So you want to hang out with or date a provider?

Not at all. Your post simply points out many of the real pitfalls of trying to date a provider. I would think it has to be tough, in general, as a provider to have a normal social life. Especialy if the guy knows what you do. So many things you mentioned have to have an effect. Heck, scheduling alone has to be a headache for most. I am sure there are rare exceptions of course.

It is interesting, to me at least given my background, of how a provider is able to have a "normal" relationship at all. It seems it would take an exceptional woman and man to keep work seperate enough to not effect their personal relationship.

For those of you who don't know my writing style. Please excuse me if I came off too brash. It was meant only to be humorous. I have always said that the gentelmen who I spent my time with in the hobby. Have treated me with more respect and grattitude than the guys I date in my personal life. I am not tired of the hobby. I am retired from the hobby. My posting was nothing more at entertainment not a validation of my status of wealth or power. If I offended you or crushed your ego I apologize. But for those of you who have seen me post on the other site. I am honest in my approach to my personal and hobby life. To know me is to love me or wanna f**k me. Either way you still come away all warm inside! Originally Posted by JacquelineWhatever

Thanks for the clarificaiton bubba. The life of a provider is as hard as she allows it to be. The pitfalls are no worse or better than those of any other profession. Just different. You take the good with the bad and enjoy the hell out of what goes on BCD. Because in all reality guys is there no such thing as a bad bj. Just some that are overpriced. Right?

Well, I also have some personal insight, having dated both strippers and a provider in the past. The provider was an exceptional woman and was one of the happiest times I had in along time, before or since and I was very sad when it ended. Reguardless of occupation, attraction finds a way to being people together. Honesty and willingness to try goes a long way towards overcoming many of the problems inherent in dating in the hobby.

Maybe its not an ideal enviroment but it can and does happen. Good luck to you if you find happyness reguardless of where you find it.

Awhile back, I dated a man off and on for over a year and tried to end it due to it just wasn't going anywhere, but I really didn't know how to do it without being mean! So, after several drinks one night at his house, I blurted out what I did part time! I had already grabbed my purse and keys and headed for the door when he stopped me and said he could live with it! From that night forward, he questioned me on everything about the hobby! I can understand the curiosity about the hobby, but every 5 minutes he was talking about it! It just got to be too much for me, so I ended it several months after that!

I was once told by a provider that what she missed most about a "civilian" sex life was forgetting about the formalities (condoms) and just being able to get all sticky and gooey and covered with each others sex and being able to lay back together, no clocks, no "rules"....this wasn't an offer, just an observation on her part.

Seems a fair enough wish to me. What's real and important hasn't got anything to do with commerce. From I've heard and read, they are, and should be, mutually exclusive.

Thanks for the clarificaiton bubba. The life of a provider is as hard as she allows it to be. The pitfalls are no worse or better than those of any other profession. Just different. You take the good with the bad and enjoy the hell out of what goes on BCD. Because in all reality guys is there no such thing as a bad bj. Just some that are overpriced. Right? Originally Posted by JacquelineWhatever

jacqueline, great toughts from your heart!!

when a person spends a major portion of their life working at any kind of job, there is a high probability that their relationship can take a backseat to it. look at actors, musicians, artists, high-powered attys or business people, etc. etc. etc.

just the other night, there was a pgm on KERA about katherine hepburn & spencer tracy. she said that she decided not to marry cos she wanted to devote her life to acting, which she felt would shortchange her husband and any kids she would have. it sounded like she didnt regret that decision. [all my interpretation from memory]

toss in that the business is about intimate activities and the interaction between the two ratchets up about 10 notches. [i imagine porn stars, dancers, and other sex workers have similar situations]

so, i can understand your sentiments in your first post. my take : dont expect something for nothing. work at it and accept what you get. or go elsewhere. cos there is a BIG WHITE LINE between a provider and a client, whether either of them are single or committed/married to another person. it's there whether we want it there or not. and it wont go away.


bubba, good luck in your journey. as i've said before, it's always good to step back a bit and look around where you are and see if it's the place you really want to be. if so, go for it. if not, go elsewhere.

I think the relationship thing has been tried in numerous ways with people on the board. Some start out has business transactions, then move to OTC, then - whatever.

I married a hobbyist who was never my client. He continued to see providers while we were married, and that was fine until he quit having sex with me. During the time he was avoiding the marriage bed, he frequently verballized his desire to be with this girl or that girl. So, the relationship I thought was going to be great on so many levels turned out to be a farce.

I also had a LTR with someone who was my client. We remained close for years, but his marital status wasn't going to change. So much for that fairy tale.

On the flip side, I have heard many stories of hobbyists becoming attached to providers, only to end up paying (via gifts and support) much more than the hourly negotiated rate. Renting is much cheaper than the lease-to-own program.

I think providers and hobbyists can be friends OTC, but it does not seem to work out for a committed relationship in my world.

As a provider, who at one time might have considered dating a hobbyist (before I thought better of it), I can honestly say that the transformation between P4P and 'just because we wanna' that occurs when it turns 'real' would probably only work if the hobbyist stopped hobbying. Which, is a pretty hypocritical expectation, in my opinion. Eventually he's going to get resentful and think to himself, "Yeah...but look at what you're doing!"

I just don't think I could really handle it if some guy I was dating slept with me for free, but regularly went out and 'paid' other girls.

When you live the NSA lifestyle, it complicates other aspects of your life...and the expectations that go along with real relationships. I don't have a swinger's mentality--what's mine is mine. And if I can't offer the same thing in return... You get the point.

When I was dating the provider, the way I handled it was I knew she was with me because she wanted to be. The other smucks had to pay her to be with her. She swore I was the only one she was seeing outside of work. I know its splitting a fine hair but it was enough for me to accept what she did for a living. In 5 months I saw one other provider because of a barter for work I did for her.

There is a lady that I have met lately that has a ton in common with me. If we met outside the hobby I would be walking on air... Since that wasn't the case, I know that I would never be able to handle her profession because I'm actually a pretty monogomous person (I only do this when not dating). That being said, I would never ask her to quit because I don't have that right.

In today's world, to have a relationship is very difficult and being new to the hobby I have found out that it is much harder. As for me, I will never be able to have a relationship with anyone outside the hobby. Prior to getting in the hobby, I was and am still seeing a married gentleman that has been in the hobby for quite awhile. Every thing is OTC. To be perfectly clear, he is not my sugar daddy, and I refuse to ask him for any financial assistance. We have hung out together almost everyday for the past 17 months. In that time he has not been with another woman unless I was the one that brought them there. Always complains about wanting some so strange and when I first got in the hobby told him that if he paid for another provider then he would have to pay me also. Now I tell him to go for it, if he needs it then do it. We go to strip bars together and have our little hang outs. I am able to discuss my fears, my enjoyment, etc of the hobby and he understands and encourages me. He is all about exploration and sexual liberation.

I have no illusions about him leaving his spouse. That will never happen and I would never ask him to leave her. One day it will end and I will be sad but its inevitable. Recently I have started having concerns about his feelings of me being in the hobby, like calling me by my hobby name in an establishment, outside the hobby, that we are well known in. To note: he has never called me by my hobby name. We have been places where he has asked me how I wanted to be introduced.

In this Hobby, I have met some outstanding people who I know will become friends for life, Providers and Hobbyist both. We must always have a mutual respect for each other be that in a hobby or a civilian relationship/friendship. I imagine that in the future I will date another hobbyist only because I can be truthful and not hide things. If each person is secure within themselves and with each other then all things are possible.

My whole thing would be, "Would he be hobbying while with me?" And that would not be okay with me! (For a serious relationship to occur, no hobbying can be done on any party)

If i post under you Ryan, does that mean you are on top of me?

I too have dated both a provider and a stripper (or twelve). It's kind of hard, but I had no problem being monogamous. I think I could have even handled her staying in the business were it not for other clients who, to be honest, were more than clients. The random sex was not nearly the issue that her having a few regulars who were really too close for comfort.

I also would have liked it if she didn't insist she was monogamous while still having sex for money. That just seemed a bit disingenuous.

But the strippers were more difficult to date.

What if the guy in question really doesn't want to "date" or "hang out" with a provider, but just wants to fuck her for free? Do the same rules apply then?