"Things you don't want to hear from a provider ..."
Money?
You wanted American money?
I only brought beaver pelts!
What kind of deal can we work out in trade?
After working out in the cold for most of the day. A past GF helping me get to the shower said, "it will grow back right, I hope"
"I didn't have time from my last client to straighten out the bedsheets."
"He was just leaving."
"I like to be extra safe; you don't mind wearing two condoms, do you?"
"It would be faster, easier and get the same result if you just came on this washcloth."
"That was quick." or, the "Staples response:" "That was easy."
how about " glad you could make it.. i wanted you to meet your son...."