Consideration for the betrayed wife

IF she was truly available how would he have the time and energy to become addicted to porn. You do not know if she was there. Saying it and being it are two different things. IF he did become addicted to porn wouldn't going after the porn industry be a more accurate target?







IF your friend actually did her part in the relationship, I said IF, then she should ditch the dumbass. I do not thinck you read my PSA in the linck. Seeing an escort and having an affair are two different things. Seeing an escort is fantasy and usually no emotional connection. An affair is an ongoing RELATIONSHIP. One is physical, the affair is physical and emotional. Your argument loses its steam when you go off the tracks.

A man makes a decision, there are actions/reactions/consequences to those decisions. The providers do not really care why a man is contacting them. They actually have cards in the game of the man's relationship. Thincking the providers should do anything beyond what they already do is a mistake on your part.

Remember it takes two people to create and maintain a relationship. Sex and intimacy are a part of the relationship. Once that is gone the rest starts to crumble much like a road that falls into disrepair. You may thinck you were there sexually for him, but were you? Really? If you were really doing your part, which I tend to doubt, dump him. The only damage done is by the man and his wife because neither of them really considered the consequences of their actions. Mirrors are tough to really look at... Originally Posted by pyramider

The husband losing his job is how he had the time and energy. The wife was absolutely available to him sexually, but he stopped pursuing her because he wanted the "high" of the fantasy. I have spoken with him on several occasions, and he says if the providers had not been so readily available, he would not have done it. And my friend DID leave him, but he is the one who has begged for reconciliation. She has agreed to work it out.
Look, we all have to live in this world, all are responsible for the next generation and the life we are leaving them after we are gone. Do providers not care what they are doing to families?
I guess the answer is no, so I am wasting my breath. They are living the high life, getting money and flattery. I think that one day they will find that all they have are their two empty hands and a bitter aftertaste. I hope they will see that the cost of selling themselves was too high for us all.
But I am done. No use throwing my pearls to pigs. Go on and break up more homes. I hope you find joy in that, because no one else does.

Well, I guess that must be true in order to allow providers to sleep at night, but it is very sad. Maybe some of them are so jaded that they no longer care. I get it. But it would be nice to know that some humanity was lurking in there somewhere. If people don't care about what they do to each other, what kind of world are we creating for ourselves? I'm sorry, but what the providers do DOES matter. If they want to do it, that is their business, but I just wish they would confine it to singles. Married people should not be with providers. If they are unsatisfied in their marriages, they should work on them or leave. Providers should not let themselves be a crutch that allows brokenness and poison to seep into families and homes. I know they don't care, but I think they will come to regret it one day. If they could look into my friend's tear-filled eyes, I know they would... Originally Posted by Loonygirl

How many "providers" do you know? How many have you met?

The answer might surprise you. You've probably met some. You just didn't know, because they look like everybody else. They talk like everybody else. They have the same concerns. They're keeping a roof over their heads, and food on the table for, in many cases, children. (Yes, "providers" have children, too.)

They are also business owners. Of course, it's a small business. One woman has all the jobs. She's CEO, marketing director, security, buyer, bookkeeper, and janitorial staff. And, yes, she's in charge of entertaining the clients.

You talk of "risky sex with a prostitute," as if you know all about it. Well, I dare say there is some risky behavior going on. I can speak only of my own experience, which is admittedly limited. (And yes, I am married, to one of those women who, for all her good points, makes it clear that the whole bedroom business is really "icky" and that she's all done with it.) When I make an appointment with a working lady, I have in effect rented a wife for a couple of hours -- one who is willing to pretend that sex is a good thing, and that I might be an acceptable person with whom to share it. "Risky?" As far as I can tell, the "risk" is limited to the possibility that the donut-molesters might take some law-enforcement notice, or that I might like the lady so much that I become foolish and forget that she's really not my girl friend -- in which case, she'll remind me as emphatically as necessary that she doesn't really want me, she's just making her living. As someone said above, escorts undoubtedly preserve many times more marriages than are ended by men paying for their services, because -- unlike their "civilian" sisters -- they really don't want to take us away (big prize! ha!) from our wives. They're just making a living. It's an honest living, much more so than countless executives, cops, politicians, middle managers, and other fakers. And, by the way, they don't make nearly the money that you think. $225 to $300 per hour may sound like a lot, but I suspect most ladies are doing very well if they can book more than an hour a day, on average.

To sum up, allow me to suggest gently and with all due respect that you're talking about people that you don't know very much about. That's an exercise that usually leaves one sounding foolish.

A lot of times its cheaper to keep her. Women when they feel hurt lash out. It is seen in divorces every day. Not settling for 50% of the assets, they feel the need to go after more and more and more. Originally Posted by pyramider

And that is very wrong. Cheaper?

Do providers not care what they are doing to families?
I guess the answer is no, so I am wasting my breath. Originally Posted by Loonygirl

Did Loonygirl join this site to gain insight, or to preach?

Did Loonygirl join this site to gain insight, or to preach? Originally Posted by chicagoboy

If I were to guess, I'd guess that Loonygirl IS, in fact, the "betrayed friend." Gaining insight isn't part of her plan, because she already knows everything anyway.

In a way, she's similar to many of the uglier men who post here. She addresses herself to the sex workers, but doesn't see them as actual people. Instead, they are objects to be used. In her case, she wishes to use them as strawman opponents, against whom she can stroke her imaginary moral superiority until reaching climax. Which she's probably already done.

I'll preach a little here, though. The root of most interpersonal sin is treating others as if they're something other than people. You know -- your fellow creatures. Other passengers on the short train ride through this life, all likewise bound for the grave. It's that improper treatment that opens the way for every other form of abuse.

Ok here's my take on this.. first off I have never had a provider ask if I was married and I wouldn't tell her if she did, it's not part of the transaction. That's what this is a transaction.. When I walk into a bar and order a drink the bartender doesn't ask if i'm an alcoholic or have a tendency to drive drunk, both of these can lead to terrible results. When I got to the fast food joint no one asks if I have high cholesterol or a heart condition and even when they see I am overweight they never ask if I would rather order a salad. Should they? I'm sure they would be out of business in a short time. I know this isn't a "normal" retail business but it is a service based one. If the ladies started asking about marital status and being selective about it she would be working in the fast food joint shortly. As far as your friend goes ..that's too bad but really doesn't have anything to do with the providers. If he was spending all his time and money and ignoring his wife while going to comic con events and dressing like superman would that be better? Sure there is way more emotion attached to sex and fidelity but still it's about the same thing... BD

For my part, when the wedding occurred, there were two folks exchanging vows. Those two have their promises to keep and it isn't up to the other 9 billion folks on Earth.

Better a hook than your/her best friend.

As far as the 'pearls for pigs' comment, you brought this here and deserve what you get from doing so.

The husband losing his job is how he had the time and energy. The wife was absolutely available to him sexually, but he stopped pursuing her because he wanted the "high" of the fantasy. I have spoken with him on several occasions, and he says if the providers had not been so readily available, he would not have done it. And my friend DID leave him, but he is the one who has begged for reconciliation. She has agreed to work it out.
Look, we all have to live in this world, all are responsible for the next generation and the life we are leaving them after we are gone. Do providers not care what they are doing to families?
I guess the answer is no, so I am wasting my breath. They are living the high life, getting money and flattery. I think that one day they will find that all they have are their two empty hands and a bitter aftertaste. I hope they will see that the cost of selling themselves was too high for us all.
But I am done. No use throwing my pearls to pigs. Go on and break up more homes. I hope you find joy in that, because no one else does. Originally Posted by Loonygirl

The ladies I have met in the hobby are some of the best people I have ever met in my life. The ladies show more care and empathy than one can find in most real world situations. The providers do not owe anyone any explanations. They have their own families and lives.


Your friend did right by leaving, or kicking out, her dumbass husband. Now she is taking him back? She is creating more drama and problems for herself by letting him back in. Once a cheater always a cheater. A relationship needs trust, will she be able to trust him? I will answer, NO. Any time he comes home late, or does something out of the ordinary she will greet him with raised eyebrows.

Blaming the providers for her husband's wandering is like blaming a child for picking crappy parents. The blame needs to be directed where it appropriate, at the people in the relationship. Some guys will stray no matter what a woman does, at which point she needs to ditch the turd. Men do not change, my guess would be he played around while they were dating, too. Cheaters cheat.

Point blank.

The Provider made no vows. The Provider owes you, or her, or him.... nothing.

You've probably met us at the grocery store, at the soccer game, at PTA. We aren't 3 headed creatures, easily identifiable in public. We all have lives, just like "real" people.

A man having sex with a provider is no different than a man having an affair with a random woman. Either way, the man is the one breaking vows-- not the 3rd party.

jesus Christ


unreal, everyone has their hand in it.
but ultimately the guy is to blame he roamed and if he roams he knows the wrath and chance hes taking hes risking it all

his fault
not the hooker

you mustn't judge. Originally Posted by Loonygirl

You should take your own advice.

We don't judge. Most of the time, we don't know if our clients are married or not. Nor do we care. It is none of our business. We were hired to perform a service. It is our job. We will do it to the best of our ability regardless of his personal life.

Do you go to casinos and chastise them for letting people gamble their lives away? They do it all day, every day, with no remorse. This ruins lives.

Do you go to liquor stores and chastise them for selling liquor to alcoholics? The guy behind the counter didn't know or care if that guy that just bought the bottle of Jack was an alcoholic. He was hired to sell alcohol, and that's what he does.

Do you go to McDonald's and chastise them for selling unhealthy food to children and fat people? This ruins lives and KILLS people. But they're still selling their crappy burgers.

It is just a shame that paid sex is so easily accessible Originally Posted by Loonygirl

Oh is it? You're only thinking about married men now. You want paid sex to be more difficult for everyone, do you? Well what about the guy that had his legs blown off in the war and now women won't give him the time of day. He doesn't deserve a sex life? What about the guy who has been with his wife 40 years, she's now very sick, has been for a very long time, and is incapable of sex. He loves his wife and would never leave her to go through this alone, but he is still a healthy man who wants a sex life. He doesn't deserve to find someone to help him relieve his needs so he doesn't have to resent his wife for the life of celibacy he now has to lead in order to be faithful to her? Maybe that resentment causes him to leave her. What about the unhappily married couple who are only staying together for their kids and have no interest in each other? I should turn that guy away and deny him a sex life just because he loves his kids enough to stay together until they are older? You're looking at this from a very narrow and selfish viewpoint.

Just because you and your friend consider sex to be something so sacred and personal that doing it with someone else is worth busting their marriage up, doesn't mean we all feel that way about it. Sex is fun. And it makes me a lot of money. I didn't choose to bust up their marriage. I have no interest in her man outside of the time for which he paid. If SHE chose to end the marriage because of a dalliance with a provider who was NO THREAT to her marriage, that's on her. He was never going to leave her for a provider. It was just sex.

And yes, I sleep very well. Because I have no right or inclination to judge his life. I simply do the job I was hired to do. And I like it.

Did Loonygirl join this site to gain insight, or to preach? Originally Posted by chicagoboy

If I were to guess, I'd guess that Loonygirl IS, in fact, the "betrayed friend." Gaining insight isn't part of her plan, because she already knows everything anyway.
Originally Posted by James1588

You should take your own advice.

... Because I have no right or inclination to judge his life. I simply do the job I was hired to do. And I like it. Originally Posted by CarolineDavenport

Bingo, bingo and bingo.....good night everybody....drive carefully.

All such fine comments.

You sound fairly articulate. But honestly, you don't belong here. I appreciate what you're trying to figure out and what type of emotional dilemma you're in.

You're questioning the values of a friend (or yourself), of her spouse, and in return it causes you to question your own values, I'm sure.

But the ideology of values isn't what is being discussed, I know that. Not really.

And that's an interesting moniker that you chose to represent yourself, Looneygirl.

Does this mean that you appreciate older cartoons and are a fan of Bugs Bunny? Chuck Jones? Are are you an articulate and crazy person? If so, we might could find a place for you among us.

After all, you don't have to pedal ass to be a part of the group, but it helps.

However, a little bit of acceptance goes a long way. And some kindness.

I hope that you find the answers that you're seeking. But I doubt it. You're wanting some of the members here to answer you in the fashion in which you wished to be answered. And this group is a bit advanced for that.

And they're also being incredibly kind, for the most part.

I feel that the answers you're looking for, you'll find after some reflection and it'll come from within. But asking questions is good, too. I also like reading!

On a side note, I watched a show on Hulu last night that, supposedly, reported on the issues of pimps and "this". It was highly inaccurate. Almost comical. After about 20 minutes of watching this tripe, I had to turn it off.

Very few avenues out there will show you the real story behind the demimonde. I guess that you've taken an interesting step to learn more. But if you're searching for others to agree with you, you've come to the wrong place.

I'm not the problem. Men have roving eyes. And I'm oversimplying, too. How can this question of a man's sexuality be answered in a forum such as this one? It's too broad of a concept and it's unanswerable, really.

I have a suggestion for you and I dare you to do it.

There is a book that you would probably find very interesting that explains how we got from there, sexually, to where we find ourselves today.

Here is the website for it:
http://www.sexatdawn.com

And here is where you can read some reviews:
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray.../dp/B007679QTG

I think that understanding your own primal sexual self will go a long way into understanding the sexuality of others. THAT is where I would start looking for answers. From within.

Take care and really, good luck.

It's very difficult journey to change preconceived notions of what many consider to be the absolute lowest of the underbelly of society.

Best,
Elisabeth

P.S. I have a question for you. Is this topic going in the direction that you thought it might? Were you expecting most of the responses to be more grunt like (as in growling and less articulate) and more befitting what your notions of the collective "us" should be? I'm always curious as to the perceptions of others. You obviously don't hold any of us in high esteem. Or any, really. Not that it's a requirement. shrug

Agreed watchout


I could tell the hurt wife
and her husband/client how to
keep things exciting and 100 at
home but why would i cut my
own throat?
I'm an escort not a marriage
counselor.
The hurt wife has a problem
w/her husband not anyone on
this board.

Providers do not break up marriages
the two parties married are in
control of that Originally Posted by Seeking ~P

+1000...


...marriage is the union of two adults and is none of my business at all.

My apologies for offending all of you on this site. I had hoped to find...well, hope, but that did not happen. I will remove myself from your board and let you all continue with your lives. I just wanted you to see that what you are doing hurts people. But you would need a heart to care. Best wishes. I will not be on again.