Damnit, Rain,
You should hustle on down here to San Antonio, Tex (Dallas and Houston are close, too) and give ole Cumandgitit a special massage!! He's never had one. Bet others would be interested, too.
Of course, you would have your work cut out for you with ole C&G. You see, he is sooooo old and decrepit that he has been unable to "get it up" for about 10 years and needs HELP!! YOUR HELP!!
He is so helpless that he cannot have any REAL adventures. He has become an observer of himself, a figment of his owm hoary imagination, who can only dream about experiences from his trusty old office chair named "Clarence." Sort of "out of body" experiences. He is an observer or dreamer who can only report his imagined adventures, all of which, of necessity, are pure fiction. As a result, he can only communicate in the third person, just as he is now.
For some reason, he thinks that you might be able to help "cure" his embarrassing problem. What do you say? Are you "up" for it? AND, us Texas guys can be pretty fun, too!
In pure Texas dialect, he says this to you:
"I shore wood rappreciate a anser as suen as yew kin cend it!
I asso thnk thet I luuuuuuuuuuuuuvs U!!!"
: wavetowel2: