New BDSM provider on Backpage

I am provider but I am also a Domme. I keep the two very seperate. Domination involving sex to me is more like kinky roleplay. Once I have seen someone for BDSM I will not escort with them. I NEVER have sex with my subs. Originally Posted by beautifulbailey

See, now this is a distinction I don't quite get. I can understand only wanting sex with those you enjoy being around (or who float your boat or whatever). I can understand that even providers will draw the line with clients that they don't trust/feel comfortable with/or who just push too many buttons. I get all that. And I understand that women generally speaking aren't as randy as males (biology has a big part in this).

But what I don't quite understand is the very common concept of female dommes that equate sexual relations with their subs = bad idea. Is it some sort of power play they have with them? Do they feel that if they are sexual with their sub they can't be dominant over them anymore? It's almost like a male submissive isn't "good enough" to have sex with his domme, so she needs to seek out an alpha male with which to have sex with.

So does it come down to a power play between domme and sub? Why the vehemence against it?

@Daphne - You are in a unique position to answer this question because you classify yourself as both a domme and a provider? Why do you feel that having sex with a submissive who paid to session with you is against the rules? Granted not everyone has a BDSM session that is oriented around sex, but in theory there's nothing wrong with it. You've already passed the societal boundary by being a provider, so why would you draw the line? Do you only do it for your personal (i.e. non-paying) subs? Or is it any sub in general? And why would you have issue with them wanting to buy time with you as a domme one week and a provider the next? I'd really like to understand your thought processes. Thanks!

I am a new poster on ECCIE. I saw this girl a couple of months ago in Houston. She was sharing an apartment with another provider at Bellfort and Kirkwood. I asked her if she was pro-domme or provider-domme. She said provider-domme. When I showed up, she said she was new to BDSM. She didn't have much in the way of domme attire like she advertised. She also was just role-playing, definitely not a lifestyle for her. She turned out to be a really sweet girl. She said she worked in Nevada at a "ranch", thus the Las Vegas number.

So does it come down to a power play between domme and sub? Why the vehemence against it?

@Daphne - You are in a unique position to answer this question because you classify yourself as both a domme and a provider? Why do you feel that having sex with a submissive who paid to session with you is against the rules? Granted not everyone has a BDSM session that is oriented around sex, but in theory there's nothing wrong with it. You've already passed the societal boundary by being a provider, so why would you draw the line? Do you only do it for your personal (i.e. non-paying) subs? Or is it any sub in general? And why would you have issue with them wanting to buy time with you as a domme one week and a provider the next? I'd really like to understand your thought processes. Thanks! Originally Posted by Krunkman

I think that there are various reasons why some providers who "moonlight" as Dommes say this because it is less "work" on their part. As someone brought up in this thread it allows them to get paid without having to do anything. Most provider/ Dommes who do this don't even deliver the true Domme experience, as I have sat in on sessions from others who provide and was disappointed for the client, if he wasn't. Alot of them have no idea about the attitude and principles of BDSM, all they know is what they may have seen in mild films, which unless they are European films is not a good representation. Either that, they may have had someone into the lifestyle have them play in that realm, so they then figure "I can do this, why not offer this to make more $$?"

Also, as we have discussed in other threads, pro dommes especially in more diverse metropolitan area like New York, have a very strict boundary that they have set in order to be considered a pro. In order to be a respected pro, you wouldn't offer any service that would mistake you for being a whore. I don't know where this standard came from, as I thought that dominance was about control: who possesses it and who relinquishes it.

Most sexual positions are where a woman is in a submissive stance. BJ, on your knees. Missionary, guy on top. Doggie, he is still above you. The only positions that don't fit these are facesitting, and cowgirl, but even in cowgirl the fact that you are INSIDE of us is a subtle reminder of womanly submission to some. I do not restrict myself to such arbitrary and meaningless boundaries, as I practice my BDSM in lifestyle, and has been into longer than I have been a provider. I research and put into practice techniques I have never done before, BEFORE I choose to offer it as a service. Even in my vanilla provider sessions, I still possess an element of control. In BDSM sessions I choose the if, the when, the why, or how. If you deserve a reward or not, if I choose to f*ck you or not, when I choose to if ever, if I determine you have been a good boy (or girl) and how you will recieve your reward. Never a complaint, always a repeat customer.

So to each their own. You cannot fault a provider if they choose not to offer FS in a BDSM session, if that's what you seek, bypass them for someone who can/will offer the best of both worlds.

These s serious business, If they don't know what there doing the could screw some one up big time. there's a lot of trust involve some people don't realize how dangerous serious BDSM play can be.

Thanks for your view Daphne. I had heard many similar issues from lady dommes. The sex portion has always fascinated me a bit though. Dominance comes from the mental aspect. And I realize that women will process the sexual relationship differently then men (not just because they are plumbed different, but because they are wired differently too). It's something I can understand logically, but also something I'll never 'quite' understand simply because I will never be able to experience it from the female point of view.

And I completely agree with you about arbitary rules and definitions. If you have sex, or sometimes even allow your client to get off during/after a session, you aren't perceived by your peers as being a "true" domme... What a load of shit! Well, that's how I see it anyways.

Thanks for the input!

I think that there are various reasons why some providers who "moonlight" as Dommes say this because it is less "work" on their part. As someone brought up in this thread it allows them to get paid without having to do anything. Most provider/ Dommes who do this don't even deliver the true Domme experience, as I have sat in on sessions from others who provide and was disappointed for the client, if he wasn't. Alot of them have no idea about the attitude and principles of BDSM, all they know is what they may have seen in mild films, which unless they are European films is not a good representation. Either that, they may have had someone into the lifestyle have them play in that realm, so they then figure "I can do this, why not offer this to make more $$?"

Also, as we have discussed in other threads, pro dommes especially in more diverse metropolitan area like New York, have a very strict boundary that they have set in order to be considered a pro. In order to be a respected pro, you wouldn't offer any service that would mistake you for being a whore. I don't know where this standard came from, as I thought that dominance was about control: who possesses it and who relinquishes it.

Most sexual positions are where a woman is in a submissive stance. BJ, on your knees. Missionary, guy on top. Doggie, he is still above you. The only positions that don't fit these are facesitting, and cowgirl, but even in cowgirl the fact that you are INSIDE of us is a subtle reminder of womanly submission to some. I do not restrict myself to such arbitrary and meaningless boundaries, as I practice my BDSM in lifestyle, and has been into longer than I have been a provider. I research and put into practice techniques I have never done before, BEFORE I choose to offer it as a service. Even in my vanilla provider sessions, I still possess an element of control. In BDSM sessions I choose the if, the when, the why, or how. If you deserve a reward or not, if I choose to f*ck you or not, when I choose to if ever, if I determine you have been a good boy (or girl) and how you will recieve your reward. Never a complaint, always a repeat customer.

So to each their own. You cannot fault a provider if they choose not to offer FS in a BDSM session, if that's what you seek, bypass them for someone who can/will offer the best of both worlds. Originally Posted by luxury daphne

Pro Dommes do NOT offer pussy.
They are not hookers.
They are INTELLIGENT and control a man.
You are a "provider" who lays down for a hobby...or a Dominatrix who uses her intelligence to craft a session for a sub.
It isn't "the best of both worlds."
The sub can get sex from ANYONE.
He can only be taken to "subspace" by a true DOMME.

Pro Dommes do NOT offer pussy.
They are not hookers.
They are INTELLIGENT and control a man.
You are a "provider" who lays down for a hobby...or a Dominatrix who uses her intelligence to craft a session for a sub.
It isn't "the best of both worlds."
The sub can get sex from ANYONE.
He can only be taken to "subspace" by a true DOMME. Originally Posted by DommeKeliDallas

I guess we can agree to disagree here.

I have no issue with a domme being a provider. While I, like every other human out there, am sometimes in the position to be controlled/manipulated, the difference is that I choose to be in that position. Unless we are talking about non-consensual slavery, then any submissive is there for reasons of their own. And when we get into the pay-for-play, one could even argue that the dominant is submitting to the submissive in order for the monetary exchange to take place. Unless you are able to make a business of seeing a client only a single time and doing whatever the hell you want with no concern for their input or desires, its highly unlikely you'll get repeat business from them.

A domme can be any woman, provider or not, who establishes a relationship, if even temporary, with the submissive she is with at the time. Not every d/s play date is about whips/chains/hardcore play. Sometimes its as simple as surrendering to your domme and lying there while she simply talks to you, or perhaps runs her hands over your body. Maybe the next time you play she suspends you upside down by your ankles and take a bullwhip to you (a potentially very HOT scene I've seen done at Sanctuary in the past).

My experience in the decades I've been in the lifestyle tell me that d/s is always a person-oriented experience. To some (or one) people, you can be hopelessly lost in your submission. But then when Master Bob / Mistress Bobbie comes by and tells you to go fetch them a coke you can turn to them and happily tell them to fuck off and get it theirself. In the scene its quite verbotten to touch/play with someone else's submissive.

No, I would have to say that "true" dominant is a very fluid term. People are going to make that own judgement for theirself. Until there is an internationally recognized body that can put forth an accepted stamp of "true" dominant, anyone can call theirself a "true" dominant and because they say so, that makes it real and correct? No, I don't think so. Dominants need to earn respect and their title just like everyone else.

I guess we can agree to disagree here.

I have no issue with a domme being a provider. While I, like every other human out there, am sometimes in the position to be controlled/manipulated, the difference is that I choose to be in that position. Unless we are talking about non-consensual slavery, then any submissive is there for reasons of their own. And when we get into the pay-for-play, one could even argue that the dominant is submitting to the submissive in order for the monetary exchange to take place. Unless you are able to make a business of seeing a client only a single time and doing whatever the hell you want with no concern for their input or desires, its highly unlikely you'll get repeat business from them.

A domme can be any woman, provider or not, who establishes a relationship, if even temporary, with the submissive she is with at the time. Not every d/s play date is about whips/chains/hardcore play. Sometimes its as simple as surrendering to your domme and lying there while she simply talks to you, or perhaps runs her hands over your body. Maybe the next time you play she suspends you upside down by your ankles and take a bullwhip to you (a potentially very HOT scene I've seen done at Sanctuary in the past).

My experience in the decades I've been in the lifestyle tell me that d/s is always a person-oriented experience. To some (or one) people, you can be hopelessly lost in your submission. But then when Master Bob / Mistress Bobbie comes by and tells you to go fetch them a coke you can turn to them and happily tell them to fuck off and get it theirself. In the scene its quite verbotten to touch/play with someone else's submissive.

No, I would have to say that "true" dominant is a very fluid term. People are going to make that own judgement for theirself. Until there is an internationally recognized body that can put forth an accepted stamp of "true" dominant, anyone can call theirself a "true" dominant and because they say so, that makes it real and correct? No, I don't think so. Dominants need to earn respect and their title just like everyone else. Originally Posted by Krunkman

True Dommes DO NOT COMPROMISE.
They will not compromise their bodies or their morals.
Krunk...you are NOT an authority.
It is "themselves" not "theirself"....
You have been corrected.

I am a new poster on ECCIE. I saw this girl a couple of months ago in Houston. She was sharing an apartment with another provider at Bellfort and Kirkwood. I asked her if she was pro-domme or provider-domme. She said provider-domme. When I showed up, she said she was new to BDSM. She didn't have much in the way of domme attire like she advertised. She also was just role-playing, definitely not a lifestyle for her. She turned out to be a really sweet girl. She said she worked in Nevada at a "ranch", thus the Las Vegas number. Originally Posted by VicHumNat

EXACTLY.
You don't have to have an imagination to get on your knees...or your back.

True Dommes DO NOT COMPROMISE.
They will not compromise their bodies or their morals.
Krunk...you are NOT an authority.
It is "themselves" not "theirself"....
You have been corrected. Originally Posted by DommeKeliDallas

Kel,
I stand humbly corrected. And a big LOL about your compromise statement. It will vary from individual to individual. Until and unless you have an international standards body that certifies you as a "true" domme, any person can assume the title. The fact that you accept money in a pay for play relationship has nothing to do with "true".

Now, if you want to use some historically established guidelines, then I assume you are aware of the Old Guard's standards where everyone in the community started out as slave, and only when you made the journey from slave to Master did the community agree to recognize you as such (though in this case we should say Mistress). There are very few today who are willing to undergo such a test to earn the right to the title and responsibilities.

I have never claimed any authority outside of myself. But as I am not an authority, neither are you. In my dealings with the lifestyle and people in the lifestlye over the years I have picked up a bit of knowledge and education. I have attended classes, facilitated events and done much, much more. I speak from knowledge, experience as well as opinion.

So how did you obtain your Domme title? Did you earn it somehow, or did you annoint yourself as such? One is different than the other.

Pro Dommes do NOT offer pussy.
They are not hookers.
They are INTELLIGENT and control a man.
You are a "provider" who lays down for a hobby...or a Dominatrix who uses her intelligence to craft a session for a sub.
It isn't "the best of both worlds."
The sub can get sex from ANYONE.
He can only be taken to "subspace" by a true DOMME. Originally Posted by DommeKeliDallas

I will also disagree on this.

True, I am a provider who supplies services here, keep in mind that you are also on a provider site.
I thank you for pointing out that I am a Dominatrix who uses my intelligence to craft a session for a sub.

You have your opinion that this is is not the best of both worlds, butI oppose that view, and both of our views on this is okay.

I have more BDSM sessions than vanilla ones, and not all of my BDSM sessions involve "sex" as we think of it. In a lot of cases, the services we provide is more of a sexual enhancement for the sub than it is for most Dommes. For me it is not. That is the greatest turn on that I know, to be in control and dominant to one who bows before Me.

Yes, a sub can get sex from anyone. This is really not the issue. Being in true dominance, if I want one of my subs to please Me in a sexual manner, and feel that he has pleased Me to a point where he deserves it, I am not going to deny Myself that because of what someone else thinks about it. I run My sh!t, not anyone else.

Taking one to subspace is not all that there is when you have cultivated a relationship with a sub; I am more than capable of doing that and some.

It becomes more and more clear as another who posted in this thread said, the European and the American view on BDSM is very different.

To each their own.

Some people take themselves way too seriously.

Yes, and sometimes the inability to deviate from what someone else sets as a standard shows how even those who practice something just don't "get it".

Will a true domme pay for dinner, and beat up the jerk at the end of the bar?

Question for you all, especially you Master PPE: If you, as a man, have sex with a sub, does this undermine your authority or make you less than worthy of being called Master??? Or does this ridiculous theory only apply to female dominants?