TrueSelf vs. Complete Fantasy... Is it not ok to be myself?

It's not just providers. If everyone was honest about who they are and what they think in "real" (whatever that is) life, most of us would probably be divorced, possibly be imprisoned, an definitely be fired. So, in two out of three cases the truth will set you free!

We've all got our bubble, depending on personality type we either build it mostly from internal things or mostly from external things: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-B...Type_Indicator but it's still a bubble. Shakespeare wrote that all the world's a stage and he hit the ball right out of the park (I'll let his advice on lawyers pass for now).

The world is an infinite number of bell curves intersecting at random and changing angles and intervals, each of us has a particular place on each giving us a particular multidimensional position in that most commonly held of delusions. . . reality.

It doesn't matter whether you have a different persona or ulterior ego when it comes to this industry... Your true colours show through regardless. Originally Posted by Shayla

AMEN!

"to thy own self be true"

Being a hopeless romantic (yes, I admit it), I can't help but shed the anonymous persona and review board presence when my clothes hit the floor.

It's like...taking off a mask, in a manner of speaking. Some guys may see this hobby as a way of living out their fantasies of being the next Peter North or maybe they were Casanova in another life. Myself...I am never more "real" than when I am in bed with one of you ladies. Some want to draw a defined line and have all these mental barriers in order to stay "safe"....and that's fine.

I choose to just let myself go. What I feel inside is what I express to my woman. It doesn't matter if she is a provider or not...I have nothing to hide. We all hobby for our different reasons. For me...the hobby is a release. That's why it's very important to me to find a GFE that can really be herself. A woman who can let herself go as well. We lay down together and the rest of the world ceases to exist.

When time is up and I walk away...it isn't the end of a fantasy. It's just goodbye until next time. This is the real world we live in...not some fantasy land. I choose to look at it in that perspective.

If you can't be yourself, then who are you going to be? Are you going to take on another persona? Are others going to like that other person?...I think Not. You can be yourself and still have that business/personal line. People tend to like people for who they are and how they come across to them. You can be yourself without being too vulnerable. Live your life the way you want to, but live it to the fullest. Be true to yourself and be yourself and everything else will fall into place.

It's not just providers. If everyone was honest about who they are and what they think in "real" (whatever that is) life, most of us would probably be divorced, possibly be imprisoned, an definitely be fired. So, in two out of three cases the truth will set you free!

We've all got our bubble, depending on personality type we either build it mostly from internal things or mostly from external things: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-B...Type_Indicator but it's still a bubble. Shakespeare wrote that all the world's a stage and he hit the ball right out of the park (I'll let his advice on lawyers pass for now).

The world is an infinite number of bell curves intersecting at random and changing angles and intervals, each of us has a particular place on each giving us a particular multidimensional position in that most commonly held of delusions. . . reality. Originally Posted by Iaintliein

Which brings to mind that Jim Carrey movie LIAR LIAR. Remember when all he could do was go around telling the brutal truth LOL on whomever he encountered?

You shouldn't be afraid to be yourself. Some may get you some may not. That's the chance you take always. If you are not yourself, how long do you expect to keep up the "fantasy self"? On the other hand, if being yourself is being cruel and bitchy, then probably want to gauge the guys reaction to how he will take you first. I for one think its great if a woman I get to spend time with showes and communicates things that make her a little frustrated. just to use an example, if you are riding together and traffic bothers you then by all means show it, I would seriously worry if a woman did not reveal if anything bothered her because it can become robot like. Like in that movie with nicole kidman where all the ladies in the town never complain and are robots with remotes. I think its called the stepford wives?... One of the greatest things about meeting the women I have met is that I dont think we would have met otherwise, Its cool that you get to meet people that have different personalities and tastes that you may otherwise not got to meet until the two or more of you are just there in the moment, in time....then when she sheads her clothes its like,, am I really here right now with this goddess?..thats what I ask myself everytime.

Nothing wrong with overanalyzing! I understand where you're coming from, as another provider who finds it surprisingly natural to be open and authentic during meetings. That said, there are some things that those of us who bring our selves into our sessions need to remember (especially important for both sanity and longevity).

No matter what we do, we need to make sure that we're bringing the best of our selves into our sessions, and that we keep in mind why they're here. It's not for us to get our needs met, or let our hair down, or vent about our lives, or have our egos fed. We're the professionals and while we can be ourselves and absolutely have fun, we can't relax, because our job is to facilitate their ideal experience. If we can come at it from a place of authenticity, that experience will be all the more intense, but we also have to be all the more careful with ourselves because of it.

We have a responsibility not to bring our unmet needs into our sessions but to remember we're there to see, anticipate, and meet his. We have to be the ones to hold the emotional container that lets our clients indulge and go deep, safe in the knowledge that whatever happens between us stays in that container, that it won't get messy or complicated or weird. We have a responsibility to our clients to get our needs met and take care of ourselves, to have other outlets (even if work is an outlet for us, even if we recharge off our work) so that we're coming into our sessions full and able to give wholeheartedly.

We also have a responsibility to take care that the reality we show enhances the fantasy or adds another layer rather than destroying it. That's one I find myself having to watch particularly, since this name is the name I essentially live my life under. It's tricky when your friends, lovers, and clients are all in the same (virtual and actual) places.

Yes, absolutely - be yourself, be honest, but be mindful of how much truth you're telling and how appropriate it is in that moment mainly because it's much harder to dial back than to loosen up. Be cautious with the information you share about yourself and others, because it's hard to know when someone will take a wrong turn mentally or emotionally. And enjoy the rich connections you'll experience because of your approach! I am delighted to "meet" you and wish you the best.

If the real you can fulfill a man's desires without ruining the fantasy for him, you're good. If the REAL you can enjoy your time with your clients, you're good. You have to get around someone who really has to keep up a facade the ENTIRE time, and you realize that they're not happy. That's when you know it's okay to be yourself. Life is easy if you can be yourself.

Very good question, darling.

Having recently being fired for being me. I understand. It's been rough for me the last few days. Being a provider was not full time for me, I had a career and I intend to get one back. I have a job interview Monday, fortunately certain laws prevent my previous employer from specifying why I was fired. I was outed. Harsh, but I've learned from it. I love both worlds, and am myself in both of them. Judgements suck.

Wow that sucks Sophia, good luck with the interview.

I fear if I was outed I could be in the same situation, so I am very careful to keep the hobby life separate. As much as I have been tempted, I never go to any group functions or associate with anyone from the board, except of course for the ladies. That of course is with the utmost discretion.

I do believe my personality is pretty much the same in the hobby world and in real life;
I am a pleasant person to be around and always behave as a gentleman should.
Can't help it, I was raised that way.

My past ATF would always remind me that "we all lie about everything all the time". True to her word, alot of what she told me was a lie. I don't fault her nor judge her about it, but, sometimes I would have really preferred her to be honest with me. A big part of my need is to understand her and if too much of what she says is an illusion then I feel unsuccessful.

My past ATF would always remind me that "we all lie about everything all the time". True to her word, alot of what she told me was a lie. I don't fault her nor judge her about it, but, sometimes I would have really preferred her to be honest with me. A big part of my need is to understand her and if too much of what she says is an illusion then I feel unsuccessful. Originally Posted by thx

If someone is Honest with you and tells you that they are a Liar, BELIEVE them! LOL

It doesn't matter whether you have a different persona or ulterior ego when it comes to this industry... Your true colours show through regardless. Originally Posted by Shayla

Mijo... are you taking notes? LOL

I am myself to a certain degree like you said your personality comes though...You are lucky I have learned the hard way about certain friedship I took seriously and valued both with hobbyist and providers and evertime I have been burned...so now I am very reserved and that bothers me but it is what it is....

Yes, you can be yourself to a certain degree. Your personality will always be what it is and you can't change that. Yet, just don't go telling everyone your personal business. I do agree with making friends in the hobby but one has to choose wisely who you would tell personal things with and possibly let into your RW life.

There's only two ladies that I've really became good friends with. One of them, we talk once a week and from time to time hang out for the evening or weekend. The other one, we text everyday and see each other once or twice a week for dinner or to just hang out. Now granted both ladies and I decided that we are now just friends, we will never do P4P again, and there will never be anything thing between us. Both ladies did say no amount of money can't replace a true friendship. Our friendship has grown stronger because they don't consider me a trick and I don't consider them a warm moist hole to get off in. Originally Posted by shorty