Secrets & Lies

Great thread. It helps to talk about it and we don't often get the chance to do so. I have been very lucky to find a couple of PM eccie buds that I can compare notes with. With one, I had to help him figure out a moral crisis about the hobby. All of this helps because this is not something we can talk about to anyone in our real lives. Not all of us go mindlessly into the hobby with the objective of seeing how many providers we can see. Some give a lot of thought to the philosophical aspects as well. Why are we doing this, how will we feel about ourselves after we do? For some, the answer is a lot more complex than "pussy". Originally Posted by watchoutthegameisrigged

Thank you so much for your honesty. Wonderful insight.

I don't openly let many people know what I do in regards to the hobby,but I don't really have to lie about it either.My wife is a few years older than me and sex left our marriage years ago,first because of menopause, then she got sick and simply can't be intimate,so for years I have had permission to do what I need to do to satisfy my needs as long as discretion is used.At first I just pretty much did without except for the occasional hook up with an ex, but since I learned how to hobby a few months ago it has been game on since then!The understanding I have with my wife is pretty much don't ask,don't tell.

Great thread!

I agree with you lilminx
Keeping the fact that I provide a secret from my friends and family isn't always easy and can wear on a person after a while.
Not that anyone who knows me would be a bit surprised to find out this is what I do for a living, I'm just not ready for anyone to actually know for sure.
Luckily I am self employed with another career so the money isn't hard to explain, it's the odd hours and time spent on the internet that raises some eyebrows.

I do have a few really close friends in the business so they know what I do so now and then we can get together and let our hair down and just chat about "work" just like any other group of ladies.

No...

It can wear a bit (as someone who is also normally an open book and honest etc) .... i'm not in the least bit embarassed about providing but for a few personal reasons I'd rather keep it from family, pre-hobby friends and anyone I date. I'm a little too paranoid to date too seriously.

I looked through recent posts and didn't see this topic, if I missed it, feel free to provide a link.

That said, most of us in "the hobby" ( I hate that term), to some degree, must keep secrets and lies. Secrets from family, coworkers, etc. And lie to account for money (coming in or out, etc).

My question, is does this wear on you at all, or do you thrive on the intrigue?

I usually thrive on the intrigue of my situation(s), but I must admit...as a normally open and honest person...it starts to get to me.

I hate going out on a date with a man and not being able to be honest about my life. I hate having to pretend to be poorer than I am at my regular job and to some degree, to my family. I'm not complaining, but I'd like to get some other viewpoints about our Secret Lives... Originally Posted by LilMynx69

Honestly for me it is not a lack of intimacy, rather the lack of adventure. My sex life is mundane at best, get naked, LFK,DFK, mish, Cum, clean up. The butterflies and adventure is why I hobby. There are things I want to do and want done to me that she simply will not do. Originally Posted by sandpro

Amen

I wish ever "provider" or mistress was trustworthy enough to fulfill your intimate desires without the worry of upsetting your home life. Originally Posted by LilMynx69

But when you do find one, you can easily end up with a long term close friend, which in itself, has significant value.
Also, as a counter thought to your original question: If someone’s personal life is no one else’s business, does not that also result in a situation of no lies and/or no secrets? In addition, as one who has a side business, my family/friends/coworkers simply assume that I either had a good couple weeks or a bad couple weeks. Last, I just couldn’t resist putting up counter thoughts as, once again, you’ve asked/presented another excellent query to get folks to think about life.

I doubt that your "no lies, no secrets" argument would fly with my wife. I am pretty sure she considers my personal life her business.

But when you do find one, you can easily end up with a long term close friend, which in itself, has significant value.
Also, as a counter thought to your original question: If someone’s personal life is no one else’s business, does not that also result in a situation of no lies and/or no secrets? In addition, as one who has a side business, my family/friends/coworkers simply assume that I either had a good couple weeks or a bad couple weeks. Last, I just couldn’t resist putting up counter thoughts as, once again, you’ve asked/presented another excellent query to get folks to think about life. Originally Posted by Unique_Carpenter

I always welcome varying viewpoints. I am lucky that I only have to hide about 25% of my life/style. Sometimes because I don't think THEY can handle the whole truth.

I doubt that your "no lies, no secrets" argument would fly with my wife. I am pretty sure she considers my personal life her business. Originally Posted by watchoutthegameisrigged

yes, wives can be that...

There are enough people in my personal life that know just enough about what I do that I don't have to lie. They don't pry so it doesn't really come up. My closest friends know, so it can be an open conversation now and then. Now I don't go talking about specifics such as handles and people I've met but I don't have to live a double life trying to remember what I told one person or the other.....

If I feel like I would have to lie then I just simply say I don't feel comfortable discussing the subject at this time or simply tell me it's none of their business. It's worked fine for me so far.

Being single has its advantages

Oh and I don't much care for the word "hobby" in this lifestyle either. Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

This applies to me too. My relatives and friends know whats up , but don't pry and still respect me...especially around Christmas lol. Being single is perfect, because as far as I'm concerned, I'm just having fun with generous dates. The men in my personal life are non existing, I get my lovin' from the hobby and at this point in my life, I prefer it be like this.

This applies to me too. My relatives and friends know whats up , but don't pry and still respect me...especially around Christmas lol. Being single is perfect, because as far as I'm concerned, I'm just having fun with generous dates. The men in my personal life are non existing, I get my lovin' from the hobby and at this point in my life, I prefer it be like this. Originally Posted by Eva Damita

+1

This applies to me too. My relatives and friends know whats up , but don't pry and still respect me...especially around Christmas lol. Being single is perfect, because as far as I'm concerned, I'm just having fun with generous dates. The men in my personal life are non existing, I get my lovin' from the hobby and at this point in my life, I prefer it be like this. Originally Posted by Eva Damita

As a single lady, I feel the same way. At this point, I have no choice but to offer GFE dates because the hobbyist will be my one and only boyfriend for the hour!

i just hate that i can't browse showcases without fear that my mom will barge into my room without knocking...

I always welcome varying viewpoints. I am lucky that I only have to hide about 25% of my life/style. Sometimes because I don't think THEY can handle the whole truth Originally Posted by LilMynx69

Agreed, but even for non-hobby life, It has been my experience, that SO's, or other friends, family etc, can't handle the whole truth, or even a significant portion, regardless.