it's been real and it's been fun...but...

Now I'm sad I never got to see just how much of a hipster you really are Originally Posted by xrival14

I never claimed to be a match...simply possibly as close as you'd get with the hookers I know of. I'll put it this way...it'd take being one step away from black-out drunk to unironically bone this brah and it'd have to wash my mouth out with something rich and republican soon after.

Seriously though, thanks for the well wishes, everyone. It's hard for me to put into words exactly what the hobby and all of y'all mean to me, so I made a video that expresses it better than a simple post ever could:

It was awesome meeting you at the cards against humanity game a while back I wish you the best.

Best of luck to a really cool chick!

Goodbye, sweet lady. Jenns, you are the cool-est!

I know you will enjoy your you-time, and I hope you have an adventurous and bliss-filled life.

Good luck!

Seriously though, thanks for the well wishes, everyone. It's hard for me to put into words exactly what the hobby and all of y'all mean to me, so I made a video that expresses it better than a simple post ever could:

Originally Posted by JennsLolli

Whitesploitation if I ever did see it.

(Cease fire, that was not in any way racial; just an attempt at humor by an old film student.)

Jenns,

You will be missed.
Please grace us with your humor and insight when you can.

Peace.

Fair winds and following seas! as we seamen (no pun intended) sailors do declare.

Don't look back and savor the good time regardless.

You will be missed.

I appreciated that when you would contribute your thoughts and insights - you did so with humor, intelligence, and sass.

You are one smart and sexy broad and I am glad I had the chance to meet you albeit, once

Here is to better days and better lays!


A

Kin Ah still stick it in yer butt sumtime?

Peace and best of luck with wherever life takes you.

Damn - never got to meet you but I hope you will still come by here and post once in a while. Stupidity appears to have taken over this place and your intelligence and wit will be missed.

For a bunch of whores and mongers, y'all sure are nice. Real nice. I'm working on some closing remarks, but I'm feeling less urgent about posting it as time goes on. The fewer hairy assholes I have to stare down...down...down, the fewer angry/frustrated/cussing feels I seem to have. Not that I ever had very many of those feels to begin with. And like, I enjoy hairy dudes and waxing just your asshole would be really fucking weird. And like, assholes specifically can be very appealing, nice, or often simply neutral, so in theory I don't mind them and find them somewhat charming on the rare occasion. But like, I've been a hooker off and on for a bit and I've learned to trust no asshole. Ever.

Other sage advice:

Don't shit at the incall.

Want to know why providers are such flakes? Because some days you wake up and think to yourself "self...I'm not taking any bullshit today. I don't think I have it in me to fight the never ending battle of assholes that have been smeared all over my linens."

If you say to a provider "tell me what really turns you on" she'll be lying to you. Unless she says something like "can you brush my hair while I masturbate then let yourself out while I nap?" because that sounds like a lot fun to me.

Not all hookers are looking to screw you over and steal your gold, but many are.

Not all mongers are looking to screw you over for no gold, but many are.

Clean the room before you take selfies with eight lighters, five half-empty cans of vanilla cherry diet dr. pepper, and your HEB employee nametag on the floor.

Every hooker thinks she gives the best head, but only because she keeps hearing clients say "man, you give the best head. Like for real for real." Civvies think we give 'em even better.

If you want a man to fall in love with you, stare cross-eyed into his asshole and chant these magic words:

Ah'll take thet as a "no". How's about if'n Ah jus' wanna put tha tip in yer butt; jus' tha tip.