Writing non-fiction requires tons of research.
So is the corollary to "I fucked a cheap bastard" "I fucked a bastard cheap"? If you don't fuck a bastard cheap, how can he be a cheap bastard? Is it like income tax brackets where you just have to keep your total fucks under a certain budget to qualify? Or is it the average of every fuck that determines cheap bastardy? Are some fucks weighted differently? Is paying full price for a premium fuck less cheap than paying full price for sloppy seconds? Can a GPS be offset with a BP TOFFT? Do you have to declare gifts and tips? Can you deduct tiaras?
You've heard of stripper math; now introducing hobby calculus!