God that was a long post. I couldn't read it all.
But if your #1 resolution is to stay off the board..... Then good luck. And not all ECCIE legends have under 500 posts ijs. It's all about what you post, and how you say things. Obviously from your track record you have a hard time dealing with criticism which you respond negatively to... That's something that YOU need to work on and staying away from the board isn't necessarily going to help you with that...
Wish you the best.