Interesting topic. For me, if things don't work out (for whatever reason) I just move on. If they really catch my interest, then I'll try again months or even years later to see what happens.
If they're interested- great. If not - that's ok, it's their choice. I just keep window shopping until I find 1 I like, then I repeat often til I get bored or find a new interest- then move on. I will say, I think p411 helps. I have a pretty good amount of recent okays so that probably helps. As Frankie says, you can see who views your profile, so you can tell which girls check and which ones don't. Seeing that they checked has a somewhat calming effect.
To be honest, over the years, I'll bet I've only been asked 4-5 times (directly) for references. I would guess (some) of these ladies are smart enough to do their own research similar to how we do ours, and a lot of the reference checks are done in the background
Then again, I would guess that some have access to all parts of this board (and others) and can find out a little bit more by ready ROS and other comments.
It's all part of the fun.