Hi .. important question .... but afraid to ask..... :/

I find this is best done with a lady, or gent you have had multiple sessions with and there is trust. I have done this as a Dom and a sub to a dommie but with providers I have seen for a long time regularly, it's great. To do this with a stranger is risky, trust is so important.

IB

Hi,

I write as a guy into the BDSM world both as a dom and a sub; but even more as a vet of the board. Trust what Eliz. Whisp. wrote. I've played with her, as well as having been on the board for years.

I do think you can get some sense of the guys on the board based on their posts, but it's limited unless they've posted a LOT.

Otherwise, err on the side of caution.

Thank you Kami405. Interesting idea... mmmmm,,mmmm,,....

Try playing in one of the dungeon clubs publicly first. No sex but you can get a feel for how they respond. If you feel safe after that, then maybe a more private play time would be appropriate.

Trust and safety is priority number one in kink play of ANY kind

Naughty
I'm a switch... 56yo... Been playing well before PCs came into existence. I think you can be selective... Research the guy who wants to play with you... read his posts, his reviews (if allowed) and check refs....
Also some switches want to play just spanking games... Not even bind you in any way... Well maybe a blindfold.
In any event in depth communication during the date setup is very important... do they mention high levels of trust? Safe words? Respecting limits?
Every date and guy are different. Just by picking up the phone while he is in the room and calling trusted friend and him hearing you have someone expecting a call or text when time expires, will alert him you are being watched and cared for...
Just my 2 cents... and how I operate.
Stay safe...

Oh the Kami405/MaryAnn experience. wow.

If you don't wanna do the p411 thing, than perhaps you may want to create a fetlife profile and first meet with only others with a fetlife profile. How much of a hassle is it to create a safer encounter for yourself? Originally Posted by jonboy52

I am on Fetlife and do GFE & prosub sessions. Fetlife is really not an an effective site for finding clients. If you are out about being a sex worker on FL you will get 20 hate messages for every 1 message of genuine interest.

I have only been on eccie for a few weeks but thus far the men whom I've met with have been absolute gentlemen and have respected my boundaries. There are whack jobs and psychos out there but over the last year I have met with a lot of men for compensated BDSM play and I have never had an issue.

The safest and most realistic route is to play in a dungeon. This option will only be available in certain areas and you will have to pay a fee to use the space. Sex is typically not allowed but most BDSM/fetishes are open.

It's definitely all about trust, and that can't be established immediately, it takes time. Do not do anything that makes you feel unsafe in any way before you are completely comfortable with the other person.

Also read, read, read. Dont get in a hurry. An excellent book "Screw the roses, send me the thorns " by Miller & devon, it is well written and light hearted but with excellent saftey ideas such as how to have a silent alarm, as well as many reference points, another would be different loving by Gloria Braum, or books by Jay Wiseman. Your Dom should also be asking about your health history, and if ANYONE suggests breathplay, walk away, they DONT know what they are doing, IT IS NOT SAFE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE BY ANYONE!!!!!I have decades of experience in bdsm as well as working in the ERD (emergency room)
Be well, play safe , and vanilla lifestyle sucks (wink!)

[QUOTE=Naughty Jill;1057015953....My question is .. Is there any way at all to do the Sub role safely in the hobby ???[/QUOTE]

Meeting any client carries risks. Being submissive probably carries a few more risks, but not unmanageable ones. For the most part you are already at risk with a male you don't know of simply because of biology - the average man is larger and stronger than the average woman. So getting into the BDSM side of things isn't a huge step up risk wise. And it can be managed the same as any other appointment.

Since you are reluctant to do P411 (and even that isn't a guarantee), there are some things you can borrow from the lifestyle world to help make your encounters more safe.

#1 - Listen to your common sense. If the encounter feels "wrong", don't do it. If the person seems too focused on causing pain or rendering you totally helpless as quickly as possible, don't do it. Much like the lifestyle this person needs to earn your trust, even if they are paying for your time.

#2 - Most people probably won't feel comfortable knowing someone else is there - assuming they are clients that is. So you could try and have them there quietly, just in case, but that's not necessarily the best of things either. In the lifestyle people use a safecall when meeting someone new for the first (or third or whatever) time. The best way to make this work is to make your safecall with the person there, so they know you are doing it. And tell them you are doing it too. Then be very upfront on when you are supposed to make the 2nd call to let your safecall person know you are ok. If a person knows you have that and sees you doing it they know they are far less likely to get away with anything. Except the psycho's, but remember rule #1.

#3 - Don't do any kind of stringent bondage or use any sort of risky bondage gear until you feel very comfortable with the skill level of the person who wants to put you into bondage. It's very easy to tie a knot in the wrong place and cause nerve damage. Don't be shy about asking them where they learned their skills, how long they have been practicing, and who they have tied up before. You can make it all sexy and whatnot during your get-to-know-them period, but make sure you find that out. Also look at the equipment they have brought, that will usually tell you if they know their stuff or they don't.

#4 - If you want to get into this as a regular thing invest in your own gear that will only be used on you. That way you know what you are getting and what to expect. You can also use the types of ropes that don't burn/rub your skin badly, cuffs that are comfortable even when snug, and any other equipment that will only have your body fluids on it.

#5 - Finally, if you go down this path then you need to educate yourself on the equipment, positions and safety. As a bottom you are still going to be responsible for some of your own safety. This means you may need to do stretching prior to your client arriving so you can safely hold positions for a while. You need to educate yourself on what parts of the body can be safely tied/strapped/hit, as well as what parts of YOUR body specifically that can be used, and which that cannot. That way you can tell your tops what your limitations are and know if they are heading down the wrong path instantly.

You can never play totally safe (except by not playing at all). But you can do a few things that will greatly increase your safety as well as your enjoyment.

Thank you Krunkman- excellent !!! All of it !!!! ~~~

I think the best way to have a switch session or sub session starts with research, then back and forth communication, maybe a public license meeting first time for drink or dinner first. Building G trust is complicated. Research, communication, trust building will (might) lead to great chemistry and fun session all around. ;}