Don't Fall In Love...

I'm glad this is a topic of discussion. I've been struggling with this for awhile now. I must admit that I've fallen in love with every provider I've met. Luckily each time it only lasted for 30-60 minutes.

Ha. I can relate. Never fell in love with a lady but did have an atf that required a 3 hour drive each way. We would talk via phone much of the way down and back. I was taking too many extra, non business trips to see her. One day I got a call she found someone special and he wanted her to leave the business. She married him but wanted to stay friends. I told her I would disappear for 1 year then see how she felt. I started to receive occasional multi email messages copied from her personal address almost a year later. I emailed her telling her I would call on my way there for regular business and was up for coffee at a public location. When I called on my way she said her husband would not like us to meet again so I deleted her from all method of contacts. I would love to have coffee and find out how she is but will not risk a marriage. Too bad, she was a lot of fun In and out of bed. Don't think I loved her but I still sure do miss her.

I have become quite "close" to several of my gents.....but I already have a hubby so i know where to draw the line Originally Posted by DallasRain

OK, Dee, now I am impressed. How do you do it?

That is a serious question: How do you do it? I have a hard time imagining a guy being comfortable with an arrangement like that, but that is me and the way I am wired. At the same time, I think it is cool as hell that such a guy might exist.

Can you give any clues as to what makes that possible? What kinds of understandings? Conditions? Agreements? Or maybe there are none and it just works? Where does love fall into it?

Assuming that it does, how in hell do you keep love and sex separate? For most of us, I think there is a little bit of love chemistry mixed in with the sex drive that makes the hobby interesting, even makes it exist at all.

Fall in love?? Lmao! With a hooker?? Wow, that's not even funny.

OK, Dee, now I am impressed. How do you do it?

That is a serious question: How do you do it? I have a hard time imagining a guy being comfortable with an arrangement like that, but that is me and the way I am wired. At the same time, I think it is cool as hell that such a guy might exist.

Can you give any clues as to what makes that possible? What kinds of understandings? Conditions? Agreements? Or maybe there are none and it just works? Where does love fall into it?

Assuming that it does, how in hell do you keep love and sex separate? For most of us, I think there is a little bit of love chemistry mixed in with the sex drive that makes the hobby interesting, even makes it exist at all. Originally Posted by w1nd3rf00l

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My SO and I have been "open minded" since day 1...we were swingers in the early days...he has been to several M & Gs in the hobby world....he has met several gents from here.....and he even has done several mfm sessions with me! he says I am too much woman for one man...lol....he loves me being his "hot wife"!.......I do this career choice for extra spending cash and for the sexual thrill or power trip I get from being "his hot wife" !!
we have a very active sex life at home ,and he is my soulmate for life so therefore i don't "need" another man to fill that slot..

I believe sex is awesome and needs to be expressed and shared in any way you are comfortable with...............I am very secure in my relationship with my SO.....And this works for us!

{did that make sense..or did I ramble...lol}

Made sense to me.

DallasRain: Dee, thanks for the detailed answer. That is very informative. If I may be so bold, I will suggest that your relationship with your SO is a bit outside the range we would call "typical," and it is very refreshing to hear the relationship and your sexuality described that way. You are amazing! But I think we already knew that!

Super Villainous: Can't blame you for having a good laugh. I doubt anyone would argue with you that falling in love with a provider (the term I prefer) is kind of a crazy notion, probably not the best way to start a relationship (Although they never mentioned that one in Sunday School!). That does not change the fact that some people develop feelings faster and deeper than others. Include me in that group.

All: I wouldn't have brought it up except it is both

• a kinda sad/funny idea
• entirely possible
• probably happens more often than anyone wants to admit

I have found friendship and affection to be common and welcome in the hobby. Falling in love, well, that is going to lead to problems, so far as I can see. What to do when it happens?

Thanks for all the great feedback.

The takeaway seems to be:

• Falling in love with someone in the hobby, at least the early stages of it, is more common than most of us will admit.
• A successful relationship is not impossible (You GO, DallasRain - you are now officially my Hobby Hero!!), but highly unlikely, and in general discouraged by some, laughed at by others.
• When it starts to happen, when a guy gets jealous reading someone else's review of his ATF, maybe it is a good time to take a step back and see a few other providers.

It happened to me recently (she probably knows who she is) - nothing was said, but I could tell she felt the need to pull back a bit - and while I still REALLY like her and will continue to see her and will always have some special affection for her... anything beyond having a LOT of fun when together is just not in the cards for either of us.

WHAT A HOBBY! Sure beats collecting stamps! It really works amazingly well. There are some super-nice people you can get together with for great, mindblowing sex, when you get together you know EXACTLY what your meeting is about, no games or drama, just get down and DO IT and have a great time, you can have friendships and even affection with some of them, but there is a TIMER and there is a FEE, and those elements regulate the mindset enough to help us walk away from it when the hour is over - hopefully. We are even encouraged to share each other around for the sake of fun and variety! Gosh damn, what a deal!

Hobby on, pardners!