You should set your expectations low in Houston. best of the providers around here are visiting ones, locals are hit or miss.
You are looking for stuff that only a few are doing around these places, if prepped well ahead of time, lol. try missionary and doggie next time, you'll get some replies lol.
With all that cash saved and pent-up energy I would recommend a quick week-end trip to Amsterdam or Costa Rica. Always money well spent imo.