touring nightmares

Don't use the hotel internet service to surf Eccie or any other boards, or post ads, et cetera. Carry your own source to the internet with you. You can get the ones that use the cell phone signal.
They can and will look at where you are surfing.

Oh yeah, either learn how to grab clean towels off the maid's cart in the hallways without being seen or:
(a) get some from the pool area or fitness area
(b) bring some of your own in case you run out
(c) learn how to make up excuses to keep asking the front desk for more linens without arousing suspicion

Don't leave an outcall and go to a restaurant to have dinner and sit at the bar with your dress on wrong side out.

Don't book your room by a train track so that every time you orgasm, a train whistle simultaneously goes off in the distance.

Don't poke your client in the eye right when your having an orgasm.

Don't flail around in the bed and whack your head on the nightstand right when your about to have an orgasm.

Don't ask me how I know any of these things. Originally Posted by Fallon Kelly

too funny, fallon!!

Nab towels and extra linen on the cart and stuff as much as you can in the dresser drawers for more than a few client and constant shower taking. The house keepers never really search the drawers much.

Don't ever let a client go number two at your incall..........

Don't leave the tv on with your favorite episode of cheaters playing.

Screen, screen, screen.. some try to take advantage of a touring lady.

Don't poke your client in the eye right when your having an orgasm.

Don't flail around in the bed and whack your head on the nightstand right when your about to have an orgasm. Originally Posted by Fallon Kelly

Does that mean I can poke him in his left eye and hit my head on the headboard instead? hehehehehe

Ask your housekeeper for extra sets of towels when she comes to service your room. I always tell them I'm having some friends or family over and we're getting in the pool or hot tub later. Be courteous to the staff, especially your housekeeper. They are the eyes and ears of any hotel. Tip if you feel you must.

I had a provider tell me a story about touring, that she and another provider all had rooms under the same name. So when the other provider didn't screen properly and advertised on BP she got busted by LE and they questioned everyone that was staying in the rooms under the same name!!! Hope this makes sense. Travel safe and be discreet. And don't share rooms with anyone under the same name. Just have your room with your name.

Ok let's see:

Was with a friend and we were supposed to be on our way to Orlando from Mphs. We had a certain date to be in Orlando & a certain date we needed to be in Biloxi, MS. So we decided to hit Birmingham over a weekend. Both of our phones blew up in B'ham with the "Naw, I don't want a date; just wanted to hang out." We left Monday am and..sure enough; real calls stream in for 2 days. left B'ham for Nashville & my friend almost got popped. **side note, the contract for the porn party in Orlando fell through so we never went**

This tour has probably been the most problematic for me. Two punks tried to steal my truck in Springfield, MO. I cut the engine before they got out of the parking lot, but the body damage was done. No dealer in Springfield, MO. The dealer in Kansas City had the window, but not the door handle and electrical components. Truck window fixed in KC - check.

Three days to get window replaced in KC. Due to warranty, dealership issues who knows what, LandRover will not ship the door handle from Omaha to KC, would have to ship from main parts warehouse (no dealer to dealer). I cant buy the part in Omaha and have it shipped to KC -0 would void the warranty work as the part would then not be considerred "genuine brand replacement".. I can get a rental car or dealer car while the truck is repaired: 7-10 days. In 7-10 days I dont plan on being in MO or NE. Tow fee from KC to Omaha - over 800. So drove broken window, broken door handle from Springfield to Kc, 3 days on window, drove broken door to Omaha -3 days on door (Omaha dealer service center is the bomb). In the meantime, cannot open drivers door from outside, but also cannot lock it. Insurance agent insists the truck has to go from dealer lot to dealer lot as technically, truck cannot be secured and if it's broken into again - insurance will not cover). Insurance provides rental in KC (lil Toyota that took me 2 days to realize cup holder was in the dash), Omaha dealer provides a Mini Cooper. lmao! You know how dogs scoot their butts across the floor? Well, thats what I felt like driving that mini - cute peppy, fun in heavy traffic but still....

Laptop dies in KC. Almost an hour on the phone with HP trying to get the agent to understand "Yes, the warranty has a TN address, but I am shipping from MO and picking up in KY." Discussed in deatil, explained multiple times: I am in kansas city, kansas city, kansas city, shipping from kansas city - agent comes back "Got you all fixed up, FEDEX is .8 miles away from you: something somewthing Bartlett TN". I dont own a globe or nothing but I was under the impression that nowhere in TN is .8 miles from anywhere in MO. What can you say? Its HP.

Decide to push KY and go north - call FEDEX - ship to ND not KY. Sender must change, not recipient. Call HP - they cannot call 800GOFEDEX and reroute. Call KY - please send to ND - $120 for a Sat delivery. But I got it.

Before I get to Bismarck, I am in Pierre, SD (regardless of the spelling it's pronounced Peer, not Pee-air). "Man, its so beautiful up here and I'm gonna cruise through Standing Rock, dont forget to pull camera out." Get to Standing Rock - no camera. Yeah, I pulled it out - just didnt bring it.
Get to Bismarck on Friday, get KY to ship laptop, call hotel in Pierre SD - can you mail camera to me in Bis? Get laptop Sat, get a phone call from the SD hotel Monday "I'm at the post office, whats the address in Bis? Will take 3 days." Three days!! Why didnt you mail Fri? In three days I will be in Fargo, not Bis. Look, just FEDEX it as a shiphold to Fargo. Two days (wed) phone call from SD hotel: "I'm at the FEDEX office, what address do I need to send it to in Fargo?" Shiphold, tell them shiphold to any fargo location (there were like two?) Four days later I call "Uh my camera?" Yes we sent it. Great. mind giving me the tracking number? receipt amount & number you charged to my card? Something??" yes, let me call you back. Thank God I am from Mphs and know a few folks at FEDEX World. 800GOFEDEX couldnt find my camera without a tracking number - but a director in FEDEX did! Odd how the front line offices start paying attention to packages flagged as priority by World HQ. Just sayin. Niiiice.

I have also left two phone chargers and one laptop charger somewhere along the way, had some big meanie at the SD/ND line steal my box (ok technically I was trespassing but dayum! I was damaging your hill? your grass? really?), figured out the truck handles the sdame at 10 mph and 110 mph, bought a lil "toodle car" to finish this tour with and paid to have the truck driven to TN from Minneapolis, MN.

Be interesting to see what surprises the next 3 states will hold.

Tell your dates to call when they're outside for the room number NOT inside where the hotel staff can hear it. If you see a lot of guys 5 guys asking for "room 319" is gonna be a little suspect.

1.) Use common sense when checking in and do NOT dress like a hooker! The soccer mom look is perfect!

2.) Do NOT flush condoms down the toilet >>>don't ask how I know Originally Posted by Naomi4u

Tell me my dear. How does a soccer Mom dress? Just in case I see a cute Nigerian girl dressed like a soccer Mom, then I'll know it's you, lol.

Tell me my dear. How does a soccer Mom dress? Just in case I see a cute Nigerian girl dressed like a soccer Mom, then I'll know it's you, lol. Originally Posted by acp5762

MOM JEANS!

MOM JEANS!
Originally Posted by Shayla

Helll no. Not those jeans.. ever! lmbo!

ACP, Jeans, tshirt, my hair pulled back in a baseball hat and sometimes sunglasses and no makeup.

Tell your dates to call when they're outside for the room number NOT inside where the hotel staff can hear it. If you see a lot of guys 5 guys asking for "room 319" is gonna be a little suspect. Originally Posted by Naomi4u

Why are dudes talking to the front desk? If i was a provider and I found out the dude was talking to the front desk. I would kick him in the ballbag for being so stupid.

Another thing if your a really hot chick the hotel security will follow you aound with the cameras. On a slow day they will watch your door open and close for every swinging dick that knocks on the door.

Helll no. Not those jeans.. ever! lmbo!

ACP, Jeans, tshirt, my hair pulled back in a baseball hat and sometimes sunglasses and no makeup. Originally Posted by Naomi4u

Ah, no makeup. Still flawless, I would suspect.

Ah, no makeup. Still flawless, I would suspect. Originally Posted by acp5762

Mmhmm

Simpleton, Yes! Agreed!
Heck during a tour in Boston, I opened my room door to set my tray outside (I had ordered room service earlier).
Next thing I know, I hear the door slam shut behind me. I was HALF NAKED at a 4 star hotel locked outside of
my room and had to walk to the end of the hallway to call security to let me back in. Ugh! The worst part? My date was making his way up the elevator.

Mmhmm

Simpleton, Yes! Agreed!
Heck during a tour in Boston, I opened my room door to set my tray outside (I had ordered room service earlier).
Next thing I know, I hear the door slam shut behind me. I was HALF NAKED at a 4 star hotel locked outside of
my room and had to walk to the end of the hallway to call security to let me back in. Ugh! The worst part? My date was making his way up the elevator. Originally Posted by Naomi4u

At least it was a nice view.