References - How long is too long?

A lot can happen in half a year to an individual, plus memories start to become foggy. Six months is a practical time limit factoring in personality fluctuation and brain recall function, no need to read anything more into it. If someone hasn't been active in that period, he can always send a note to the lady he last saw to freshen her memory and give her a heads up that a ref request may be coming her way.

Circumstances change and not always favorably, so it isn't unreasonable to expect a provider to re-screen a Hobbyist who has disappeared off the scene for years and has no recent refs.

Don't get caught up in the drama on here! Originally Posted by LexusLover

HA! That statement coming from you made me laugh so hard I cried a bit.

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Attachment 628259 Originally Posted by Brooke Wilde

I take that seriously coming from a whale.

I like to be told if the references are old because you don't hobby much.
It's understandable.

I love whales, such majestic creatures.

They probably wouldn't remember after 3 days . 3 yrs you're probably lost in a black hole . I would start fresh or try and revisit a provider .

I love whales, such majestic creatures. Originally Posted by Brooke Wilde

Spoken like a true whale.

I like to be told if the references are old because you don't hobby much.
It's understandable. Originally Posted by SweetDulce

This too

I have been seeing my ATF for five years. She moved out of the area to San Francisco. Anytime I travel to SF I always reach out to her. I haven't seen her in 9 months, but I always list her as a reference, and she enthusiastically will vouch for me.

I would suggest to check out the newbie friendly list to gain some recent references. Also, be ready and willing to supply additional real world info to get yourself vetted.

P411 is also another great option. Good luck to you, sir.

I'm not a fan of giving ok's on P411 as such I think I've only given maybe 9 total. If a member I've given an ok to has allowed his account to go inactive I usually write asking for my ok to be deleted. The answer is sometimes yes, sometimes no. My reasons are my own but mostly I don't like others knowing who I see or don't see. My business is mine.

That said, I gave an ok to one of my friends in 2012. His account had gone inactive but he renewed and requested a visit from another woman. He did not use me as a reference but she decided to write to me to ask if I even remembered him from all those years ago? If so, what do I remember, is he safe, or a joker or insane or just bad? To her surprise I responded with a, "Hell yes, I remember him and saw him as recently as December just before Christmas of 2016." I told her that "I have known him for 12 years and love him dearly."

She now has a new friend and so does he. That makes me happy.

I am a huge fan of please and thank you and being polite matters to me so if you approach me with a "hey" and fail to say please or thank you I won't give you a reference. In my world, good manners never go out of style.

Two things come to mind, the first is that we do not want to get hurt and secondly, we do not want to go to jail. References are not about the client as much as they are about the safety of others doing the same.

I'm not a fan of giving ok's on P411 as such I think I've only given maybe 9 total.[/B] Originally Posted by Eve Hennessey

Refusing to be a part of the okay system, pretty much negates the whole purpose of P411, for all parties involved.

Refusing to be a part of the okay system, pretty much negates the whole purpose of P411, for all parties involved. Originally Posted by Victoria of Houston

My business is mine... not anyone else's.

No where did I write that refuse to give references.

.... mostly I don't like others knowing who I see or don't see. My business is mine..... Originally Posted by Eve Hennessey

That's about as good a reason as any for not posting reviews, but another one is there are ladies who don't want to be reviewed and some won't even see a poster on Eccie, much less one who does reviews! For some unknown reason among hobbyists (and some post-hound provider newbies) the number of notches (reviews) on the hobbyist's belt is some measure of "credibility" and "knowledge"!

My business is mine... not anyone else's.

No where did I write that refuse to give references. Originally Posted by Eve Hennessey

Dear, I quoted exactly what you wrote, that you are not a fan of okays and have only given 9.

I think it is even actually a "rule" of sorts on there. If you fail to give okays as and when sessions take place, your account can be revoked on there. These are not my words, but Gina's.

The whole point of P411 is to have a system of checks and balances in place that helps everyone out. So, refusing to aid in that process pretty much makes it useless for yourself and for your clients.

I just don't understand why you (or anyone) would want to be on a site that you are uncomfortable fully being a part of.