Funny sessions youve had

Years ago when I was in High School.
I was about 16 and so was my girlfriend. We were green and inexperienced and we were
having sex and air was being pushed out causing a "Vagina Fart" with every stroke. We
both thought it was a regular fart so neither of us mentioned it. The next time we had sex
it happened again and afterwards she apologized and said she did not know why she
farted so when we had sex.

When I was in college it happened again with another girl and she said to me that it
would stop as soon as she lubed up, sure enough it did. I then thought of my high school
days. Years later I ran into my high school girl friend at a party and we were sharing
a drink and when we were out of ear shot of everyone she said I know what all that
noise was and it was not regular farts. I told her that I had figured it out too, we had
a good laugh and guess what latter that night we had sex and no farts!!!

A few years ago, I made an appointment with a current popular and p411 provider and went to this small chain motel she had a room at, I arrived on time, but had to wait because the room was not ready. After 20 minutes, she said to come in, she was not in the attire requested after she told she would be, and then allowed only 1 pic before we started.

After about 30 seconds of DFK, we get naked, then a 10 second SS, she laid down for me to DATY. After a few minutes, the door to the room was opened by a dude that saw me eating her pussy, but because she was not moaning or making any sound or movement, he had no idea what he was going into, then he shut the door a few seconds afterwards. We had a laugh (the most noise she made all session!), then I got up and locked the door.

BTW, our entire session lasted not even 20 minutes of BCD time, after paying her for the hour, she said to please not review because she has a rep to uphold, but I did anyway on TER. Don't you just hate it when a provider basically demands you not to say anything negative about your experience with her or do a bad review or else? What good are adult boards like this if you cannot share all pertinent info you want to share?

Sophia Dane back in mid 2013. Her long hair on my face. I couldn't see where she was and I accidently butted heads with her. Ouch.

Had a session with an Asian little person who had pizza delivered in the middle of our session. Then when we were done, found her female friend hiding in the bathroom. The session was so bad that I could only laugh about it.

I have two funny stories....

Once, a friend and I were playing and I did a bit of tease and denial before he was able to finish...when he stood up at the end of the bed his knees buckled and he hit the floor. I jumped up and rushed to the end of the bed, he popped his head back up, gave me a huge smile and said I'm okay! We laughed so hard. He said he'd never been that weak kneed after sex before and then He high fived me for sexy time. Score!

My ATF and I were involved in a pretty active session and he was pounding me like a good boy should. When all of the sudden, my bed cracked, broke and we were clinging to each other for dear life. Literally almost thrown to the floor. We stopped long enough to rig the bed and got back at it! If somethings not breaking, you aren't doing it right. I miss that bed

Looks like you win the prize for the Provider who doesn't have a male handle or have access to ROS. Originally Posted by Von Spieler

lol I don't have ROS either....

funniest...

a lil asian gent gave me 6 neck hickeys

a gent lost dropped his ring in the toilet and flushed it down!

I broke a bed while riding a gents face so hard...I even pulled down the picture above the bed...the gent {who was in his 20's} told me that it was his mom's bed/bedroom...he lived with her still!

Haha! All of these are so funny - thanks to the OP for coming up with this topic!

There was one time I was grabbing lube and heading back to the bed. I had dropped some lube onto the wooden floor, and while I was taking a step to get on the bed, I slipped (in heels) on the lube and busted my ass.

Another time I was CG, and the gentleman sat up and tried to pick me up and swing me into mish. Instead, he lost his balance, and we both fell of the bed (and my bed is HIGH - ouch!). I haven't heard from him since haha! Hope you're okay, buddy!

Lmfao 😂😂😂😂

I'm laughing so hard at these comments but Von's review takes the cake.

My contribution, though not with a provider. It was with a fuck buddy years ago:

I was having sex on the floor of my apartment and I start to cum so I pull out with the intent to finish on her stomach and tits. My first shot was so strong that it hit her in the eye. She reflexively turns her head just in time for my next shot to land in her ear. I start laughing my ass off while I'm still coming as she has her hands up in a defensive gesture and waits for the semen assault to end. When she opens her one good eye and surveys the damage she starts to laugh with me. Needless to say, I grabbed her a warm towel since it was the least I could do.

A well regarded Provider arrived at my hotel room in LA. She lacked energy, lifeless and not very into making me happy so I asked her if we needed to reschedule as she didn't act right. She put her head in her hands and started crying. I was thinking... Great.. Who died or is in the hospital. She blurts out that her pet monkey had died. Wtf!!!! I expressed my regrets and escorted her out.

Not very funny. But a while back, I was with a provider and someone kept calling her phone, she eventually turned her phone off, only to have a knock at the door. At which point I wanted to call it quits and leave. So I pull out to let her answer the door and no one is there, she comes back and starts sucking dick again. (Fantastic I might add) about to finish up....another beating on the door. Fuck!!! She starts yelling "I'm sucking dick, leave me alone" and tells me it's probably her "EX-boyfriend" and tells me she wants me to cum on her face and confront him with a face full of cum. She went back on her knees and and within a minute I was ready to make it happen. Told her when, shot maybe the biggest load I've ever shot on her face. (I was "fasting" at the time) she handed me the donation envelope and said "no charge this time" and walked to the door...still naked. As I'm getting dressed I hear arguing down the hall of the hotel. I put the envelope on the bathroom sink, and got out as fast as I could making sure that that little door lock thing was keeping the door from closing, as I'm sure she didn't think to bring the key with her. Made my way down 5 flights of stairs to my car.
Still can't get the image out of my head. Her arguing with her "ex-boyfriend" in the hallway of a hotel....stark naked with a facefull of cum.
Never did see her again.

I had a guy try to get up after a blow job and his knees just wobbled like wet noodles and he buckled down to the floor while yelling, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MEEE??? WITCHERY!!" I died laughing. He nicknamed me Salem Witch after that one LOL.

Love this thread, have enjoyed reading it!!

I had a visit a few years back with a sweet MILF from ASPD (remember that site).

Anyway, she had a lot of candles at her incall, at a very nice hotel. well things got pretty hot and heavy and soon the bed was a mess and we had knocked everything off the bed.

In the middle of passion, we both smell smoke. We had inadvertently knocked over one of the decorative pillows onto a candle which was smoldering and starting to light one of the curtains on fire!!

So I pull out and hop up using the other pillows to put out the fire and she goes and gets glasses full of water to douse the smoldering curtain and pillow.

We laughed really hard and then launched back into the festivities.

ahhh. la vie!

Love this hobby. treat everyone with respect and have fun!!!

Still can't get the image out of my head. Her arguing with her "ex-boyfriend" in the hallway of a hotel....stark naked with a facefull of cum.
Never did see her again. Originally Posted by Clopchep

You're KIDDING me, she would have been my ATF after pulling that off!!

This happened TWICE at two different places with two different people, I got locked out of my incall accidentally and had to have the gentleman boost me up into an unlocked window... Lucky for him, I didn't charge for that. Ha.. Just kidding:-)
I also had a wife pull up right as I was letting someone into my incall. I had emailed the addy to him and she had somehow hacked his work email..
So she knew the time, date and location.
I saw her barreling down the sidewalk and simply closed the door to let the poor guy somehow try to defend himself on the porch...she didn't seem to have a weapon so I thought it might be a fair fight.
It sounded pretty ugly.
I just closed the blinds, turned off the lights and poured myself a vodka. Straight up.
Not so funny then but he emailed me later and let me know he lived and that they worked it out.
Now it's a little funny.
Needless to say, I no longer text or email an address