Omfg, these are awesome jokes! Keep 'em cumming...
Three pregnant women are sitting at the OB/GYN - a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette says, "I was on the bottom, so I'm having a boy." The redhead says, "I was on top, so I'm having a girl." The blonde bursts into tears, and the other two women ask her what's wrong. The blonde says, "I'm having PUPPIES!!"
- Claire She Blows
- 01-07-2017, 05:17 PM
- Kitty Bunny Fuck
- 01-07-2017, 08:44 PM
Omfg, these are awesome jokes! Keep 'em cumming...Omg!! That's twisted but funny as hell!
Three pregnant women are sitting at the OB/GYN - a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette says, "I was on the bottom, so I'm having a boy." The redhead says, "I was on top, so I'm having a girl." The blonde bursts into tears, and the other two women ask her what's wrong. The blonde says, "I'm having PUPPIES!!" Originally Posted by Claire She Blows
- Risn2TheOccasion
- 01-08-2017, 01:23 PM
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, “Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!” Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.” Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s mom asked, “Really small, was it?” Sally replied, “No, salty.” Mom fainted.
- Kitty Bunny Fuck
- 01-08-2017, 02:11 PM
Why did God give men penises?
So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
- Smokin Joe
- 01-08-2017, 06:31 PM
Did you hear about the John Wayne Bobbitt condom sale?
Half off!
Half off!
- Kitty Bunny Fuck
- 01-09-2017, 02:37 PM
A man and his wife are having sex.....
...They are going at it hot and heavy, and suddenly they hear a noise. It's their son, little Timmy, standing in the doorway. Shocked, Timmy runs back to his room.
The father goes, "I'll go talk to Timmy."
So he goes to Timmy's room and opens the door; there, he sees Timmy's giving it hot and heavy to grandma!
The father, disturbed, says, "O my god!"
Timmy goes, "Not so funny when it's your mother, is it?"
...They are going at it hot and heavy, and suddenly they hear a noise. It's their son, little Timmy, standing in the doorway. Shocked, Timmy runs back to his room.
The father goes, "I'll go talk to Timmy."
So he goes to Timmy's room and opens the door; there, he sees Timmy's giving it hot and heavy to grandma!
The father, disturbed, says, "O my god!"
Timmy goes, "Not so funny when it's your mother, is it?"
- easymoney78
- 01-09-2017, 02:57 PM
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
A: Call her and tell her.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Q. What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
A. You can eat your mom's apple pie.
And thats all the bad jokes i could think of
A: Call her and tell her.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Q. What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
A. You can eat your mom's apple pie.
And thats all the bad jokes i could think of
- lonelybeerguy
- 01-09-2017, 06:05 PM
A very sad day today. After seven years of training in the medical field and a lot of hard work, a dear friend of mine, was fired after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his clients and now he can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. This is a real shame. A genuinely nice guy and an absolutely brilliant mortician.
- Kiara Love
- 01-09-2017, 07:04 PM
A man goes to a bar and meets an escort...... after talking to her for a bit, he asks her, "Alright. Enough talk. How much is it gonna cost me for a handjob?"
"$50," She says.
"$50 for a handjob? You've got to be kidding me!" He replies.
"Come over here," She says. "See that car outside?" She points to the window. He looks out, and sees a brand new sports car.
"Wow, that looks pretty expensive." He says.
"I bought that purely off $50 handjobs." She replies.
The man thinks to himself, "Hell, they must be pretty good." So he gives her $50, and sure enough, best one he's ever had.
He goes back the next night and finds her again. After a few drinks he says, "Alright. That handjob last night was pretty good. How much for a blowjob?"
"$500." She says.
"$500? That's fucking ridiculous." The man replies.
"Come here. See that house on the hill?" she says. So the man comes over, and looks out the window. Outside on the hill, he sees an immaculate mansion. Easily more than 20 rooms.
"Wow, that looks extremely expensive." he says.
"I bought that off of $500 blowjobs." she says.
So following suit, the man gives her $500, and sure enough, it's the best blowjob of his entire life.
On the third night, he returns once more. "Alright," He says. "No more playing around. How much is it gonna cost for some pussy?"
She replies, "Hell, if I had a pussy I'd own this town!"
"$50," She says.
"$50 for a handjob? You've got to be kidding me!" He replies.
"Come over here," She says. "See that car outside?" She points to the window. He looks out, and sees a brand new sports car.
"Wow, that looks pretty expensive." He says.
"I bought that purely off $50 handjobs." She replies.
The man thinks to himself, "Hell, they must be pretty good." So he gives her $50, and sure enough, best one he's ever had.
He goes back the next night and finds her again. After a few drinks he says, "Alright. That handjob last night was pretty good. How much for a blowjob?"
"$500." She says.
"$500? That's fucking ridiculous." The man replies.
"Come here. See that house on the hill?" she says. So the man comes over, and looks out the window. Outside on the hill, he sees an immaculate mansion. Easily more than 20 rooms.
"Wow, that looks extremely expensive." he says.
"I bought that off of $500 blowjobs." she says.
So following suit, the man gives her $500, and sure enough, it's the best blowjob of his entire life.
On the third night, he returns once more. "Alright," He says. "No more playing around. How much is it gonna cost for some pussy?"
She replies, "Hell, if I had a pussy I'd own this town!"
- knotty man
- 01-09-2017, 07:28 PM
whats the difference between jam and jelly?
i cant jelly my dick up your ass.
i cant jelly my dick up your ass.
- Kiara Love
- 01-09-2017, 08:17 PM
If you can't be the sharpest tool in the shed, you can always be a hoe!
- Smpslt7
- 01-09-2017, 08:30 PM
The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands downtown when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby, "Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the passerby and the woman promptly went down the next alley, where they went out of view.
The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another streetcorner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman, much the same as the first, stated to another passerby, "Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where the abbot couldn't see what was going on. Still not knowing what a "blowjob" was, the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.
Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent. "Mother superior," he asked, "what's a blowjob?"
"Twenty bucks, same as downtown!"
The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another streetcorner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman, much the same as the first, stated to another passerby, "Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where the abbot couldn't see what was going on. Still not knowing what a "blowjob" was, the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.
Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent. "Mother superior," he asked, "what's a blowjob?"
"Twenty bucks, same as downtown!"
- Smpslt7
- 01-09-2017, 08:35 PM
Three nuns in line for confession.
The first nun tells the priest: bless me father for I have sinned. Yesterday I say a man's holy organ. The priest forgave her sin, instructing her to was her eyes with holy water.
The second nun tells the priest: bless me father for I have sinned. Yesterday I touched a man's holy organ. The priest forgave her sin, instructing her to wash her hands with holy water.
The scene changes to the restroom where the first two nuns are washing their eyes and hands. Suddenly the third nun bursts in and says: move over gals, I gotta gargle.
The first nun tells the priest: bless me father for I have sinned. Yesterday I say a man's holy organ. The priest forgave her sin, instructing her to was her eyes with holy water.
The second nun tells the priest: bless me father for I have sinned. Yesterday I touched a man's holy organ. The priest forgave her sin, instructing her to wash her hands with holy water.
The scene changes to the restroom where the first two nuns are washing their eyes and hands. Suddenly the third nun bursts in and says: move over gals, I gotta gargle.
- Austin Ellen
- 01-10-2017, 09:28 AM
I need these..
- finnman
- 01-11-2017, 05:44 PM
Mickey and Minnie are in court getting a divorce. Judge asks Mickey: "lemme get this right, you want a divorce because Minnie is crazy?"
mickeys response: "No, I said she was fucking goofy!"
mickeys response: "No, I said she was fucking goofy!"