OK - Sex with SO or Sex with Provider?

Nervousness, brand new encounter...if you saw the same Provider say, every other week for a year, you'll get to know her better, the two of you will open up more, trust each other (YMMV) more, etc. Originally Posted by Prolongus

I disagree. If that were true, you'd expect the first visit with a provider to be not much different than a one night stand with someone you just met. I found it was different.

Sex with a provider has all of these negatives: (Many already mentioned)

1. Condom
2. Guilt
3. Paranoid about LE, SO catching you, being next segment of 60 Minutes
4. Provider is unfamiliar with what you need or want
5. Rushing through the time (even if you spend less time with SO during sex, with provider, you know there is a limit to time with a provider.
6. Provider is just going through the motions to earn a payoff.
7. Harder to schedule with providers (that whole NC/NS thing)
8. With SO, you can roll over and go to sleep, with provider, you know you have to drive home.
9. And the big drumroll, while us guys and sex therapist like to think it is all the visuals with guys, there is a lot to be said for a connection. Something that is hard to do with a provider, especially if you have to try some strange each time and never do repeats.

I love it when men expose their brains....the insight is fun. Good thread!

I disagree. If that were true, you'd expect the first visit with a provider to be not much different than a one night stand with someone you just met. I found it was different. Originally Posted by npita

Uhhhh...not sure I understand...need clarification! You text her, email, maybe see her socially...a possible one stand with someone you just met MAY lead to BCD...with a Provider it definitely WILL lead to BCD.
Am I making sense?

SO won't do bbbjcimtc...many providers do!

I love it when men expose their brains....the insight is fun. Good thread! Originally Posted by alecia

I hope you are kidding. Insight?

As much as I hate to admit it, it really does come down to connection. I've been thinking about this and I know what it is... It's really a few things.

I really want my SO to enjoy herself when we have sex. I don't really care if the provider does. I know that sounds shitty - but I'm paying so I can get off, not her.

My SO really wants me to get off when we have sex - that's her ultimate goal. My satisfaction. When I'm with a provider, her ultimate goal isn't my sexual satisfaction. It's the money that I pay her for my satisfaction. If my enjoyment were her ultimate goal - it would be free.

I guess I just need to stop thinking of my hobbying as a way of meeting hot chicks and doing fun stuff with them. Because the truth is this: I haven't met any girls. I meet their alter egos.

I guess I need to start thinking about this on a less personal level... I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out.

I hate to sound sentimental sirliamcross, but it sounds like you are in love.

If everything is great except the frequency, spend your time and money romancing your SO like you did when you met. My guess is things will heat up more often.

Good luck.

I hate to sound sentimental sirliamcross, but it sounds like you are in love.

If everything is great except the frequency, spend your time and money romancing your SO like you did when you met. My guess is things will heat up more often.

Good luck. Originally Posted by OldGrump

BINGO!!!!!!!!!

When I'm with a provider, her ultimate goal isn't my sexual satisfaction. It's the money that I pay her for my satisfaction. If my enjoyment were her ultimate goal - it would be free.

I do beg to differ. As someone in sales, I want my customer satisfied with the service and product I supply. Any provider worth her salt wants her customer to enjoy themselves.

I agree with everything Lana and TNT said. Those are two smart women.

I think I remember a similar thread not too long ago, and the remedy I best remember from THAT thread was to "fantasize about your SO when you're with a provider"

I can't take credit for the suggestion but it still makes me smile.

I think I remember a similar thread not too long ago, and the remedy I best remember from THAT thread was to "fantasize about your SO when you're with a provider"

I can't take credit for the suggestion but it still makes me smile. Originally Posted by easily_amused

That is a prefect answer to this thread. So funny...

Someone else sent me a message that said "Your SO has it exactly right. it's the law of supply and demand. She keep the supply low so the demand will stay high". God - if she's that smart, I stand no chance. If she's got me that figured out - Hell, she can get me to do what ever she wants.

This thread is amazing. I have some of the same issues. If my SO would be a little more adventuresome and more available, life would be sweet.

I hobby to get some of the things I dont get at home, as I assume most do. However, I am never all that "comfortable". I keep looking for the one that makes me feel as comfortable as the SO and does all the cool stuff. I am different than sirliamscross, as I love to get providers off. It is part of the thrill for me.

But I have yet to find the one who makes me feel comfortable as the SO. I worry about my looks with some of the girls. I am older and not in as good a shape as I was in my 20's or 30's. I worry if I am appealing to them, etc. I know I shouldnt but I think that is part of what drives my anxiety and keeps me from being comfortable.

My SO has been with me a long time and knows what I look like before and now and is still there. We have both aged and that is Ok. However, I have some hangups when seeing a 20 something beauty. I tend to look for some older providers thinking that will be more my style but even then it is hard to get comfortable with them.

Guess I havent found the right one yet.

I agree with everything Lana and TNT said. Those are two smart women. Originally Posted by sanddog

Thanks sanddog....we try, we try. LOL