There is little risk for a lady to say "OldSarge is a perfect gentleman in every way and a great lover" ....
However, there is little benefit for a particular lady who says "Hobbyist XYZ is a bad person because he does ABC..."
So, I think it fair to note if a lady will not give referrals in general.... and that is a reflection on her choice.
I think it fair to note if you ladies cannot get a referral on a particular hobbyist..... and that is a reflection on HIS character........(REALLY? You thought the 3 $1 bills in the envelope were $100's? REALLY?)
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OldSarge, for some reason I could not quote reply to your message but I just wanted to address what you said here.
I do not ask a provider to "kiss and tell". All I ask her to do is let me know if the client followed her protocol (we all have our own preferred way of how we like appointments to be made and how the client should behave in person), and if she would see him again. I don't ask for details. If I have the provider's email, I request the ref that way, and I follow up with a text or phone call (just in case email delivers my message to spam). I let her know she can touch base with me at her convenience, and call me if she needs some additional info, because how many clients have we seen named John, Bill or Mike?
If she had an issue with a client and chooses to inform me (and I let her know that info will be kept confidential), then I can decide if it was a YMMV thing, or manipulative on his part, and I might still be able to see him, as long as I do my part to draw my boundaries in advance.
There was a client in SF who behaved well with some providers, and badly with others. He was able to get a good ref from some of us while pulling his BS with others, for a short time. When I found out thru the grapevine what was happening, I did tell anyone asking me for a ref what I'd heard about his Jekyll and Hyde M.O. His particular misconduct had to do with slightly shorting some people on their fee, but as he never did it with me I didn't give him a bad ref, but I am one of those gals who gets the fee upfront and checks it, so....
That said, I really don't see any valid reason for a provider to not respond to a reference check. What really bugs me is the *supposedly* mature Tantra provider who claims all this woo-woo "goddess energy" garbage on her website, and then cock-blocks her colleagues. Whatever, babe. Desperation is the world's worst cologne :P