Friendships and the hobby

Thank you gentlemen for all of the very sweet things you said... . I don't have a lot of time this morning to respond to everyone, but I will later this afternoon.

I did just want to clarify one thing. When I talk about friendship, I don't mean to imply that I expect ongoing communication, in fact, I rarely have time for that in my RL, much less the hobby.

I guess when you go from knowing that you can send a text or email just to say hello or that you receive the same....to absolutely nothing...it really is a slap of reality.

In the beginning I'd get the warm fuzzies when a chick said she thought of me as a friend or said she had real feelings for me. Now I cringe and the defenses go up when I hear those terms. Because it's usually a prelude to a story of woo and then a request for financial assistance.

For every 1 real friend there have been 5-6 unethical ones who take advantage of my good natured bleeding heart.
Ladies who feign injury to themselves, family or friends (sometimes even pets!) just to get money can harden and cover a soft heart with callus.

Call it cynical, defensive, arrogance, insensitivity, guilt or just being an ass. Sometimes it's better to just leave while the gettin' is good.

If your are having sex with someone and have to pay for it they are not your friend. They can be the nicest person if the world and you can get along great when together but they are not your friend. Friends don't charge one another to see each other, in bed or out. JMO.

Gentlemen, when you walk away from a lady friend...like not seeing her anymore...cutting off all communication with her, is it hard on you?

What are some of the reasons that you walk away?
Originally Posted by Reese Foster

Oh Ms. Foster...if you only weren't so alluring, sexy, and addicting you wouldn't have to deal with this so much.

Yes...it is harder to do in the short term than not. But for some people, cold turkey is the best way to break an addiction. Although it may seem a little cold, I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe the guy is or is getting addicted and is just looking out for number 1.

If your are having sex with someone and have to pay for it they are not your friend. They can be the nicest person if the world and you can get along great when together but they are not your friend. Friends don't charge one another to see each other, in bed or out. JMO. Originally Posted by Iluvwomen

Very well said.

Guys, if you truly believe any of these women are your friends STOP seeing her for at least two months, but continue to text and call her every other day "just to chat" and see how she will react. If she brings up money, you're still a customer.

If you REALLY wanna know how she feels about you , ask her out to dinner or a movie or a weekend trip as "friends" and she how she will react. If she brings up money, you're still a customer.

A lot of these ladies are good at playing the game. They play on the hobbyist delusion. I've seen it happen and it usually never ends well. If I don't care for a guy, I'm not going to pretend to be his friend. I keep it strictly business. For those that I do care about - Well they know how I am.

Me? I have 3 male friends in the hobby. They know they can call me anytime and I will answer, ask me for anything and I will deliver, ask me to go to dinner, the moon or wherever with them - and I'm there. There is ONE out of the 3 that I've never had a session with and I would like to keep it that way. As we all know, sex can change everything.

So do that little exercise and find out if she's really your "friend", 8 out of 10 times you will find that you're still a customer to her and she's playing the role to extract more money from your bank account. I mean can you blame her? This IS a business right .

xoxo,
Naomi

If your are having sex with someone and have to pay for it they are not your friend. They can be the nicest person if the world and you can get along great when together but they are not your friend. Friends don't charge one another to see each other, in bed or out. JMO.

Just curious, but do you not have any clients or business relationships in your RL that have turned into OTC friendships? I have people that I've done business with for years, others that I'm a client of that mentored me as a senior co-worker when I first got into the business that I'm in.....some of known my entire career....and I consider them to be personal friends in addition to the business relationship. We will go out to happy hour, dinner, whatever OTC, and may never discuss busines....in fact may discuss very personal details of our lives. But the next morning when the business relationship starts, the different hats are worn and everyone is professional.

So do that little exercise and find out if she's really your "friend", 8 out of 10 times you will find that you're still a customer to her and she's playing the role to extract more money from your bank account. I mean can you blame her? This IS a business right

Can I blame her? It depends on how she's trying to extract more money and under what circumstances. If she's doing it by providing a really great service BCD, then more power to her. If she's trying to accomplish extracting more money by telling you that she loves you or wants to spend time with you OTC or other loads of bullshit promises that she doesn't plan to keep or believe herself, then that's deceptive...and wrong. Shame on the customer for believing it, shame on her for taking advantage of the relationship.

Bottom line is that I admire Reese for trying to stay "friendly" with certain clients she clicks with. More power to her.

Do the exercise. I'm not saying if you ask her for sex and she says "donation please?" - She's not your friend. You can't expect her to have sex with you for free. It's not fair. AT the end of the day - that is her job. Are you going to support her? No. I said call her at least 4 time a week, text her at least 4 times a day and see the response you get.

...........then there are some men that don't understand it was a service and we were paid for it. Then they start trying to force a friendship. *sigh* It never ends well.

I have so many acquaintances, but very few providers that I call friends. Reesy darling, I like to think we are good friends as well...but, like you Reese, my RL dominates my time, but I do try to send the occasional "check up" or "update" texts to them as much as I can...

One thing I want to add is that although with most of my true "friends" I have been with BCD, there are several that I have met, for which I never have never been BCD with. Now, its to the point where its too weird to try BCD with them...LOL! The great thing is that despite the lack of BCD, we are the best of friends and stay in constant communication even tho they are not even in the hobby anymore....one has gotten married, moved and now has kids...

This is a special place with some pretty special people...I'm just lucky to have met them and call them my friends...

Very good question. While I have not been in the hobby very long, I have met a few ladies that I would enjoy just spending time with like getting together for coffee or just talking to. However, I am not sure how to how to handle it as I realize that time is money and understand the circumstances that we met under. I surely do not want someone to think I am a out of place but would like to be friends and be there if needed. This does not mean I have no sexual desire for them but understand everything has a time and place. If someone knows how to start and handle this, please advise.

I said call her at least 4 time a week, text her at least 4 times a day and see the response you get.

...........then there are some men that don't understand it was a service and we were paid for it. Then they start trying to force a friendship. *sigh* It never ends well.

There are providers now and in the past that I've called/texted on a daily basis.....4 times a day? I don't text my closest friends 4 times a day.

There are also providers who I've had dinner or coffee with OTC....no expectation of sex as part of the OTC time.

Expecting sex for free is ridiculous and it's not fair. Likewise, a provider expecting cash for nothing isn't fair either.

As far as forcing a friendship, that doesn't happen in RL just like it doesn't happen in business relationships. Sometimes, however, in business, personalities just click and you like keeping in touch or hanging out with that person OTC. Are business services ever expected for free? Not in my business.

Listen, I realize that the ladies have to be incredibly sensitive to stalkers or to guys that want something for nothing.....and the guys have to be equally sensitive for being fed a crock of shit by the ladies and being hit up for cash without the benefit of services provided. I'm just saying that sometimes both sides can sift through the bullshit and find a friend.

I texted maybe once a week, we talked maybe once a week, we e-mailed maybe once a week. I soon found out if I didnt schedule once a week, then we werent friends. Maybe im jaded, but I learned a valuble lesson. She led me to believe we were friends. I was wrong.

Ranchhand ^ My point exactly.

As far as forcing a friendship, that doesn't happen in RL just like it doesn't happen in business relationships. Originally Posted by 7th is Heaven

Did you mean it's not supposed to happen or it doesn't happen? It happens trust me. It happens to the majority of the ladies on this board. Very lonely guy gets a bj or whatever else, falls in love and then starts to get clingy/needy/starts asking for access to your RL facebook account. Yes it happens. I've had it happen to me several times. This one guy supposedly convinced himself he was in love with me after two days in Florida together. I cut things off quick. A month later he came back and asked me to join him at the Master's Tournament in Augusta GA and I said no. He was willing to pay me a pretty sweet amount of money for 5 days. No amount of money could make me see him again. By that point, I was disgusted with the whole relationship. Oh and he also asked if I would "lose" the condom with him since we were now "together" ...uh ???? Mind you he was married with kids. He would say things like "Am I your boyfriend now?" No wtf? Annoying!

This guy was willing to move me to the beach and buy me a new car. I could not even USE him .. I'm not that type of person. A lot of my provider friends told me to go along with it but I couldn't. I would never do that to someone.

Hey just giving you an example. A lot of guys here will not admit it but they start living in their own world forgetting how they met us. Have a great day!

This is a great thread. I am new to this and mentally trying to get a handle on this. I don't think I am capable of treating a provider as a hole to masturbate in. I can't physically perform in that environment. That means I need some kind of connection or friendship with the provider but I know I will be diappointed if all it is is the provider leading me on to extract more money. I know this is how the provider makes their living and I respect that.

I am not sure what to even say from this point but I would appreciate more feedback from providers. All I know is that if all I can expect is the provider counting the money and thinking thank god its over and he's gone as I leave this is not for me.

Naomi.....meaning that forcing a friendship isn't a friendship.

I will give you credit for being honest with the guy. There are providers out there that would have been whispering "I love you" to the guy in his ear while treating him as their personal ATM machine.

Reese - I don't know why friends of yours drift away. I still consider myself a friend so it is a puzzle to me.

I too get comfort from the giving and receiving of little thought gifts- a text, an email a call. More, the trust and openness of a friend I know I can turn to and not be judged.

My advice would be keep doing what you do. There are many reasons friends drift away, and even more who weren't your friend from the gitgo.

I got your back.