Dirty nasty freakiest thing you ever did?

Mine don't top that.....besides the usual of out all day girl working out and sweating ...,pussy wreaking of body salt and piss.....we walk the entire island of cancun....and I am so drunk I go down and eat like no tomorrow. Chic tells me next morning she smelled so bad she wouldn't ate for a month.

Not as bad but still fun is a chick named Kari I was banging I fucked in an elevator once. I busted a nut deep inside her and while at work she text me from hot tropics that my nut oozed out all over the bikini she was trying on. Thought she was full of shit and she text me the pic. Next day I asked if she bought the bikini and she said no lol

I ATE out 3 women in the jaccuzzi in Jamacia at Hediusum 2 and never came up for air...My boy friend pulled me up. He was a firefighter . When he pulled me up IM like I am not finished what the hell you doing? He said no human can stay under water for that long.. and I said I am breathin the air from there pussy they have air pockets thus the sounds you hear in a pussy fart...... Everybody laughed and under I went again cause I was rudly interupted...The next night at the jaccuzzi was standing room only

Back in the 90s, spending a day with a lady who had an enema fetish (receiving). Learned a lot about something I knew would probably never do again, but it was interesting and she enjoyed.

Banged an ex-gf in a stairwell at a concert venue, dropped a load in her then went back out to watch the show. Noticed a gob of cum dribbling down her thigh, scooped it up and had her suck it off my finger. She never liked cum any other time, but the nastiness seemed to turn her on.

I ATE out 3 women in the jaccuzzi in Jamacia at Hediusum 2 and never came up for air...My boy friend pulled me up. He was a firefighter . When he pulled me up IM like I am not finished what the hell you doing? He said no human can stay under water for that long.. and I said I am breathin the air from there pussy they have air pockets thus the sounds you hear in a pussy fart...... Everybody laughed and under I went again cause I was rudly interupted...The next night at the jaccuzzi was standing room only Originally Posted by Majichands

I thought everyone knew about the pussy air pockets?

The subject is covered in my tainted tent revivals.

The subject is covered in my tainted tent revivals. Originally Posted by pyramider

I thought those tents were for
selling fireworks ,that was you?

One time I was in South Florida and was seeing a sexy petite blond spinner, and we were making out in the car and she was between me and the steering wheel. We had the windows open and she is a screamer, she wanted it then, so I lifted her skirt ( she doesnt wear panties ) and I slid in her and she was screaming so loud we started to have others looking around the parking lot to see where the noise came from.

We stopped and the lookers left bbut not before I unloaded in her...thankfully I cannot have kids ( no way at all ) She wanted to taste me, so she fingered out all my cum and ate it.

I ATE out 3 women in the jaccuzzi at Hedonism 2 in Jamaica and never came up for air...My boy friend pulled me up. He was a firefighter . When he pulled me up I'm like... "I am not finished what the hell you doing?" He said... "No human can stay under water for that long.." and I said, "I am breathin the air from their pussy they have air pockets thus the sounds you hear in a pussy fart."..... Everybody laughed and under I went again cause I was rudly interupted...The next night at the jaccuzzi was standing room only Originally Posted by Majichands

They never taught us that in scuba diving. But I'm definitely going to remember it.

Doesn't matter if it was with a pro or in real life.

Mine would be back when my wife first stopped her sex drive I had a few girlfriends on the side. My wife wanted the D about once a month or so but I wanted it once a day. So solution seemed easy enough. So I was fucking her friend Lindsey and this particular time Lindsey was extra freaky. I was fucking her from behind with her arms behind her back all the while her yelling harder harder. Then she yells fuck my ass so I fucked her ass and again she yelled harder harder. Well I busted in her ass. Now I should mention this is in an old hunting cabin closed up from the winter prior so no running water or towels. So tired sweaty and ready for bed I go home. So plan was to go shower and hit the bed. Well, I got side tracked by the boob tube and fell asleep. I wake up and the wife is unzipping my pants. I'm like wtf knowing my dick just a few hours ago was in her friends pussy and ass and still has my cum probably crusted to it. So it had to wreak of sex. I told her I was sweating all day and let me take a shower first. She said no she wanted it now. So between the nerves of thinking she had to be able to taste/smell her friend and the fact I really was wore out from the sex it took forever for me to her hard again. So finally get it up she gets on and fucks me till we both cum. After she goes you are lucky I was so horny cause your dick tasted like shit. Still don't know how she didn't figure that out lol Originally Posted by Wizbull0

I'm calling bullshit on this one....it sounds exactly like a joke I've heard before...right down to the hunting cabin and the "your dick tastes like shit" punchline.

I thought everyone knew about the pussy air pockets? Originally Posted by Chica Chaser

They are called PFFlyers in the national medical journals

I'm calling bullshit on this one....it sounds exactly like a joke I've heard before...right down to the hunting cabin and the "your dick tastes like shit" punchline. Originally Posted by boredinsatx

I'm calling bullshit on your bullshit. I really hate fucking people who lie for no reason. So, please do tell this joke you heard, right down to the hunting cabin. I am really interested in how a story turns into a joke. Is this a knock knock joke or does it start with 3 guys walk into a bar? Fucking moron

I'm calling bullshit on your bullshit. I really hate fucking people who lie for no reason. So, please do tell this joke you heard, right down to the hunting cabin. I am really interested in how a story turns into a joke. Is this a knock knock joke or does it start with 3 guys walk into a bar? Fucking moron Originally Posted by Wizbull0

Well I didn't want to type out the whole thing...but here it is.

A guy is planning his next hunting trip and his wife is suspicious that something fishy is going on, so she tells her husband that she wants to join him. He tells her that she shouldn't go because it will be cold and they get up really early, but she insists. He tells her she can go, but she must participate in the hunting activities, and she agrees.

So they all go out to the cabin, and the night before the hunt a big storm blows in. It's freezing cold and sleeting out, but at 4 a.m. the husband wakes his wife up and say's let's go. The wife tries to get out of going...but the husband aint having it. He tells her "I'm going to get the dogs ready, and if when I get back you aren't up and dresssed, I am going to fuck you in the ass like you've never been fucked before"

The wife starts contemplating her choices...she really doesn't want to go hunting, but she knows her husband will fuck her in the ass so hard she won't be able to walk straight for a week....suddenly an idea hits her. As soon as he gets back she'll give him the best BJ he's ever had complete with CIM and afterwards he won't be able to get hard again to fuck her in the ass.

As soon as he walks in the door, she drops to her knees, whips out his cock and starts sucking his dick like it's the last one she'll ever see. As she's slobbing away, she realizes something is off, an says" honey, your dick tastes lick shit"

To which, the husband replies " yeah, one of them dogs didn't want to get up either!!?

There's your joke..ahem..I mean the inspiration for your "dirty story"

I'd don't know if this is "freaky" but it was outrageous.

Many moons ago, the wife of a friend really wanted to give the Ol' Tiger a try. They were throwing a Christmas party at their apartment. The bathroom had doors to both their bedroom and the living room. I head to the bathroom, not knowing wife had spotted me. She went to the bedroom and came in the bathroom door. Long story short, we fucked and I unloaded in her pussy. She left via the bedroom and I want back to the party via the living room. No one, even her husband who was 20 feet away was any the wiser.