Civilians UUUUGGGH ! - Why don’t they “get” it !

Do what you want, as long as you are happy.

This thread was actually pretty good read until below the joy, joy, joy last paragraph SMH LOL

Guys
• How much work does it take to hide your hobby activites? Minimal, I know who to keep my mouth shut around in the RW which is everyone
• Ever feel guilt ? Never, I'm a cold mfr
• Ever wish you could hobby more? Of coarse, who don't want more pussy
• Stressed because of the constant suspicion? Nope, keep your mouth shut and you'll have no issues

I was just having this conversation with someone over the weekend. (civvie, who has known for a while).

People I have boundaries with, know nothing. And if I have boundaries, well, they aren't my closest pals anyway.

People I want to be real with, know. I'm in a weird circle of folks these days, so they may not get to know right away, but pretty soon. As I told the person I was speaking with, I bat about 50/50. If I lose them, etc. well, it wasn't really going to work anyway. If I keep them, and we deal with it, they are some really great people to me. I like being able to be myself, nothing like it.

• Stressed because of the constant suspicion? Nope, keep your mouth shut and you'll have no issues Originally Posted by BLM69

That pretty much sums it up. Unless you do something entirely stupid.

Having said that

Two people can keep a secret if 2 conditions exist.

1. One person is dead.

2. Both people have the same risk and no other factors could ever relieve that risk for either party even perceptually.

Condition 2 is really impossible so that leaves only one way for two people to keep a secret.

Nope !

There are some very interesting and informative posts and I hope the lurkers are paying attention.

I do feel like I need to clarify a couple of things. I can tell by the responses and some of the PMs that part of my message was misunderstood.
I’m not lonely …. and I’m not seeking OTC Eccie friends per se. I already have some of those and have developed many friends in this manner (who... BTW started out as client regulars).

The dilemma lies in how to continue to “hide” my hobby activities from people I deal with in the civvy life.

I was at one time a really good liar …. (maybe still am) ...and very creative about it.
But over time … it tends to take over your personality and before you know it … your lying about shit that doesn’t even matter.

It is apparent by many posts here the best thing to do is keep your mouth shut …. or spend time OTC with those in the same arena.
THAT, however is what pisses me off (not that I don’t like spending time with my ECCIE friends) …. But it’s too bad I cannot hang out for extended periods of time with neighbors and parents in my life circle.
My family is always up in my face asking questions …. and I know they do this because they love me … but hell …. I cannot confide in any of them!
If they ask too many questions … about my “JOB” I’m afraid I will slip up.

I would love to just say …. Well yes, I make a damn good living providing companionship for respectable gentlemen.
Then they would reply …. Oh! Yes! That must be a very exciting career! (yeah right …. In my dreams).

* ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * **

Hardroad69 – wow … you must have an interesting life … not many in your position!

Dallaswill- yes, I have tried an “alternate” cover and I have more business cards than you can shake a stick at – Life Coach, Consultant, Event Planner … all that, it just doesn’t work when family and friends want details of how the “business” is going and asking specifics.
Sometimes they can see it in my eyes …. Or maybe the sweat that starts to bead up on my forehead (as I concoct a new scenario) …. and I get a very strange look coming back at me.

Pyramider – I do embrace my taint … and I do have peace …this is just a fork in the road and I have to determine whether to go left or right.
If I did post taint …. What … would you lick the screen and pretend?

TE214 – It is not that I cannot “get along” with anyone …. The problem is that I get along with EVERYONE. Try to wrap that around your head – your big head.
(Why am I even noticing your post)?

Vivienne Rey – you are a mystery woman no doubt. I was intrigued by your response and so I checked out your “profile” …. and I get that you have the luxury of keeping this world private.
You definitely have the right attitude for someone in your position.

…There are plenty of judgmental folks inside and outside the hobby, but somewhere there are folks you'll see eye to eye with, just keep looking. Originally Posted by Iaintliein

Your right. There are plenty of eclectic groups on Meetup.com – I’m sure they would not judge. I’m totally serious! I should seek out some new friends in those type gatherings.

… Exception being my spouse, who isn't thrilled about it, but she knows I need the outlet. Originally Posted by mtabsw

Lucky you? I hope she learns to get “thrilled” about it …. I see a bad storm in the distance.

I did lose a job I really loved ….. was living a whole new life then bam it was taken away.
Best part is I don't have to hide my life from certain people anymore I can just be who I am and screw em if they don't like it. Originally Posted by Jules Jaguar

Sorry you lost your job Jules – that sucks.
I wish it was easy for me to just say “screw em” …. But when talking about my family or people in my family circle … that is a bit tough.
You do have a great perspective though ... and that is encouraging!

People I want to be real with, know. I'm in a weird circle of folks these days, so they may not get to know right away, but pretty soon. As I told the person I was speaking with, I bat about 50/50. If I lose them, etc. well, it wasn't really going to work anyway. If I keep them, and we deal with it, they are some really great people to me. I like being able to be myself, nothing like it. Originally Posted by FireKitten

That is a very healthy view of your situation …. and you are lucky to have the ability to control it.

Two people can keep a secret if 2 conditions exist.

1. One person is dead.

2. Both people have the same risk and no other factors could ever relieve that risk for either party even perceptually.

Condition 2 is really impossible so that leaves only one way for two people to keep a secret. Originally Posted by grean

Are you suggesting I kill my family?

Yeah, exactly what's being suggest. RollEyes.gif

Ha! No. I'm just saying that if you wish to hang out with civilians you must understand you must have a fire wall. No one person outside of this can be trusted to keep that part of your life under wraps. We understand sex is just sex. Most people think it's the holiest of holy and can't wrap their heads around the fact that it is just fun but not a huge deal. Try not to hold it against them.

Think of it like spies. There are lots of people who must keep there professional life secret from their family. Doesn't mean the family doesn't love them or vise versa. However if you killed a village of people during your secret mission to kill some drug over lord, your mom may have trouble looking at you the same way.

I can see where you could have issues with family (can't really get rid of them... LOL) and friends, when they are asking about a job.

I used to see a lady that had a part time job. That seemed to work for her, even though she had more money that a part time job would really provide. If anyone asks how much do you make. The answer is none of there business.

I hobby some and keep it to myself. I am very discreet and hope that who I see is as well. So we both should be selective in how we see.

I will respond to your questions to Guys:

• How much work does it take to hide your hobby activites? It does not take a lot of time. It is more being very diligent in hiding the hobby phone and the emails.
• Ever feel guilt ? Sometimes. But there are reasons I do this, besides having some great fun with a few different ladies. If we ever meet, I will probably tell you what got me started.
• Ever wish you could hobby more? Yes
• Stressed because of the constant suspicion ? This is not an issue.

Keep you spirits up.

I hope things get better for you.

Come Out and Play, by The Offspring

You gotta keep 'em separated.

Check the lyrics. Instead of gangs, think RW and Hobby. Most RW peeps dont handle hobbyists very well over the long term. They disrespect hobbyists. And, many have attitudes that are particularly harsh toward providers. When the real world and hobby world get too close or intertwined, you can bet that sooner or later someone's life or livelihood is going to get messed up (wasted).

Rule #1 Never mix the Real World with the Hobby World.

Rule #2 Always have a real world job if you want to easily mingle with real world people.

Rule #3 Keep it simple.

...free advice?
...make up another job that's so disgusting and untasteful that they are hard pressed to want more information...
"I'm working at a live animal radiological testing facility - my job is to euthanize the baby rabbits that are screaming too loudly after 45-55 minutes... wanna see pictures?"
"Oooohhh, ahhh, no honey, maybe later... Nana isn't feeling to well right now..." (lol)

I got outted in November, the eccie page posted in a fb group with over 30,000 people in Dallas. Sent to the job my apartment complex the whole 9, best thing that happened to me!!! Didn't lose a single "friend"...

I did lose a job I really loved and worked hard as hell to get really had changed my life around and was living a whole new life then bam it was taken away. Guess it wasn't the right time for me.

Best part is I don't have to hide my life from certain people anymore I can just be who I am and screw em if they don't like it. Originally Posted by Jules Jaguar

I get that you're trying to see the upside, hun. But I doubt that was the best thing to ever happen to you. Nor did you lose that job because it wasn't the right time. Please don't minimize the malevolence in this person's actions by finding something to be grateful for. It doesn't help fine tune your radar. And, no, it isn't wise to just "be who I am" in this line of work. It will limit you, as evidenced by losing your job. Please, think about it.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I get that you're trying to see the upside, hun. But I doubt that was the best thing to ever happen to you. Nor did you lose that job because it wasn't the right time. Please don't minimize the malevolence in this person's actions by finding something to be grateful for. It doesn't help fine tune your radar. And, no, it isn't wise to just "be who I am" in this line of work. It will limit you, as evidenced by losing your job. Please, think about it.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Originally Posted by Vivienne Rey

I agree, And unfortunately this hobby/lifestyle will never be accepted in the RW, Providers do have it worst being looked down on by society, The JJ outing is unfortunate and feel bad for her or anybody that has to go though that.

Pyramider – I do embrace my taint … and I do have peace …this is just a fork in the road and I have to determine whether to go left or right.
If I did post taint …. What … would you lick the screen and pretend?




Are you suggesting I kill my family? Originally Posted by Torre Tames

There is always an upside to offing the family ... ijs.

Let your taint guide you. Your taint will know the right path for you. Hey, I am a certified taintologist, I would examine your taint. Please refer to the third statement in my signature. Oh, I do not have a scratch and sniff screen.

She is seeing a fork in the road up ahead.

beep beep.