Consideration for the betrayed wife

As others have said I'm late to the party but the thread is still open so here I go.

It's wrong to lie and cause pain to someone you are supposed to love. Period

In a perfect world husbands and wives would talk and agree that a blowjob is ok but don't kiss or whatever agreements/ boundaries they set. Our culture demonizes healthy sexuality and people ( men & women ) can't or won't be honest with each other. I'm not married but I believe physical pleasure is healthy and should be shared. In MY better world providers would be respected as healers and pleasure givers. I'm sorry we don't live in that world but I treat providers with the respect I think they deserve.

Relationships and marriage have changed a lot over the centuries. The Christian church had temple prostitutes and monogamy is actually a fairly recent construction. Ironically men created and institutionalized monogamous marriages. Oh the fucking shame ! Only proves we are all fallible and human. Don't judge people until you have lived their life and if you are the good person who does no wrong enjoy your blessings.

I see providers because they are hot , great at sucking and fucking and no demands when we are done. If I make a commitment to be monogamous then I won't see providers. I hope I'm open and honest enough to find someone who is open and healthy about sex. She will be my hooker, red head , cock sucker or whatever I'm honest enough to ask for !

Caroline Davenport you are hot , smart and if you come to Dallas I'd love to have a long talk. Either before or after we fuck ;-)

...Too bad you haven't met me...I bet you would be far more kind, because I could rock your fucking world... Originally Posted by Foolish!

Incidentally, if you were even remotely capable of rocking somebody's world, you wouldn't be here (again!), this thread would not exist and we wouldn't be having this conversation.... just sayin'

Can you not spell? "Druncken"? Really? As drunck as I am, I still know how to spell the word, even though such intelligent providers claim I know no grammar. Believe me, I know more grammar in my druncken pinckie than I have seen on most of these posts. I know enough grammar to bend and break the rules (valedicktorian of my class), so just consider silencing yourself on things about which you are ignorant. I DIDN'T thinck I was above ANY of you until the foolishness of your posts convinced me that I might be. I am spoiling for a fight, so why don't you come on and have a go? Originally Posted by Foolish!

FIFY.

Foolish! writes awfully good (sic) for someone who's drunck and who has swallowed "enough pills to kill a horse".

Mary Ann,

Thank you for a bit of sane advice to both sides.

Betrayed Wife/Foolish

These are my friends you are cussing up a storm with. Let me explain a bit of something to you... your husband having sex with another individual should not be enough to break up your marriage. If you think that is a great reason for you to leave him and allow yourself this pain.... well then, you are foolish.

The people on this board, they actually do have their eyes wide open. They understand exactly what is going on here and what they are doing. They are mocking you because you are trying to bring something to their attention that they have already known for some time. They don't understand why you are here and carrying on. That is why you are not taken seriously. If serious is what you want, you have come to the wrong board.

Everyone else

Get the hell off of your high horse. Why are you here wallowing in this?? Just let it be.

For the haters out there that doesn't understand why a husband cheats and lies about it, you sure have flung around a lot of assumptions and accusations when more then likely, you don't have any clue what the hell you are talking about.

A wife can actually provide everything to her husband, and leave him satisfied... and he can still want to cheat! Just because a married man is spending time with whores does not mean the wife has failed. Goodness, I thought y'all would be a bit smarter then that.

Again, my belief is that we are all animals, we all have our urges.... if we act like adults and act in a decent and safe manner, we should not be punished or judged by it. Unfortunately, society has taught us it is wrong to be physical with anyone other then who we are in a relationship with. I believe society is wrong. Until we can fix society, we will all have to continue with the lying and the cheating.

How can you convince your spouse they are taught wrong? Society got it wrong? More then likely, it is impossible to do... and denying yourself of your sexual freedom causes damage to yourself, and your relationships, so it is not healthy to deny yourself either... what else can you do?

My opinion, and as I read through this thread, I am thinking I'm probably one of the healthiest minds here...

Now if you don't mind, I have a topless ice bucket challenge I need to record, and post in the Oklahoma Sandbox. PEACE! Originally Posted by Mary Ann

Again, my belief is that we are all animals, we all have our urges.... if we act like adults and act in a decent and safe manner, we should not be punished or judged by it. Unfortunately, society has taught us it is wrong to be physical with anyone other then who we are in a relationship with. I believe society is wrong. Until we can fix society, we will all have to continue with the lying and the cheating.

How can you convince your spouse they are taught wrong? Society got it wrong? More then likely, it is impossible to do... and denying yourself of your sexual freedom causes damage to yourself, and your relationships, so it is not healthy to deny yourself either... what else can you do? Originally Posted by Mary Ann

But there is an alternative to lying / cheating: You have a conversation with your SO about it and if they aren't ok with it, you either leave or respect their wishes (it's up to each individual to weigh what is more important to them).

Are there actually that many people here who don't recognize extremely broad parody when they see it?

Really? Seriously?

But there is an alternative to lying / cheating: You have a conversation with your SO about it and if they aren't ok with it, you either leave or respect their wishes (it's up to each individual to weigh what is more important to them). Originally Posted by jbravo_123

Oh no that is just not an option..... (Sarcasm font)

And I have no problem with members here pushing back on that part. It is the number of people who assume the breakup was her fault, that she wasn't sexually available for her husband and that is why he did it, etc.

I don't have any idea if she was or was not--but for some to say:

"Yeah, you never refused but you never made yourself available. Oh, there was always something in life that seemed more important at the time than sex. Finishing the laundry, putting the whining kids to bed and reading to them until they fell asleep. Walking the dog that one last time before you go to bed, dishes put away. Once everything else was done, then and only then, could you relax and be a lover. Except you've squandered away enough of the evening that now he's too tired, has to get up at 5:30 and really needs some rest. But what's worse to him is that he now lays awake wondering why you don't want to have sex with him. Why you find every excuse in the world not to fuck him."

Again, my point is wee have no idea what happened, but there are plenty here who presume to know--and all have pronounced her guilty because--it seems--they want her to be guilty. Or some of the guys are easing their own conscious I don't really know.

I know guys who sound just like boardman. I've heard almost the same exact comments. But when I commented that they could increase their chances by helping put the kids to bed, or doing the dishes while she is walking the dog, etc., it becomes, "that's her job, not mine. I have to watch football."

I wonder if some of them truly believe a 3 year old should put himself to bed. Or the dog should shit in the living room. Or what.

I am certainly not condemning all guys by any means--but it comes back to a hanging judge holding trial with no witnesses or evidence.

PS: Just wondering why WU is not castigating the husband and supporting the wife in this case? Seems it would fit his belief system.

Me, I don't know which side is at fault, and since I don't, I prefer neither to condemn nor sanctify the OP.

Speaking of WU: it is actually rather simple--not all truths serve a good purpose by being made public. And gratuitously attacking someone just because you can makes for a pretty hostile environment--especially when they are not likely to absorb what you said. But I know there ARE some people who do get satisfaction from gang tackling the wounded so I am not surprised by the behavior, just saddened by those who see the need. Originally Posted by Old-T

Except for the getting caught part and the 17 yo daughter this could be my ex. I know her better than you thinck I do. The posts by "Foolish" just prove my point above.
This is a cold bitch. No matter what her man does around the house it won't be enough. She'll always find something to do. Unless you've lived that hell for most of your adult life you don't have a fucking clue.

Except for the getting caught part and the 17 yo daughter this could be my ex. I know her better than you thinck I do. The posts by "Foolish" just prove my point above.
This is a cold bitch. No matter what her man does around the house it won't be enough. She'll always find something to do. Unless you've lived that hell for most of your adult life you don't have a fucking clue. Originally Posted by boardman

You are correct, I have been fortunate enough that I have not lived it--and I say that with sincerity, not sarcasm. I have witnessed some pretty messed up marriages. Someone once said, only half joking, that no one should be able to get married before 24, and even then all marriage contracts should be for 6 years and then have to be renewed by both parties or it dissolves.

Someone once said, only half joking, that no one should be able to get married before 24, and even then all marriage contracts should be for 6 years and then have to be renewed by both parties or it dissolves. Originally Posted by Old-T

There's a reason they call it the 7 year itch.

I thought it was the seven year bitch ... when the husband just tunes out the nagging ...

Providers keep a hell of a lot more marriages together than they break up. Most of the married men here are here because their wives don't give a damn anymore about their sex life at home. And leave their men wanting. Originally Posted by watchoutthegameisrigged

Agreed 100%

Damnit, no one asked Foolish1 if she did BBCR.

Providers do not normally have malicious intent. I am not saying they usually have good intentions either. Generally providers are more of a gray area. People too often see them as the temptress and catalyst. The thing is one has to LOOK for a provider to find one. They are not standing in random neighborhoods looking at each house and deciding which family to break up. It is not an intention it is an outcome of a choice made by another.

I will not take a stance on either side. I see married men. I understand the pain of loss and a shattered home. I will say that for most providers in question the desire is to do no harm. Escorts DO retain a heart and can find conflict in day to day activities, individual clientele and even their life choices. Even the coldest escort has a heart she simply does not allow you to see her cry.

However on the same token a provider is not likely to cry over a man making a choice to hurt an unknown third party. In my eyes the man's personal life is none of my business unless he desires it to be, to in which case I have had many appointments where all we did was sit and discuss his marriage and I offered advice where I could.

Most cases of married men that seek out providers, do not have women on the other side who are generous sexually or emotionally attentive. The average gentleman who seeks the company of a provider, companion or escort (very specific terms here) simply want some form of emotional or mental validation. They want to feel adored, interesting, or compelling. They want companionship. No one can fault them for this.

To the betrayed wife: I am sorry for your strife. I do hope you find what you seek in the long run including happiness.

So what...he fucked another woman. It's not like he went out, found a girlfriend, became emotionally involved, and left his family in the lurch. She has blinders on if she believes men don't look at other women and desire them, whether they are addicted to porn or whether they are deacons of the church and fine upstanding gents of their community. Fewer people are addicted to porn than what is thought of as addiction. He was considerate to go out and find a hooker who wouldn't impede on his/her life.

Sex is a natural, normal, and biological urge.....we all have that urge, and it ain't porn's fault. Many women allow stress, what we consider our normal daily lives, and hurts they refuse to let go of, to impede their sexual drives and urges. and they use sex, or their lack of desire, as punishment for these hurts. Morals have nothing to do with the "rules" of what's moral and what's not and which society imposes on us.

If ya wanna shed blame....direct it at biology, God, The Powers that be....whatever. He was a man, knew his wife's limitations, or simply desired a little freaky variety. His wife needs to get over herself thinking she is the end all of women and he would never look at another. She should have moved him to a cave once she married him, if she actually thought he would never, over their long life together, think about and/or try something different. If he lied, once he was caught, now I can kinda understand that, because then he either is insulting her intuition and intelligence or whatever facts she has gathered.

People shouldn't even get married until they are in their latter years since the consensus of our prudent society, dictates most folks every action and thought. At least by then, they might have had the variety and desire to do freaky stuff, either outta their system, or they really will have found the perfect partner who also has the same desires. Communication is the key to every successful relationship.

You tell us not to judge, but you're judging all over the place....what's up with that?

All of this may have already been said, but I didn't read all the wisdom imparted here.

And I get what you are saying about some wives not doing right, etc...but it isn't always true and you mustn't judge. If seeing a provider is all that is holding a marriage together, it would be better to be broken apart. Cheating is never right. If you don't want your wife, leave her. Get another wife (or pay for sex, whatever).
And it IS the man's fault, but does it mean that his "affair partner" has no accountability? We are all a part of society, and, when families fall apart, everyone suffers. Put whatever philosophy you like on it, I can never view the affair partner as blameless when the "lifeblood" of the marriage is on her hands, too. Even if you don't like it, these wronged families have faces, have hearts, and it is very wrong to discount their suffering. Originally Posted by Loonygirl