A Provider Rant – Did This Hobbyist Step Over The Line

Fellow Hobbyists and Providers,

Something rather unusual happened between me and a provider and I am looking for some advice. I am going to call her “Provider Lady” to protect her identity.

I was off yesterday and had set up lunch and then an afternoon session with my ATF. Unfortunately life happens and she had to cancel. So I reached out to another provider that I have been chatting with via PM for a few weeks to see if she would be interested in the same. Here is our exchange…

#9 - No form of private communications between members are to be posted in our forums. This includes the contents of emails, PMs, IMs, private chat logs, privately shared images, etc. This is an invasion of another's privacy and will not be allowed. DED

There was approximately an hour between PM1 and PM2 and an hour and a half between PM2 and PM3. I have not heard back from her, so I assume she blocked me.

My thought is she misunderstood my first PM, or my intent in my first PM, and went on a rant, but I am also wondering if I did something out of line. I really was just looking for a nice lunch and then a session, but would have settled for a comeback like “Gotta pass on lunch today honey, but I can entertain you at 2:00.”

As far as haggling is concerned, I have never asked a lady to lower her rate for me. Providers are in this business for a reason … to make money … the same reason any other business person is in their chosen business. They set what they think is a fair price. I either agree and pay to play, or I disagree and stay away.

So, what are your thoughts about this situation? What should I have done differently?

BDD Originally Posted by BDD

People's time is there time, many females ask for a fee to go to lunch or it's inclusive,...why ask someone to do this for free?...while her response was severe, your email was presumptuous and desperate.

People's time is there time, many females ask for a fee to go to lunch or it's inclusive,...why ask someone to do this for free?...while her response was severe, your email was presumptuous and desperate. Originally Posted by brandilynn

True or not about presumption and desperation but her response was the response of a nut and she's to be avoided IMO.



That being said, I don't think asking for anything off the clock is a good idea in the future, especially with a girl he has never seen before. The only "keepin' it real" way of looking at providers time, lunch, dinner, whatever, is that that time spent eating for free with the OP could have been worth a couple of hundred bucks doing something else. Time is money.

I think the lady has a literacy problem and never read beyond "off the clock." Your comment was precise and well-worded, not the least bit offensive or desperate, a nice invitation. She either jumped to a conclusion or is one of the providers who expect every second of her breathing in your presence to be compensated. Too bad. She misses out on some great opportunities, no doubt.

Like Olivia, I also juggle on and off the clock time at my discretion. Flexibility, and amiability, are key components to being successful and gaining a respected reputation. Time is money, yes, but a small investment of time can lead to a large influx of money over the long haul, and that is so much better than a revolving door of one-time visitors, IMHO.

Take your ATF to lunch at the next opportunity and tell her how much you appreciate her. A bouquet of flowers would be a nice reflection of that, too.

....I think you should stick with your ATF from now on...... Originally Posted by SexyCassandra

Good advice! I'm sure she will make it up to me. She knows exactly what I like. Hope to see her soon. But for that "life happens" stuff, she and I would have had a nice lunch and an amazing time yesterday and nobody would be reading this thread.

Maybe next week ...

BDD

Her reply was over the top and not necessary. She could have declined more tactfully, perhaps. You did make it sound like you wanted free time and assumed she was okay with it. Some providers expect that all of the time that they spend with you is compensated for. That includes lunch/dinner/private time/etc. Originally Posted by Gwendolyn Cain

“I know this is short notice and such, but would you be interested in a nice lunch off the clock and a fun session on the clock at your place after lunch?

"Would you be interested" assumes nothing. It is not even an open-ended question.

His ATF had to cancel.

No, BDD, I don't think you did anything wrong. I go to lunch or a drink with clients sometimes. If there is a chemestry, we're having fun and I have the time, why not? This world is much more fun if you're playing with friends.

I do have dinner or Off the Clock (Where there is no hard and fast time limit.) dates, in fact it is my primary appointment type, and yes the entire time is compensated. But what youn asked for is much different than a lunch or a glass of wine at the Tasting Room. A dinner date is multiple hours and different in general, but you asked for was completly different. It was an appointment in the middle of the day and everybody's got to eat . You were a complete gentleman and you got cyber slaped for no reason. Originally Posted by OliviaHoward

Agree 100%; this is the correct answer. And something makes me think that even if she replied in the negative, Ms Howard would have done so with class.

+1
She could have had any number of things going on in her life to cause her to react in such a manner... Hormones, failed calculus, death in the family, overfull schedule, under full schedule, needs an extra hundred to cut the lights back on - could be anything. She could have been more diplomatic, but certain situations will cause anyone to throw diplomacy out the window. I'm sorry you were the recipient. I'd focus lunch donation on your ATF from here on out. Originally Posted by theCFE

While I agree she could have had any number or reasons to be upset on that given day, with that given request, unless she has a history with this hobbyist, which he failed to mention to us, such rudeness is just wrong.

People's time is there time, many females ask for a fee to go to lunch or it's inclusive,...why ask someone to do this for free?...while her response was severe, your email was presumptuous and desperate. Originally Posted by brandilynn

Again, there is nothing presumptuous in his request. One NEVER knows unless one asks. He does not say, "meet me for lunch; I will pick up the tab, but it will be off the clock for you. Then we will have a session, on the clock, of course."

And where is the desperation?

We know ONLY what BDD shares. He has been chatting with a provider. He believes they are hitting it off nicely. He asks for a date...lunch off the clock with a session, on, to follow.

I have never made such a request. But if I did, I would expect a yes or no answer, not to be detonated for it. There are definitely requests that earn and demand such harsh responses....BBFS or any request the provider has made known is not part of her menu, any encroachment on a provider's privacy or, of course, not taking no for an answer....stalking behavior, and etc.

My advice to you...forget her...and ease on down the road.

Awww sorry that happened to you .... You seem like a sweet guy .... Im usually available for lunch and play ... If you ever need another provider in the future ... Originally Posted by Monica4u

I think the lady has a literacy problem and never read beyond "off the clock." Your comment was precise and well-worded, not the least bit offensive or desperate, a nice invitation. She either jumped to a conclusion or is one of the providers who expect every second of her breathing in your presence to be compensated. Too bad. She misses out on some great opportunities, no doubt...

...Take your ATF to lunch at the next opportunity and tell her how much you appreciate her. A bouquet of flowers would be a nice reflection of that, too. Originally Posted by Fancyinheels

Monica and Fancy,

Thanks. It is nice to get perspective from quality providers like the two of you and SC.

Just read Monica and SC are doing doubles? Wow! I am not sure my heart could handle that!

BDD

Monica and Fancy,

Thanks. It is nice to get perspective from quality providers like the two of you and SC.

Just read Monica and SC are doing doubles? Wow! I am not sure my heart could handle that!

BDD Originally Posted by BDD

LOL yes me and Monica are offering doubles. We are a bit much to handle but we can take it easy UPON request promise......

“I know this is short notice and such, but would you be interested in a nice lunch off the clock and a fun session on the clock at your place after lunch?

"Would you be interested" assumes nothing. It is not even an open-ended question.
Originally Posted by tbonetas

Damn! You busted me!

Thanks for the semantics lesson!

“I know this is short notice and such, but would you be interested in a nice lunch off the clock and a fun session on the clock at your place after lunch?

"Would you be interested" assumes nothing. It is not even an open-ended question.



Agree 100%; this is the correct answer. And something makes me think that even if she replied in the negative, Ms Howard would have done so with class.



While I agree she could have had any number or reasons to be upset on that given day, with that given request, unless she has a history with this hobbyist, which he failed to mention to us, such rudeness is just wrong.



Again, there is nothing presumptuous in his request. One NEVER knows unless one asks. He does not say, "meet me for lunch; I will pick up the tab, but it will be off the clock for you. Then we will have a session, on the clock, of course."

And where is the desperation?

We know ONLY what BDD shares. He has been chatting with a provider. He believes they are hitting it off nicely. He asks for a date...lunch off the clock with a session, on, to follow.

I have never made such a request. But if I did, I would expect a yes or no answer, not to be detonated for it. There are definitely requests that earn and demand such harsh responses....BBFS or any request the provider has made known is not part of her menu, any encroachment on a provider's privacy or, of course, not taking no for an answer....stalking behavior, and etc.

My advice to you...forget her...and ease on down the road. Originally Posted by tbonetas

It's all in the wording...esp. if that girl has never seen that client.

She sounds a bit high strung and she allowed you to dodge a bullet. Her response was uncalled for and childish...

You did nothing wrong at all. Sorry this happened to you.

...

We know ONLY what BDD shares. He has been chatting with a provider. He believes they are hitting it off nicely. He asks for a date...lunch off the clock with a session, on, to follow.

...

My advice to you...forget her...and ease on down the road. Originally Posted by tbonetas

So, given what I read in the replies posted today, this is the way I will handle this situation in the future.

1. Call, don't PM.
2. Set up the "on the clock" appointment for after lunch.
3. Tell her that I will be in the area having lunch and drinks and politely invite her to join me, expressing that "no" is an acceptable answer and that I will keep the appointment regardless.

As far as easing on down the road ... mentally already done.

BDD

It is evident that "Provider Lady" thinks of you as only a trick.

Never ask a provider for any "off the clock" time...if she offers on her own, fine, but never ask for it...point proved...

:facepalm:

sounds like something a certain "fine" provider would say

Did she ever use the word caveman or similar?