Review: Another Lesson Learned - Still Old - And I Completely Understand Why Ladies Don't Like Greek

Even though I'm younger, I've had several prostate checks. All with female doctors now that I think about it. Can't say I was ever turned on by them, even though one was with another female resident watching. If only that could have turned into something more exciting...

At least my doc has a sense of humor. Told me I would "make a lousy homosexual". Thanks Doc!!

Back in April when I visited Dr. Jelly finger, I asked if I could DFK with the nurse while he gave me my prostate exam. Little did I realize he no longer had a female nurse and a male nurse was working that day until he could find a replacement for her.

I always knew there was something about you Von!

Whats' the old joke:

Q: What do you look for in a proctologist? A: Small fingers!!

Mid 40's here, seasoned pro with Dr. Finger in your ass. ( I take it like a champ these days)

My very first experience ( my cherry) was with an Air Force Doc. When I was 20.... I thought I had a hernia, so I went to the base clinic, all through high school sports you get a physical every year... So I was expecting the nut cup, he did that.... Then told me to turn around and bend over the exam table. " Excuse me Sir? " huh? The good doc then explained what he was going to do, there would be minimal discomfort... etc...while he is explaining, I am looking at his hands....... Not dainty fingers, he was a Lt. Col. I finally complied.
I have never felt more violated in my life.... I walked the 1/2 mile back to my dorm with a slimey ass... Then took a half hour shower...

Turns out there was no Hernia, just a pulled groin muscle..... It took 20 years to get over that!

Haha!

To the MODS - This 'Review' is just for entertainment purposes. Please do no attach it to my list of reviews. I am not looking for PA credit either.

I have been coming to terms with the fact that I'm getting older recently. Things are starting to go wrong with my body that are totally new to me.

My way of dealing with it - of dealing with everything - is to POKE fun at it. After all, if you can't laugh at yourself, someone will do it for you.

Date: Early May
Provider: Family Doctor
City: Dallas
State: Texas
Address: Downtown-ish
Appointment Type: Incall
Did the Appointment take place at the agreed-upon time?: No, it never does. What the fuck is the point of setting an appointment if we NEVER start on time? Whatever!
Activities: Chit-Chat, NE & SE exploration...mostly SE, FIA...my ass, I had to do all of the cleanup myself
Session Length: 24minutes
Fee: Not Sure, my co-pay is $10
Hair Length and Color: Short black hair
Age: 50's probably
Smoking Status: I Couldn't Tell
Ethnic Background: African American
Physical Description: 6'0" tall, 190#'s, brown eyes, black hair, long fat fingers, dressed conservatively in a white coat he never removed
The Rest of the Story:.
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Background

I have met with FD for almost a decade now. We've become pretty familiar with one another over the years. He knows my body better than I do...or so he says.

Setup

We have a regularly scheduled recurring visit with one another, but this is the first time I've written a review of him. I hadn't been feeling 'myself' and needed to have something checked out.

Introductions

Unlike most appointments I've had in the last year, this one started with him asking me to step on a scale. What the fuck? I know Hayden Hightower has a weight limit for guys she will see, but I wasn't prepared to be weighed. I mean, shit, I wore steel toe boots and had a big lunch. Fuck this scale! It's a goddam liar anyway...yup, that number is bullshit!

I'm not sure if it was his "assistant"...prolly more like a "manager" that greeted me and asked me to hit the scale, but I didn't like it. I'm not even sure now that I was communicating with FD directly when I setup the appointment. Come to think of it, I did have to repeat myself a lot when he finally asked me what I wanted!

BCD

FD finally came into the very "clinical" looking room and immediately started asking me personal questions. I was like, "Whoa, FD. Why are you asking me about my diet and stress levels?" He was just like, "It's relevant to this appointment." Whatever...I just go with it. It's that goddam lying scale, isn't it? I know it is. Fuck!

After a long discussion about really personal stuff FD is all, "I'm gonna need for you to pull your pants down." I'm like, "Finally."

I have my britches around my ankles and FD starts the weakest HJ I've ever had...it was so "clinical" that I just wasn't getting hard. He switched to my balls and asked me to cough. Strange request, but fuck it...I'm down.

FD says, "Everything seems to be fine here." I'm like, "The hell it is. We are 19 minutes into this appointment and I'm not even hard yet."

He instructs me to bend over this odd massage table. It has a large toilet-paper-like thingy pulled over it. It was really uncomfortable. "Relax just a bit" he says! When I did...I got a finger in my ass! Covered of course.

JessicaUTR got me with this one time, but she had the courtesy to do it during a stellar BBBJ. Not FD! And, fuck, could your fingers be any longer? It felt like he was tickling my esophagus through my asshole. Damn, man! Go easy back there!

After about 13 seconds of a shitty prostate massage he pulls out, removes the glove and says, "All done. That wasn't so bad, now was it?" I mumbled, "It wasn't so fucking good either" as I pulled up my britches and wiped a tear from my eye!

"You've got an enlarged prostate," he says. "Well, no shit. You've been poking it with you're goddam banana hands! I feel abused!"

He wrote me a note I couldn't really read and told me to drop it off at the drug store. And just like that...he left. I didn't even get a fucking wet wipe for my greasy ass! Fuck him! I'm not coming back here. You think I would learn after ten years of the same shit.

Takeaway

For $10 there isn't much more that I can expect. I mean, I did get some sorta HJ, ball play, and FIA. I just don't like having to clean myself up and the "clinical" atmosphere. That may be a turn off to many of you.

Recommendation: Fuck NO!


It sucks...getting older. I know it's bound to happen and I should enjoy every second while it lasts.

Cheers to all of you, especially the ladies, for making it a hell of a ride. Originally Posted by Say What

Dude you had me

I really needed a good laugh...I'm saving your handle to watch for future funny shit...I gotta hang out on the Dallas boards more often... The Houston board is full of assholes...

That was a great "review". Fortunately, I haven't had the pleasure of a rectal exam but I know it's headed my way. When It does I'll just pretend I'm in the movie "The Crying Game".

That was really funny!! Really funny!!

Was there at least a hott nurse?

Had I gone into the appointment expecting FIA, I would probably have prepared a few one-liners to fire off - an attempt to break the ice - for me, not him. I'm actually glad I didn't know it was coming.

His "manager" (the nurse) is a very nice lady, but not one that seems open to foreplay. Fuck, all I really needed was a hug afterward. She's a burly lady with bifocals and an odd "gaspy" rhythm when she breathes. I just wasn't feeling it. I should have just given her the $10 and left.

Understatement of the year:

I won't pop my finger in a lady's ass in doggy anymore. What a fucking mood killer that must be. Not judging anyone that does it (pitcher or catcher), it's just a "do unto others" thing...lol

I've had the finger treatment also, which is always accompanied with a bunch of "I'm sorry's"

I was had by JessicaUTR also, must be something about that girl.

Nice review SW

TM

Shit, you think THAT was bad, I had a similar provider drug me (putting me out COLD) while I was laying in wait on what I THOUGHT was massage table. Next thing I knew, I woke up with him hovering over me, smiling, and saying "We got some great pics." My asshole was a sticky mess; I am still not quite sure what all he did back there.

Make NO mistake about it, Abby...I want to play the horny traveler game with you. Our first session WILL be at the airport! Some of the hottest, most unique reviews I've ever read. Originally Posted by Say What

My ears were tingling....

http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=1040209

Yep, my personal 2 really bad experiences:
- Vasectomy ... Lil' Darth hid when he saw the scalpel ...
- Prostate Checkup ... "bend over" really?

Don't know which one was worse ...

Yep, my personal 2 really bad experiences:
- Vasectomy ... Lil' Darth hid when he saw the scalpel ...
- Prostate Checkup ... "bend over" really?

Don't know which one was worse ... Originally Posted by DarthDVader

I refuse to take what's behind door # 1. No vasectomy for this old fart.