Cake and eat it too?

I've noticed an upswing in the feline population as well especially after all the flooding. It's out of control. Originally Posted by LexusLover

That went way over my head.

Hey OP,

I had the same experience with marriage that you did. After my divorce, however, I've remained completely uncommitted. I've contemplated what to do if I ever find someone I really like.

I recommend a book called Sex at Dawn. The authors make a case (based on research) that sexual monogamy is not a biological instinct, not the "natural state" for human societies, and not imperative for social order. I find their arguments compelling.

That book helped clarify my thoughts about future relationships, which might be of interest to you:

1. I can't do sexual monogamy. Sure, for a few months, but that's it. The thing is - I need not feel bad about that. It isn't wrong. I don't need therapy. I'm not weird, lifelong sexual monogamy is weird.
2. I was dishonest and deceitful when I was married. I simply can't do that anymore. I'm tired of lying to people I care about.
3. If I'm not wired to be monogamous, and I'm tired of being dishonest about it, I will have to tell every woman I date exactly that.
4. That's going to lose me a lot of women. The vast majority, even. Fine. I'd rather not have a special someone if I have to hide my true nature from her.
5. I believe I can have a special someone with whom I share a life and a bed, and we can both enjoy sex with someone else from time to time. Instead of being dishonest about it, let's do it with integrity and have fun.

I can't tell you what to do. Since you've been dishonest with your partner, either directly or by omission, it is quite likely you will lose her if you tell her everything. If you continue to conceal it from her, you risk damage to your opinion of yourself, or so I suspect from your post.

You have to decide what is most important for you. Good luck. Read the book. Originally Posted by NMEufdaST8

This is probably the best advice you will get on here! That's what I was trying to convey with my previous post but you did a much better job. Kudos.

Hey OP,

I had the same experience with marriage that you did. After my divorce, however, I've remained completely uncommitted. I've contemplated what to do if I ever find someone I really like.

I recommend a book called Sex at Dawn. The authors make a case (based on research) that sexual monogamy is not a biological instinct, not the "natural state" for human societies, and not imperative for social order. I find their arguments compelling.

That book helped clarify my thoughts about future relationships, which might be of interest to you:

1. I can't do sexual monogamy. Sure, for a few months, but that's it. The thing is - I need not feel bad about that. It isn't wrong. I don't need therapy. I'm not weird, lifelong sexual monogamy is weird.
2. I was dishonest and deceitful when I was married. I simply can't do that anymore. I'm tired of lying to people I care about.
3. If I'm not wired to be monogamous, and I'm tired of being dishonest about it, I will have to tell every woman I date exactly that.
4. That's going to lose me a lot of women. The vast majority, even. Fine. I'd rather not have a special someone if I have to hide my true nature from her.
5. I believe I can have a special someone with whom I share a life and a bed, and we can both enjoy sex with someone else from time to time. Instead of being dishonest about it, let's do it with integrity and have fun.

I can't tell you what to do. Since you've been dishonest with your partner, either directly or by omission, it is quite likely you will lose her if you tell her everything. If you continue to conceal it from her, you risk damage to your opinion of yourself, or so I suspect from your post.

You have to decide what is most important for you. Good luck. Read the book. Originally Posted by NMEufdaST8

Im getting this book and reading it this weekend. I love this hobby cause I am not monogamous at all. I love the variety, the free flow of dick and sex, and the excitment of sex with strangers. Ive been told I am not normal and its why Ive stayed single. I want to explore my sexuality and be taken to new heights. When im old I will marry. Till then, Im having fun. Fuck what ppl think.

This discussion and the various opinions on the matter are greatly appreciated, as it goes beyond the usual discussion of "who has the biggest boobs" etc.
I put it out there not necessarily for advice on what to do, but to see if there are other out there in the same situation.

I know myself and my needs, and I take no offense to any judgements about my desire for variety.

My comment about having "everything I could ever want at home" is more of an observation than anything. In other words, when I hear about the things friends and others my age complain about, and when I remember my own previous marriage, I realize that my current situation is pretty damn great!

Having been in several relationships through my life, some good and some bad, I know that my current relationship has all the right parts: She stimulates me physically, spiritually, emotionally, socially, and yes, sexually.

We have met and invited girls into our bed a few times for threesomes on a few fun nights, and I have discussed bringing in a provider that we can schedule and have a great time with, without the awkwardness that comes with friends/acquaintances (and their future boyfriends, etc.), but she is having trouble getting past the idea of being with a "prostitute", NOT in a judgmental way, but just her own thoughts.

She knows that I hobbied during my marriage, and she knows that I still have the ability to contact a provider for us if she ever agrees. We have never directly discussed the fact that I still hobby on occasion, but I feel like it is more of a "don't want to know about it" type of situation.

No immediate plans to quit the hobby, but at some point maybe.

Again, I truly appreciate the discussion and opinions, and I will definitely seek out the book that was mentioned Sex at Dawn.

That's deep. LOL. However, some guys are just serial cheaters, there's nothing wrong with them nor are they lacking anything at home. I have to disagree with you SC just because a guy is a serial cheater does not mean he isn't happy or fullfilled. Your judging this guy pretty hard, and this "case" is pretty normal and definitely not a minority. Originally Posted by Alyssa71

You missed the point of my argument. The OP stated that he is fulfilled sexually but wants more which means he's not content with "perfection" which is a disgusting sinful state to be in ;-). Now let's truly go deep. ;-) Consider if you will that the Greek word for “fulfilled” is ekpleroo, which means “to fill full or to fill up completely.” The OP stated that he lacks nothing in the bedroom which means he is in a greedy state (not unfulfilled) which to me is a character issue. Now had he stated that he was unfulfilled then it changes the dynamic even though he'd still be a cheater which is wrong but we do it anyway. Why is it wrong because you're putting your mate at risk while they're NOT doing the same to you...this is a moral conundrum that we as humans try to run and hide from because we are generally mongers and with the emergence of porn and technology we just don't give a fuck. Still doesn't make it right.

If the OP is being fulfilled in the bedroom and he's still chasing then his life outside of sex isn't fulfilled and he needs to find something meaningful to contribute to so that he can experience the glorious freedom of accomplishment , contentment, and ultimately fulfillment as a child of God.... Ahh how I miss the debate years. ;-)

PS: I hate sounding like an intelligent black man...it ruins my street cred. ;-)

Op- Your SO is probably getting some side piece herself. Originally Posted by USAsoldier

That is where my 1.3" of dangling death and knowledge of the taint comes to play. i enjoy fucking fucktards' wives. They give me gifts, too.

What you need is 'cosplay'
Have her dress up like a hooker and you pick her up in a bar and then go to a cheap hotel... and you pay her real money!

One of many variations

Or you visit a 'dominatrix' except it is her

i thought thread was about cake. aka ass.

and eating ass.

i'm not into that kinda shit but i'm still disappointed.

If they put icing on the ass you would be interested?

This discussion and the various opinions on the matter are greatly appreciated, as it goes beyond the usual discussion of "who has the biggest boobs" etc.
I put it out there not necessarily for advice on what to do, but to see if there are other out there in the same situation.

I know myself and my needs, and I take no offense to any judgements about my desire for variety.

My comment about having "everything I could ever want at home" is more of an observation than anything. In other words, when I hear about the things friends and others my age complain about, and when I remember my own previous marriage, I realize that my current situation is pretty damn great!

Having been in several relationships through my life, some good and some bad, I know that my current relationship has all the right parts: She stimulates me physically, spiritually, emotionally, socially, and yes, sexually.

We have met and invited girls into our bed a few times for threesomes on a few fun nights, and I have discussed bringing in a provider that we can schedule and have a great time with, without the awkwardness that comes with friends/acquaintances (and their future boyfriends, etc.), but she is having trouble getting past the idea of being with a "prostitute", NOT in a judgmental way, but just her own thoughts.

She knows that I hobbied during my marriage, and she knows that I still have the ability to contact a provider for us if she ever agrees. We have never directly discussed the fact that I still hobby on occasion, but I feel like it is more of a "don't want to know about it" type of situation.

No immediate plans to quit the hobby, but at some point maybe.

Again, I truly appreciate the discussion and opinions, and I will definitely seek out the book that was mentioned Sex at Dawn. Originally Posted by discreet_in_houston

Tell her she's not a "prostitute," she's a "provider;" and you're not a "john,"
you're a "hobbyist." Completely different...

Very happy at home, but still seeking the variety and adventure? Originally Posted by discreet_in_houston

She's Latina? Get everything in and out of her. Then after a while it'll get boring.

Doesn't sound like you're happy. That goes to the character issue SC speaks of. I have the same issue. Never satisfied. Don't settle.

. . . , and ultimately fulfillment as a child of God.... Ahh how I miss the debate years. ;-)

PS: I hate sounding like an intelligent black man...it ruins my street cred. ;-) Originally Posted by Sistine Chapel

Yup the OP is unhappy and looking for endorsement for his desires and thought. In closing keep hobbying it seems you are doing that anyways. Take care and find your happiness and satisfaction. Find some go to ladies to your taste and desires. Simple fix.

This might be the wrong place,
For you to inspect,
This question you're asking,
Will cost her respect.

Love needs time and attention,
Do not ever forget,
Just my opinion I mention,
Let not you regret. Originally Posted by Poetray

If that is your intention.

Based on what you have said, I think to a certain extent she knows you still hobby. Us men underestimate women. She doesn't feel comfortable with you bringing a provider to the bedroom because she knows that it will open Pandora's box (no pun intended) to your need to have your cake and eat it too.