If caught, which is worse: affair or hobby?

THE DANNIE is right on as usual, civilians equate the hobby with street walkers. She is so right about women who are polyamorus, in another life we were just long house people, I want that again.

Civilian women think totally different than we do. To them, having sex with providers would probably make them less apt to work it out than if you had an emotional affair, as backwards as that may seem to those of us with a more rational mind. It is more shocking and disgusting to them. Hookers? Ewwwwww! How dare you, you piece of shit!

Now, if you have an emotional affair, I think civvie women are more receptive to working that one out. Don't ask me why, but it is the truth. Maybe it is the challenge of "taking care of home" again, I don't know. But don't get caught with one of us, LOL.

I would be a lot more 'okay' with an affair that had no emotional attachment. Been there. What hurts is the idea of the person you love, being in love with someone else. I couldn't care less if you just want to get your rocks off, though.

Personally, give me a polyamorous relationship. Love me, love her, I don't give a fuck. Let's take turns! I'll even cook breakfast. Originally Posted by Dannie

I think my wife would be hurt more by an affair because she would assume that I had feelings for the sancha. She would still be pissed if I was caught with a provider, but she would know it was just because I'm a horny bastard she ain't keeping up. Either way, it would be bad.

My wife knows how I am. She knows I flirt with women and how horny I am. She would have to be stupid to think I'm truly faithful to her when she hardly puts out.

oddly, this conversation came up recently with my SO. affairs hurt far worse. booty calls and emotionless 'nut busting' are understood, though highly frowned upon.

oh... that is as long as it applies to friends and other people and not... say me. were i ever to do something like that? i somehow recall 'go medieval on your ass' being bounced around.

Either way I know the wife would change the locks, cancel my credit cards, and close the bank accounts.

I'm on my 2nd marriage. Wife 2.0 has 2 kids and we have none together. Turns out she's just using me so she as a father figure for her kids (1 angel, 1 brat) and as a financial provider. She traded up massively when she hooked me. Big house in burbs, 3 car garage, pool and she doesn't work. I'm thinking abut letting her "find out". She won't leave otherwise. Since we have no kids and TX is a no alimony state....what's the downside? (other than screwing up her kids even more)

Pay off your credit cards and not hers before the divorce. Make sure your claim against your house is substantial and documented. Your income may get tagged for 20% for each minor child for child support. My freedom cost me dearly. Good luck.

due to the decline in housing prices, we have no equity in the house. The loan is in my name only but both names are on the deed. All the credit cards are in my name only. Fortunately, I saw this early and we have no children together.

Pay your credit cars off with your money before you start a divorce. Remember your IRA is seperate property. Good luck.

Either way you are screwed if you SO finds out. Be discrete.

Pay off your credit cards and not hers before the divorce. Make sure your claim against your house is substantial and documented. Your income may get tagged for 20% for each minor child for child support. My freedom cost me dearly. Good luck. Originally Posted by Bestman200600

I just tell my friends, "at least I did not go to my grave with her"

I was making two house payments and got reimbursed in divorce court, now who goes to court when you have no kids under 21, my stupid ex, then my bankrutpcy snake, Bill Burke btw who I had tell him what the law was over charged me $12000 for which he got because my ex took me to court

and again I say, at least I did not go to my grave with her, the real shits is she married a guy 12 years older (70) and he is a millionaire

I hate to be the one who takes on my bud, The Dannie, but women are all about "security," whatever that is. The actual model is more like Bobster36's. Now, why they would act like his woman, especially without joint kids, is just one more illustration of the foibles of GPS.

Either case will cause massive amounts of flak and you can be sure that if you are "lucky" enough to reconcile you have a good chance of hearing about it in some argument 30 years from now.

Hmmmm, I must be having a bad civilian woman day.....

I'm on my 2nd marriage. Wife 2.0 has 2 kids and we have none together. Turns out she's just using me so she as a father figure for her kids (1 angel, 1 brat) and as a financial provider. She traded up massively when she hooked me. Big house in burbs, 3 car garage, pool and she doesn't work. I'm thinking abut letting her "find out". She won't leave otherwise. Since we have no kids and TX is a no alimony state....what's the downside? (other than screwing up her kids even more) Originally Posted by Bobster36

She will get half of what you earned and saved during the marriage. You may also have issues with co-mingling of separate and community assets. The easy answer is to go see a good family lawyer before you make a move or have her discover something. It's always good to get your ducks in a row and your affairs in order before the divorce.

And what makes you think she'll leave the bird's nest on the ground that she has even if she finds out?

If you hobby your marriage is in trouble. If you get caught, your marriage is over. Originally Posted by Bestman200600

+1 on that one, I got busted on an open browser and have been on double-secret probation ever since.

I still have my fantasies; a big sailboat, skipping town with BJ and hiding out in the Carribean...

I'm at the point where I truly don't care about staying married. I'm not sure she'd leave, to echo a poster above. As long as I don't mistreat her kids....that may be all she cares about. I've taken her credit cards because she maxed them out. (from zero balances in mid-March 2010)

Each is a betrayal and sounds equally damning in the Petition for Divorce.