One of the oldest "old sayings" applies here: "Don't get mad. Get even."
I thought about making the rest of this post "private," because it's going to sound (to providers, mostly) as really cruel and vindictive. But you don't just fuck with a guy's life like this, so here goes:
I can't imagine there's a provider anywhere who has absolutely NOTHING to lose by being outed - to LE, to her family, to her kids' father(s), to SOMEBODY. So this should be a warning to everybody - hobbyists and providers alike - play with fire and you will get burned. What is a fitting punishment for what she's done? Causing her to lose her kids by reporting her to child services? Causing her grandma to cut her out of the will for "misbehaving"? Anything and everything you can do to her, short of any physical harm. Scorched earth.
And in all fairness, the same applies to hobbyists. That provider you're in love with (not you specifically, Kman) doesn't deserve to have her life ruined because she won't be your girlfriend. This community is not where we meet our spouses-to-be. If a hobbyists outs a provider for not being his special "friend," HE deserves the same scorched-earth treatment.
But if this provider you speak of is that rare breed who is utterly rootless - has no family, no kids, no day job, NOTHING to lose by being outed - you just have to move on. Even if you simply out her to the local hobbyist community (and you should, anyway, so the rest of us can avoid her) she could just pick up, move, change her name and resume her life elsewhere. Maybe "getting even" consists of nothing more than making her move to Houston.
- mastermind238
- 03-02-2011, 07:49 AM
- Codybeast
- 03-02-2011, 07:56 AM
Thank God for self employment. I very politely ended a budding non hobby romance with a provider a few years back upon quickly realizing she suffered from a chronic condition of continuous lying and deception for no discernible reason. She then (out of spite) had one of her crew leave an anonymous message that they would out my name as a John (Which was actually not the case) as well as my business info on Craig's list.
Of course that would be easier to reciprocate with a public slander charge so nothing came of it. Fortunately my being self employed allowed her no simple action such as dropping that anonymous e-mail to an employer for maximum damage with minimal effort.
The lesson learned? NEVER EVER get romantically involved with a provider period. It's like generously inviting a homeless stranger to live in your home with the hope that they will never rip you off. They will make a copy of the key (Just in case) and the moment you wake up and realize that they are just too messy, destructive or expensive to live with and politely ask them to move on the plotting begins. I have a few really cool mutual industry hang out buddies who occasionally provide on the side to supplement their day gigs but that is a different matter. I've learned to never mix the two.
I can't think of any recourse you could possible take aside from moving on. I'm not sure what your attorney friend can really do because if all she did was send documentation revealing true info to your employer it is not legally slander. I believe Slander is making false accusations which result in damage to you or your business.
If your story is complete without any other omitted factors then you have a responsibility to post an alert on her. Otherwise you are just posting for free responses from the community on how to get even yet are unwilling to give back and protect the community in return. Isn't this the purpose of the board to begin with? Contribute don't just vent. This is a potluck where all are welcome to eat but also expected to bring something to the table.
Of course that would be easier to reciprocate with a public slander charge so nothing came of it. Fortunately my being self employed allowed her no simple action such as dropping that anonymous e-mail to an employer for maximum damage with minimal effort.
The lesson learned? NEVER EVER get romantically involved with a provider period. It's like generously inviting a homeless stranger to live in your home with the hope that they will never rip you off. They will make a copy of the key (Just in case) and the moment you wake up and realize that they are just too messy, destructive or expensive to live with and politely ask them to move on the plotting begins. I have a few really cool mutual industry hang out buddies who occasionally provide on the side to supplement their day gigs but that is a different matter. I've learned to never mix the two.
I can't think of any recourse you could possible take aside from moving on. I'm not sure what your attorney friend can really do because if all she did was send documentation revealing true info to your employer it is not legally slander. I believe Slander is making false accusations which result in damage to you or your business.
If your story is complete without any other omitted factors then you have a responsibility to post an alert on her. Otherwise you are just posting for free responses from the community on how to get even yet are unwilling to give back and protect the community in return. Isn't this the purpose of the board to begin with? Contribute don't just vent. This is a potluck where all are welcome to eat but also expected to bring something to the table.
- irishlad
- 03-02-2011, 08:05 AM
Too many unknowns to be honest.
OK there was an act of malice here. Usually it is best just to move on, unless you think she won't, and would do it again. Then some measured self defense is in order. Do the minimum you have to do to feel like it won't happen again, whatever that might be.
Do not break the law. But if what you have to do gets her in trouble with the law, or whoever, well their are consequences to her choices, so halting the personal assault has to be the first consideration whatever it might cost her to make your point. Try to seperate "stopping it" from "revenge" though.
Then some introspection. Honestly, I doubt I've ever had a job where someone would be fired for bangin hos. unless it was on the company dime/time.
Are you in a profession incompatible with mongering? Do you work with children? Religious oriented business? Law enforcement? If so maybe a new line of work or change of lifestyle are in order.
If none of the above, then why was it so easy to let you go? Was it really just an excuse to dump an underperformer (more likely true if you were mongering on company time)?
Of course it could just be you had a sole proprietor prig of a boss and there's nothing you can do about that, but the above are good thoughts.
OK there was an act of malice here. Usually it is best just to move on, unless you think she won't, and would do it again. Then some measured self defense is in order. Do the minimum you have to do to feel like it won't happen again, whatever that might be.
Do not break the law. But if what you have to do gets her in trouble with the law, or whoever, well their are consequences to her choices, so halting the personal assault has to be the first consideration whatever it might cost her to make your point. Try to seperate "stopping it" from "revenge" though.
Then some introspection. Honestly, I doubt I've ever had a job where someone would be fired for bangin hos. unless it was on the company dime/time.
Are you in a profession incompatible with mongering? Do you work with children? Religious oriented business? Law enforcement? If so maybe a new line of work or change of lifestyle are in order.
If none of the above, then why was it so easy to let you go? Was it really just an excuse to dump an underperformer (more likely true if you were mongering on company time)?
Of course it could just be you had a sole proprietor prig of a boss and there's nothing you can do about that, but the above are good thoughts.
- TxToast
- 03-02-2011, 08:10 AM
The truth here is pretty simple...and it sucks.
There is very little you can do in response to a petty and spiteful action that is not equally petty and spiteful. The genie can not go back into the bottle so unless you really want to get into some type of blood feud the best thing you can do is move on.
Now...
The real question as it pertains to this BBS (and others) is publicizing the details. On one hand it can be (and to a degree is) viewed as "petty". However this is a trust based business. The gals constantly need to worry about stalkers, nut jobs, being "outed" etc so they have a much more evolved "early warning system".
They have good cause to be somewhat mutually protective. The guys really don't have an equivalent need for this.
Personally I think you would do both sides a service by providing the details. Not only is the gal in question a "risk" to other hobbiests but more importantly she may be a real risk to other gals who willingly share information believing its safe. This type of spiteful action will only grow worse next time she is offended. What if she outs a gals incall, clients she's aware of or real info if dhe gets into a "cat fight".
She crossed a line that has to remain involute for all sides to feel secure....
There is very little you can do in response to a petty and spiteful action that is not equally petty and spiteful. The genie can not go back into the bottle so unless you really want to get into some type of blood feud the best thing you can do is move on.
Now...
The real question as it pertains to this BBS (and others) is publicizing the details. On one hand it can be (and to a degree is) viewed as "petty". However this is a trust based business. The gals constantly need to worry about stalkers, nut jobs, being "outed" etc so they have a much more evolved "early warning system".
They have good cause to be somewhat mutually protective. The guys really don't have an equivalent need for this.
Personally I think you would do both sides a service by providing the details. Not only is the gal in question a "risk" to other hobbiests but more importantly she may be a real risk to other gals who willingly share information believing its safe. This type of spiteful action will only grow worse next time she is offended. What if she outs a gals incall, clients she's aware of or real info if dhe gets into a "cat fight".
She crossed a line that has to remain involute for all sides to feel secure....
- austin_voy
- 03-02-2011, 08:15 AM
This is why I try (try) to be very careful about my own RL information. I use a hobby email and hobby Google Voice phone number, and use P411 for screening. 99% of providers that know me, know me on a first name basis, because I never told them my last name.I've been using a "burner" for a couple of years now. Actually, 8 or 9 by now. I've probably used 20 in my previous profession. It's what's jokingly referred to as "trade craft" (that term comes from LaCarrie, or however you spell his name).
And yeah, name and shame on the culprit, even if just in ML, that is beyond the pale and the community needs to be warned. Originally Posted by Vyt
Yeah, if I were outed and had a pretty good idea who it was, I'd be talking in ML about it. Not "SHE'S THE BITCH WHO RUINED MY LIFE!!!" but more like "I think she outed me, anyone else have problems with her?"
I WOULD NOT 1) out her, 2) roll her to the PD, 3) do anything physical to her, 4) do anything emotional to her, 5) do anything to her.
In the mid 90s I was laid off and my therapist told me to go to a thrift store and buy some cheap assed china and break a few pieces until I felt okay. Then break some more because I wasn't done feeling pissed. Broke 5 5 piece place settings. I also shorted their stock just before one of the major "corrections", which I wouldn't have been able to do. Thanks for the $8K ****.
So, find some sort of physical violence where you win. Breaking shit tops most guys lists. I've also been known to crank a couple thousand down range
, but then again I load my own.
- screwey
- 03-02-2011, 08:26 AM
- Spacemtn
- 03-02-2011, 09:05 AM
ALL,
Some things to remember:
There are always 2 sides to every story. I am not suggesting that the OP is more or less than truthful. I was not there so I don't know. In the end if both parties were to tell there side, we still may not see the 3rd side because of the emotions involved in these situations when told from a perticular persons POV.
Second, some of the remedies suggested here are in STARK violation of some of our guidelines and while I know that they are not really THREATS, they come across that way. Let's be careful what we post as we can be large influences on one another's behavior.
This situation is a very emotionally charged one, so let's be carfeul that we don't make it worse in our zeal to give advice of how we THINK we would handle it as an outsider looking in.
Spacemtn
AustinModStaff
Some things to remember:
There are always 2 sides to every story. I am not suggesting that the OP is more or less than truthful. I was not there so I don't know. In the end if both parties were to tell there side, we still may not see the 3rd side because of the emotions involved in these situations when told from a perticular persons POV.
Second, some of the remedies suggested here are in STARK violation of some of our guidelines and while I know that they are not really THREATS, they come across that way. Let's be careful what we post as we can be large influences on one another's behavior.
This situation is a very emotionally charged one, so let's be carfeul that we don't make it worse in our zeal to give advice of how we THINK we would handle it as an outsider looking in.
Spacemtn
AustinModStaff
- LuvThatKitty
- 03-02-2011, 09:14 AM
- Sexy Roxanne
- 03-02-2011, 09:31 AM
I am first sorry to hear what happened. You said that your employer supplied you with “materials” as to why you were fired. So I am asking this because it once happened to me with a past job. What materials did they have?
Like I said I lost a job because I was spending a lot of time...a lot of company time on the internet browsing lots of things, as well as emailing a boyfriend at the time and IM'ing. Needless to say all that came back to bite me in the ass. As the Home Office's IT Department was monitoring all my internet activity and taking screen shots and what not for proof. They had taken screen shots of my email conversations I was having, all the places I was visiting online and all my IM conversations which was pretty embarrassing, due to the topic of discussion my BF and I were having. So on the day that I was fired, they didn’t show me the proof, but just told me why. However when I filled unemployment and tried to fight what they said, that is when they handed over all the proof and my jaw dropped!!! That also included all my crap from my laptop as I was using THEIR WIFI, which I have now learned never to do, not even in this industry if I stay at a hotel, as their IT Department can see everything as well since you are on their internet. But in the end they were obviously looking for a reason to let me go and found a reason and covered their ass to keep from getting unemployment.
So are you a 100% sure that this is not your case as well? Because quite frankly I should have known better, as I had worked in HR for sometime and we used to do it all the time, so that when “they” filed for unemployment we could basically get it denied with showing proof.
Like some said it just seems crazy that they would take some other person's word who they do not know and then fire you. The reviews do not have your real name, so they cant prove its you. I don’t know your emails, but if you do not use your personal email, they cant prove that it was you and so forth.
I don't know to me it sounds like what happened to me, exactly what happened to me. Maybe it is all just coincidence that it took place sometime after a break up, it is possible. I would have your lawyer obtain how they came into said information. Then you will know for sure if it was indeed the IT Department or what you claim. If it is what you claim they should be able to supply you with an address, or email or name or something.
Like I said I lost a job because I was spending a lot of time...a lot of company time on the internet browsing lots of things, as well as emailing a boyfriend at the time and IM'ing. Needless to say all that came back to bite me in the ass. As the Home Office's IT Department was monitoring all my internet activity and taking screen shots and what not for proof. They had taken screen shots of my email conversations I was having, all the places I was visiting online and all my IM conversations which was pretty embarrassing, due to the topic of discussion my BF and I were having. So on the day that I was fired, they didn’t show me the proof, but just told me why. However when I filled unemployment and tried to fight what they said, that is when they handed over all the proof and my jaw dropped!!! That also included all my crap from my laptop as I was using THEIR WIFI, which I have now learned never to do, not even in this industry if I stay at a hotel, as their IT Department can see everything as well since you are on their internet. But in the end they were obviously looking for a reason to let me go and found a reason and covered their ass to keep from getting unemployment.
So are you a 100% sure that this is not your case as well? Because quite frankly I should have known better, as I had worked in HR for sometime and we used to do it all the time, so that when “they” filed for unemployment we could basically get it denied with showing proof.
Like some said it just seems crazy that they would take some other person's word who they do not know and then fire you. The reviews do not have your real name, so they cant prove its you. I don’t know your emails, but if you do not use your personal email, they cant prove that it was you and so forth.
I don't know to me it sounds like what happened to me, exactly what happened to me. Maybe it is all just coincidence that it took place sometime after a break up, it is possible. I would have your lawyer obtain how they came into said information. Then you will know for sure if it was indeed the IT Department or what you claim. If it is what you claim they should be able to supply you with an address, or email or name or something.
- FWD1
- 03-02-2011, 09:49 AM
Spacemtn, no one is threatening anyone, I think their just venting! I know what he’s going through, I to was with a provider for a about 2 years back about five years ago and she was a crazy ass bitch and I loved her! 
Threatening to tell my family about me after we broke up!! Make my day I said!! Could have ruined her life but I didn’t, wasn’t going to lower myself to her standards!! Like Codybeast said “NEVER EVER get romantically involved with a provider period.” Right Spacemtn?
Threatening to tell my family about me after we broke up!! Make my day I said!! Could have ruined her life but I didn’t, wasn’t going to lower myself to her standards!! Like Codybeast said “NEVER EVER get romantically involved with a provider period.” Right Spacemtn?
- Guest030617
- 03-02-2011, 11:39 AM
edited due to receiving more info on whats going on.........
WOW....you two need to grundge fuck and get it overwith.....one last time dayum the hostility in that relationship would end up good in bed...im just sayn!!
thanks for the pm!!
WOW....you two need to grundge fuck and get it overwith.....one last time dayum the hostility in that relationship would end up good in bed...im just sayn!!
thanks for the pm!!
- Guest031411-2
- 03-02-2011, 11:50 AM
@Roxanne - no worries, wasn't using a company computer for personal use. I sent a couple of personal emails using the work email account to the ex, used IM one night, and that was it. No internet browsing on work time or in a hotel room at night-zip, zilch, nada on that, no way I was gonna browse hobbyland on a work computer. They had the security so tight on the computer I couldn't even change the clock for different time zones I was in. Just carried my personal laptop on trips or used my smartphone. And, we know exactly how the materials were transmitted and much of the material was from before I went to the company.
Thanks for the responses, some I am thinking over (not the over the top drastic ones!) as it is a heavy decision.
Thanks for the responses, some I am thinking over (not the over the top drastic ones!) as it is a heavy decision.
- Sexy Roxanne
- 03-02-2011, 11:54 AM
Well then I think I would be ASKING your ex-employer for the information and how it was obtained. Because that is YOUR right to know.
- Guest031411-2
- 03-02-2011, 11:57 AM
@roxanne - that's already been done through my lawyer. Like I said in my initial post, nothing can be done to get the job back. Just a case of evaluating any remaining personal options based on the information that was used to out me as provided by my ex-employer. Heavy decision.......
- levibob56
- 03-02-2011, 04:36 PM
Hey kittylover
If it were me, I would move on! Just put it behind you. Don't you want to forget her! Just saying!!!
Roxanne I know that you mean. I opened up My e-mail at work and had a PM from eccie and opened that without thinking. I'm like what did I just do???And if you have a I-phone, doesn't the WIFI down load it when you are back at work?
Can anyone live with their selfs if you have personal info on someone and you use it to destroy their lives. I could not if I had feeling for her and it went SOUTH. I would just try to put my life back together and forget her! Sometimes it hard to be The Bigger Man, and just walk away!!!
If it were me, I would move on! Just put it behind you. Don't you want to forget her! Just saying!!!
Roxanne I know that you mean. I opened up My e-mail at work and had a PM from eccie and opened that without thinking. I'm like what did I just do???And if you have a I-phone, doesn't the WIFI down load it when you are back at work?
Can anyone live with their selfs if you have personal info on someone and you use it to destroy their lives. I could not if I had feeling for her and it went SOUTH. I would just try to put my life back together and forget her! Sometimes it hard to be The Bigger Man, and just walk away!!!