Should I stay married or get divorced

I don't know your situation at all but if she's taking care of the baby 24/7, changing all the shitty diapers, cleaning the house, cooking, washing the dishes, doing laundry., etc. she probably doesn't find you sexually appealing right about now either. One other thing. The longer you stay married the more you will appreciate the friendship....but, I digress.....

I'm with dh on this one. How hot is she?

I think you answered our and your own question with this:

Do you love her? Don't ever tell her you have been cheating.
- Yes, but I'm finding out more and more I don't love her as a partner, but more so as a good friend.

It's horrible that you recently had a baby girl but in the end I believe it's best for all parties involved that you're not miserable, your wife isn't being kept in the dark about your hobby, and your baby doesn't grow up noticing her parents don't really want to be together. In regards to the family drama... that is secondary and you should care a little less. Wish you the best of luck man.

Do you have kids? If so, this complicates things tremendously.
- We do have a beautiful 7 month old little girl

What would you do if she were cheating on you?
- Honestly I'd be relieved. LOL! Easy to divorce then.

Do you love her? Don't ever tell her you have been cheating.
- Yes, but I'm finding out more and more I don't love her as a partner, but more so as a good friend.

Some things to think about.

The complication in all of this is that my family and her family are very anti-divorce, and the drama alone would create a head-ache for everyone. Originally Posted by inmypants44

I agree with boardman's comments.

Remember, we're all strangers here, other than some things for you to take into consideration, you really need to talk to close family or friends about this. A decision of this magnitude cannot be made on a hobby board.

Been there and done that. I understand where you are coming from. Having said that, after the divorce and you continue in the hobby, you will find that there
are a lot of lonely nights and weekends. The hobby is only for an hour or two
at a time.

Living with your best friend or even a good friend and having someone to share history and have company is really valuable. I suggest you try to communicate with her and work at getting her more sexually compatable. Keep the hobby on the side if
the excitement and strange is to your liking. As we all know, most of the providers here are the perfect interlude for a hour here and there with no strings attached.

I suggest you reflect about establishing a seperate household and bills and child
support. How much disposable income would you have for providers at that time.

Sorry, I've started out to reply to this thread several times and keep deleting the reply because this just pisses me off.
I think it's partially whats wrong with the world now days.
Too many people want out because marriage isn't the Pollyanna world that it aughta be.
And no, I'm no goody two shoes, been divorced 2 times myself.
But I don't have kids, that would be a game changer for me.
Too many kids growing up with out fathers in their home now-a-days.

Did you not know you were sexually incompatible when you married her?
I'm sure you did before you knocked her up.
Now, you're ready to bail on a woman that you love "as a friend" who is going to raise your child alone because you're not getting freaky sex?

I find myself thinking, "Be a man, stay home, raise your daughter. Talk to your wife, see a counsoler, try to get things right before bailing."
And maybe reading this board has really geo-flirted my thought process, cause I'm also thinking "pay for freaky sex on the side if you can't get your WIFE to come around!"

Back before divorces were so easy to get, don't you think people still had the same feelings and desires?
I'm convinced that my ol' grandpa was probably hitting "Edna's House Of Ill-repute" several times a year.
But he still stayed home and raised my dad, because that's what you're SUPPOSE to do when you have kids.

yeah, I know, I'll probably catch a lot of shit for this one.

Hey...why don't you just sit around and think about what you want and what makes you happy. Who cares what happens to your wife and daughter...right.

And Jack is correct .... living in this hobby all the time is certainly not going to fullfill you life.

Think about who gets hurt.... your daughter....if you can't grow up..then at least grow smart

You asked for advice so here it is.
You have to be unselfish because of your daughter.
You have to try and make you marriage work.
If you find your sex life,with your wife, lacking then you have to "Man up" and talk to her about it.
just my $2.50 (that's .02 adjusted for inflation)

just my $2.50 (that's .02 adjusted for inflation) Originally Posted by Gator42

According to this: http://inflationdata.com/inflation/i...calculator.asp

$2.50 today would have been $0.11 in 1913. For it to have been $0.02, it would have been pre 1913 by a ways. I knew you and TexasGator were old, but damn...

I couldn't advise you on this. But if I were to, listen to jack flash.

I don't want to over simplify things here because only you know all the dynamics of the relationship. But...I've been divorced. Under even the best of circumstances it is a horrible experience for all involved. I read that you have a 7 month old daughter. Regardless of what some folks say, divorce hurts kids and you will not get to enjoy her growing up as you will if you stay married.

I can't pretend to tell you what you should do here. I will simply throw out some suggestions: (1.) Don't confess to hobbying. She will never get over it. True forgiveness exists only in Heaven (IMHO). (2.) If you can stop hobbying...do it immediately (I fully realize that this is much easier said than done). (3.) If your wife is stil available to you sexually, find a way to make it satisfying to both of you. She may have a wild side you don't even know about. Apparently she is unaware of yours so you may be unaware of hers. If she has one, find a way to tap into it.

According to this: http://inflationdata.com/inflation/i...calculator.asp

$2.50 today would have been $0.11 in 1913. For it to have been $0.02, it would have been pre 1913 by a ways. I knew you and TexasGator were old, but damn... Originally Posted by Wakeuр

Whaa.......Speak up there, ya whipper snapper!

Someone once told me, " you marry your best friend " . Marriage is a partner-ship. Hasty decisions driven by emotion usually turn out to be tragedies.

Yes, but I'm finding out more and more I don't love her as a partner, but more so as a good friend. Originally Posted by inmypants44

What is wrong with fucking a good friend?

Hey all,

Serious post here...

I've been married for a little over 2 years now, and I am considering divorcing my wife because of the hobby. My wife is a great friend, but sexually it's just not there. I'm very wild, and have crazy fantasies, and she is just content with a simple basic sex life. I took a hiatus from the hobby due to my desire to be faithful, but 2 months ago I took the plunge back in, and have not stopped thinking about that session since. I often find myself wishing I were single, so I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt of cheating on my wife.

Anyone ever experience a similar situation??? Originally Posted by inmypants44

Way too many updates for me to read through them all. But from my last long term relationship, I had a similar issue. She never knew about my hobby, but I used it as an outlet, since her sex drive couldn't keep up with mine.

After looking at some of my friends that have been married for years... It turns out cheating is actually pretty common. Many times husbands and wives turn a blind eye to let their hubby get their jollys out. Talk to her about it, and explain that you can't live like that, and need an outlet.

Now I wouldn't admit to having partaken in the hobby... But I would see how she felt about it. I say that because, you never know... she might see someone she wants to fuck... and could get over the idea of you doing the same.

Your sex drive will slow down as you get older, and hers will speed up around mid 30s(ladies correct me if im wrong). So at some point you guys might meet in the middle. But by no means feel limited to the social construction that society tells you is proper for marriage.

If you divorce her, then you have to worry about alimony and child support. After getting through with the judge, you may not have enough funds to enjoy your hobby. As the great singer Johnnie Taylor said...It's Cheaper to Keep Her.

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/j..._keep_her.html