nothing reply anything you want

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but,
I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then






he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb






so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office






and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'





Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me,



the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'



(You're gonna lovethis....)





She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark. Originally Posted by RandB fan

mmmm

One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put prostitution.
The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation.
She said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation.
An hour later she called him and said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer."
He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution."
She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year."

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered ! and exclaimed "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it? "

"I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."..

The policeman fainted.

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered ! and exclaimed "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it? "

"I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."..

The policeman fainted. Originally Posted by cnym

HHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA:clapp ing:

Best quote of the year by Brazilian Medicine Nobel prize winner oncologist Drauzio Varella
“”Today we are spending 5 times more money in medications for male virility and female silicone than in finding a cure for Alzheimer’s.
In a few years we’ll have old women with big breasts and men with hard penises but they won’t remember their use””

http://www.military.com/video/operat.../941551903001/ Originally Posted by SOULMANIKE

The TRUTH about Bin Laden's burial at sea


Bin Laden Given Religious Funeral Prior to Sea Burial

Published May 02, 2011

Osama bin Laden was given a religious funeral prior to his burial at sea, senior
military officials told Fox News.

Religious rites were conducted on the deck of the USS Carl Vinson aircraft
carrier at about 1:10 a.m. Monday in the Persian Gulf .

In accordance with Islamic practice, bin Laden was washed and wrapped in a
white sheet before buried at sea at 2 a.m. local time, senior U.S. military
and intelligence officials said.

Then, "In accordance with common US Navy SEAL practice, the Team pissed on him, stuck a pulled pork sandwich in his mouth and a kosher hot dog up his ass, and pushed the Mother Fucker overboard with the other garbage," a senior SEAL officer said. Originally Posted by MrGiz

funny

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.”

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast?

He replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.

His Mom locks him in his room and shouts, ”You can stay there until I let you out!”

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”

“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios.”

that is funny. hay wait you have a smiley that matches you avatar. waaaaaaaaaaa I want one to. she saw him but not me errrrr ops sorry that was for coed thread carry on

The Italian Man Who Went To Malta


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAFQF...embedded#at=11

CNYM Thanks LOL excellent

A man and his giraffe walk into a pub...
they both get pissed..
the giraffe falls over..
the man gets up to leave..
and the bartender yells to him...
"hey you cant leave that lyin
there!"!!
the man turns around and says
" it's not a lion..its a giraffe!!!!"

Chicken and Cat were sitting on the river bank when cat fell in and made chicken laugh. moral of the story: where there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock!