A little back ground... I started out submissive to women, only to quickly realize I belonged on top. I later trained under another Domme, but was mostly self taught. I starting practicing as a Domme and loved every minute! I was an elitist Domme who turned her nose up at the thought of switching and reveled in my new found power. *laughs at myself*hehe!! I seriously thought I was better than my subs. What a joke right?!I wish I knew you already. You'd be fun and interesting to talk to about this subject over coffee, scotch or whatever. There is so much to dissect in your post that I can't do it justice with a post. And because we don't know each other, I'd probably get it wrong anyway.
Until one day, I was sessioning and sweat was pouring from my body as I was physically tired from beating one of my slaves. I began to feel irritated that I was the one physically and emotionally drained from all the forethought, psychological planning, physically doling out pain and playing out this session while he was in a state of fucking zen!! I couldn't reach a dommegasm(that's what I call it) to save my life that day.
It was in that moment, I finally realized that what they said about the bottom really being on top was true! I was so pissed! Here I was, bewildered and crushed that my kinky little belief system had shattered. From then on, all I could think about was submitting. I hung my crop up, so to speak. I did not Domme for along time, but when I did finally session again, I completely let go. I had a couple of glasses of champagne, dominated the session/sub and to this guy's surprise ordered him to top me and it turned into a really insane switching session including full blown gfe which I always kept separate, because we all know real Domme's don't have sex*insert sarcasm here*
I have grown and matured so much in my thinking since I began my journey into kink. For that I will be forever grateful and humble. It is a part of my life that has helped me grow into a better person. Originally Posted by Scarlett Rossi
One thing I can say with confidence (even though I could still be wrong). I admire and respect your ability to divulge something so personal on here. Good for you.