To Hobbyists with an SO...(or Providers with one)

Honesty is the best!! Maybe not for our business LOL...I'm married and we talked about being swingers the 2nd week of our relationship....its not the cheating that hurts...its the lies. I also think that just because you cheat or get caught cheating...things can still workout. Sometimes women need a wakeup call...I hate to say that but its true...men are not the only ones who fall asleep behind the wheel of a relationship.

Most interesting topic I must say!!!

I have lived distinct and different lives during my time on this earth. So I want to share my feelings on this, but please understand that I am not trying to be sanctimonious nor casting judgement. My thoughts are just me.

Was married for 25 years---and happily too. My lovely wife became sick and passed away---leaving me in a place I never intended to be nor would have chosen. With that said, I personally would have had enormous guilt if I hobbied while married. I never strayed during that time---not out of some attitude of eliteness, just wasn't my thing. Relationships are prescious--but so hard to maintain.

When you committ to someone it is not just the sex and the thrill it is surviving the bullshit life throws at you. I always believed and still do that you do not cheaat on your wife and you do not cheat on your frineds. However, with that said, if two people are honest and open then it is strictly up to that specific couple. It truly is the lying that destroys.

The point I want to emphasize is that none of us can predict outcomes in life. My wife was vibrant and still beautiful when when she passed. I never could imagine the void and pain I would endure without her. So I guess I am saying please do not fritter outstanding relationships away ---just for the proverbial cheap pop. I am also saying do not just think in terms of the relationship expiring and the culmination being divorce. If you think of how prescious a true loving relationship is, then grab it and hold it and savor it--because you never know when it will be taken away.

With all that said, after experiencing the crazy world of deception and deceit known as dating, I thank God for the hobby. I have gone on record previously saying that I think providers are some of the coolest, smartest, sharpest, and beautiful people I know. Since I hobby as a now single person, I can tell you that collectively I rank the ladies near the top of the food chain. Although it is contradictory, there oddly is an element of honesty and freshness in what they do that is disarming and pleasing among the ladies I see. I have met some of the most sincere, warmest , and generous women I know through the hobby.

It is not all black and white.

So to sum up just be honest with yourself and do what you need to do. Enjoy your SO as much as you can but if you do hobby enjoy that too. And be appreciative of the mature and caring providers out there. They need not be an object of guilt but rather, of human pleasure and enjoyment. And although a paradox, they are some of the most honest and beautiful of folks in that they embrace what they do and make so many of us so happy.

I loved your summary Jericho.

Actually I loved your entire post!!!
(except the monogamy part) LOL

Personally, I kick myself every day for having remained chaste during my nearly sexless 9 year marriage. She had no intention of working on herself or her "severe depression". It's 6 years since my divorce, and she still doesn't date. If I knew then what I know now? I might actually still be married. Damn..that's a scary thought.

NEVER! No guilt at all. Guilt is a wasted emotion.

If you are going to feel badly or guilty over something then DON'T DO IT.

LT

I choose bodyrubs to slake the guilt. I get the attention and the intimacy I crave and rationalize that my dick has never been in the body of another woman.

I do have one suggestion for providers to help those of us with guilt issues. Please don't ask about the SO or discuss our home sex lives (unless I broach the subject). Even if I DO bring it up, please help me move past that subject and focus on you.

All that said, I LOVED BJ's thread on "that other site" about the SO finding her number in his pocket.

I do feel a certain amount of guilt about my visits. I also understand that I am the one who has made the decision to do this and there are underlying reasons within my relationship with my SO that have led me to this. This "hobby" has given me some solace which has helped me to cope with my home life. It's not a perfect situation but I have learned in life that nothing is. We do the best we can and I am grateful to those that I have met who have helped me through troubled waters.

Well, I may be the "odd man out" on this one, but here's my slant for what it's worth. Although I'm single, and have never been married (Ugh, I'm no prize!) if a dating relationship progresses to "committed status" then I'll put the hobby shoes away for a while. It's just my way of investing in the relationship at hand. For the last couple of years, that hasn't been an issue.

Interestingly enough, I still get a twinge of guilt every once in a while. Why? I guess that in some cases I feel that the lady I've been with clearly wouldn't have chosen this path for her life, yet saw no alternatives. In those instances, it's almost as if I've taken advantage of her life situation. Odd, I know. But we're all wired differently.

TP

First of all...Tony, perhaps there are some ladies that "saw no alternatives to this path in life" and that is pretty sad but many, many made an informed choice. Being a professional, I like the flexibility of being a massage therapist and REALLY enjoy being able to be naughty once in awhile.

Okay, on the original topic (which IS a good topic!), I felt a little guilty when I first started out as most probably do. I had one particular client who used to spend almost the entire session talking about issues with his wife. He confided things in me "because I was a nurse" and we talked about so many things. Over the years, I have NEVER brought up a gentlemens family life but find that many of the gentlemen do!

The way I see it, I have a married man on my table. He is going to get a lovely, relaxing massage with some TLC that he may or may not be getting elsewhere. I don't feel guilty and I hope that my clients don't feel guilty because they are receiving a service and by coming here, they aren't out chasing women in bars, getting themselves in dangerous situations nor are they exposing themselves to lots of risks.

I have enjoyed reading the replies here and one thing that is kinda cool is that it feels like "we" are all like some odd sort of family here. We all have very similar feelings, thoughts, etc. It's really nice to be able to come here and share.

I am sure each person has a different perspective based on personality, upbringing, circumstances, etc. I am no judge of why anyone does what they do.

As for personal guilt over the hobby, I have none and never did. Yes, there was nervousness of doing the "unknown" when I first started. My SO was not interested in intimacy of a physical nature after a few years. There were other reasons to stay in the relationship but I was never built to be celibate or else I would have been a priest. When I did not get intimacy at home, eventually I went out and found it or illusions of it. That entailed bars, girlfriends, endless flirtations, etc. My SO is not dumb enough to know I do not go else where. It is just not discussed. I found the hobby great as I found what I needed but as they say ....could walk out the door. And, back in for the ATFs.

Little old lady in Best Little Whorehouse in Texas says with a smile on her face, " Yes, my dear deceased husband used to go to the Ranch" (hesitates) then says, "and it was such a relief for me."

A good provider does things for her hobbyist that he would never get at home. Fulfilling fantasies and taking care of needs is what the hobby is all about. Cheers to the ladies.

Thank you Bestman! I REALLY enjoy making my clients feel very good...it gives me GREAT satisfaction!

If she was treating me at home as well as I treat her, This hobby would have been gone long ago. Originally Posted by Big Jake

Amen brother! Turnabout is fair play! It is like dropping quarters into a bottomless well when you give, give, and give some more and do not get anything (sexual or otherwise) in return.

The short and sweet of it is that if the female SO has control of whether she wants to have sex then the guy has the same right to seek that gratification elsewhere. The thing that really pisses the female partner off the most is that the guy did it behind her back and she didn't know about it, not so much that he used his penis on another gal....
Guilt is for pansies. I have needs then I'm gonna fill 'em before I kill over!

Great topic. At times I struggle tremendously with guilt, but at other times I have no remorse whatsoever. I suspect it has to do with how well I'm rationalizing on any particular day. The fact of the matter is that my SO and I have different views on sexuality--her's bordering on Puritanical and mine not so much. I have five wonderful reasons to stay married and have no intention of hurting my SO, so the only rational answer for me is to occassionally hobby. Sure, I could give up the hobby and go quasi-celibate, but on the off chance that you only go around once I'm going the route of fewer regrets.