For the ladies...how long will you give references for a client?

Ive seen you way more recent than that !!! I would give you a reference anytime you need hun. I know im not around much , but i will.

And to answer the reference question : I will also verify him if i can confirm our history, but will let them know how long its been. Originally Posted by Lola Lovin

You're such a sweetheart!

Not sure if you want to go to the trouble, but since your Showcases have info, would it seem appropriate for you ladies to put in your "verification length"? Like: "I will give you a reference up to 6 months from the last time I saw you". Or something to that effect.

Not everyone is on P411 (I'm not anymore) so it would seem to be useful info if you had it somewhere...seems like it would save us both a little time knowing...js.

I've had guys use me for a reference a year or more later.
I will be completely honest with the lady and tell her if I don't remember. If I do remember that I had no problems with him then I will tell her that but I will let her know that it's been quite a while so can't say if he's changed.

I've had guys use me for a reference a year or more later.
I will be completely honest with the lady and tell her if I don't remember. If I do remember that I had no problems with him then I will tell her that but I will let her know that it's been quite a while so can't say if he's changed. Originally Posted by TemptationTammie

That you will never know 100%, even if you have seen him a week ago just as a provider who has seen a guy as regular for years, then the last time he sees her he snaps, he is an ass, disrespects her, ect. You just never know about people these days, ABC---Always Be Cautious.

That you will never know, even if you have seen him a week ago just as a provider who has seen a guy as regular for years, then the last time he sees her, he is an ass, disrespects her, ect. You just never know about people these days, ABC---Always Be Cautious. Originally Posted by davidfree986

Yup ive experienced it first hand which changed my outlook on things.

My concern is that when I find a lady I really like, I tend to see only her because I have limited opportunities and like the comfort of a familiar face. So I may go many months with a single provider, making all my other references old.

Surely, you have recent references? I am curious as to WHY you guys do this? Originally Posted by Kendall4U

It seems that some ladies don't get it. If we HAD recent references, of course we'd use them. However for me, and I suspect for many hobbyists out there, no, we don't have recent references. Real life takes its toll on our ability to participate actively as often as we'd like. Its like starting over from scratch every time. I came back last year from a hiatus of about 5 years, even though I had been an active member here all through that time. Work, travel, family, and a few FWBs all added up to very little hobby time. When I re-started my most recent reference would have been about 7 years old, which severely limited my options. Even now, over that 21-month period I've only seen about 4-5 providers and so even those are starting to be "old" references.

I always write a polite PM to start, explaining my situation, how long I've been around, and who I've seen in the past. Some ladies at least remember some of those old names, some don't. So far I would say I've been about 50/50 on ladies who were willing to see me, but again there are many who I would have liked to have seen that I didn't bother trying to see because of their ads/showcases overtly emphasizing their policy with regards to references.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they shouldn't have their policy. Its their business and safety. But please try to understand WHY not all of us have recent references to provide even though we may have been around here for a long time (about 14 years on ASPD and ECCIE for me).

GAMMD

I don't feel comfy giving a ref that is more than 6 months old. Unless of course I've seen you dozens of times, than I would feel comfy up to a year old. Originally Posted by Kayleehotchick

I could see that. If a guy has seen a lady a bunch of times, say 12 like in this example (I could see that, you are a lovely lady and come across well) would they maybe merit a longer period. Maybe they continue to use you because you are well respected and they saw you so many times that you have a great perspective of what type of client they are.

If you haven't seen a lady in 6-8 months or longer, you have no reason to use her as a reference. Period. I will not give a reference that old and let the lady know. It seems shady to me that you'd try to use someone that you haven't seen in quite a while. Surely, you have recent references? I am curious as to WHY you guys do this? Originally Posted by Kendall4U

It could be that he doesn't hobby that much or they use you as a reference because you are prompt maybe and reliable and unfortunately not everyone is or not everyone is as trusted by the ladies for reference. It could also be shady to or maybe they have been away a long while and are just coming back.

I don't think it is a hard and fast rule.

I just had a girl I haven't seen in 18 months vouch for me, I let her know in advance (I always let girls know when I use them for reference, I think is common courtesy). Every girl is different. Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker

Hey great point Luke SkyWalker: I haven't done that myself previously but will do that in future. Nice gesture. I will make the effort to send a courtesy PM to the provider.

I'd throw out too, to the provider, or hobbyist to maybe suggest reading the Hobbyists posts. One can begin to get a feel about his level of respect for others. Not wether one agrees with someones point of view but how that point of view is represented.

If I have seen a gentleman several times with no issue.. I will refer him with no limit. I will, however, let the lady know that it has been a while since I have visited with him, in my reference.

If I have only seen a gentleman one time... I will refer for up to 6 months. I figure, by then he has for sure visited other ladies and can use them as references.

I don't feel comfy giving a ref that is more than 6 months old. Unless of course I've seen you dozens of times, than I would feel comfy up to a year old. Originally Posted by Kayleehotchick

I agree.

I came back last year from a hiatus of about 5 years, even though I had been an active member here all through that time. Work, travel, family, and a few FWBs all added up to very little hobby time. When I re-started my most recent reference would have been about 7 years old, which severely limited my options. Even now, over that 21-month period I've only seen about 4-5 providers and so even those are starting to be "old" references. Originally Posted by GoAheadMkMyDay

Trouble is, most providers are not lifers in this business, and so when you give 7 year old references, 6 retired long ago from the business and the one who is still active, she probably cannot remember the guys she saw BCD last year, much less 7 years ago. If you cannot hobby at least once every 2 months, then you are not going to have a very good selection of providers willing to see you when you do.

Trouble is, most providers are not lifers in this business, and so when you give 7 year old references, 6 retired long ago from the business and the one who is still active, she probably cannot remember the guys she saw BCD last year, much less 7 years ago. If you cannot hobby at least once every 2 months, then you are not going to have a very good selection of providers willing to see you when you do. Originally Posted by davidfree986

"... would have been ...". I didn't say I actually tried to use them as a reference. I knew all of them were retired except 1 (and she's still active). I did drop some of their names while explaining my situation, trying to build up the sympathy.

But you also just made my point. Guys don't ask for references from older meetings because we want to, but because we don't have much of a choice.

I tell the references being ask for
well he was fine when I saw him but I have not seen him in a few months or yeas
so I can't tell you much more about how he would be Now !!
or something to the fact ..

"... would have been ...". I didn't say I actually tried to use them as a reference. I knew all of them were retired except 1 (and she's still active). I did drop some of their names while explaining my situation, trying to build up the sympathy.

But you also just made my point. Guys don't ask for references from older meetings because we want to, but because we don't have much of a choice. Originally Posted by GoAheadMkMyDay

Put it this way, let's say a provider has had a few reviews then went on a hiatus for a few years. She comes back to provide again, but her reviews are years old. What is the first thing that pops in your mind about her? You could try to PM the hobbyist who saw her last, if he is still around, and see if he remembers her and the session maybe 30+ providers ago, and even if he does, she may have changed drastically since, not only her appearance, but also her style, BCD activities and her approach while BCD.

The same thing can be said of a hobbyist who does the same thing. If you do what I said to do, see a couple of providers at least once every 2 months, then you will not have your choices reduced to only newbie friendly providers. Just because you are a frequent poster on the board does not mean anything as far as how you conduct yourself in person and BCD.

If that was used as a criteria basis for seeing someone, then the opposite must be true as well since given their Eccie board persona, I could think of a few providers you would not see as well many hobbyists who would not be able to see a provider at all, unless he separates his Eccie handle with his P411 handle, probably also changing from his persona from the board, and does not review so that the provider would not be able to tie the two handles together.