How Long Is Too Long?

Here's where it will get interesting, hobbiest tries to schedule with Provider A, gives Provider B as a reference. A contacts B for screening, B says it's been too long, so I need a fee to confirm. Does A pay B? Does A tell hobbiest to pay B for a reference? Since that in effect increases A's donation rate, is A now priced out and hobbiest goes to Provider C? And who is A pissed off at now, B or hobbiest?

I hobby enough that I always have a few within 6 months that will give reference, but sit back and watch that drama unfold if references start coming with fees. Originally Posted by hogmanjones

A provider would not pay another provider for a reference… Naturally the client seeking the reference would be the one to pay.

And like Nicole sad, this is not just for any reference. I gladly provide my clients with references all the time, for free. It would only apply to references that are very old, well beyond the industry-standard 6 months - 1 year since you’ve seen that provider.

I’m sure it’s hard to understand a provider’s perspective sometimes. But I can tell you that literally half of my hobby communications on any given day are requests for very old references. It’s frustrating, and a bit inappropriate.

With a reference fee required for very old references, one of two things will happen – the client will either pay the fee to compensate me for my time or he will quit providing me as an outdated reference in the future. Win-win, either way.

Here's how that could play out: hobbiest contacts A for appt, gives B as reference. A contacts B. Then B contacts hobbiest and says "it's been too long, a reference will cost you 50." If the hobbiest has a budget, and A's donation takes the full budget, then he would have to tell A to either lower her rate, or he'll have to schedule with someone at a different rate. Sucks for A.

Additionally, B is not saying she can't confirm, she's saying she won't without a fee. That could cause bad blood between A and B. If the hobbiest does agree to the referral fee, he now has to figure out a way to meet B to give the fee, before confirming the appt with A. Better be scheduling well in advance.

Again, this is not a scenario I will find myself in, so I'm not dumping on the idea for personal gain. Just food for thought. But I've seen a lot of drama occur when a provider thinks another provider is a little slow with the reference, I think holding out for a fee will create similar issues.

paying a ref fee doesn't really help with any of the uncertainty issues of vouching for somebody after a longer period of time.

somebody gone wacko could pay a fee to grease the wheels. doesn't make him less wacko.

Anywhere from 6 months to a year for me. I have no issue giving references if I have the contact information saved or some sort of contact trail (email, PMs, review, texts, etc). If it's older than a year, I'll give the reference but I'll also let the lady know that he hasn't seen me in X amount of time. It's up to her if she wants to continue with the date or not.

Personally, I disagree with charging for a reference for many reasons.

1. it's hard to enforce
2. it's greedy as fuck
3. if I wanted to break knees over a finders fee, I'd join the mafia
4. it's greedy as hell

I make enough money fucking to where I don't have to nickel and dime clients to pay the mortgage. I try to keep my business as stress-free as possible and it's easy to say, "It's been longer than [insert time limit here], so I cannot provide the reference" or "I'm sorry, but I have no idea who you are and I don't have your contact information on my current device."

I don't have the desire to play tax man and force clients to pay me for a reference

What's the point of a reference? I would think it would be to give somebody a degree of safety because somebody has seen this dude within a reasonable amount of time (we can argue what that is... 1yr seems like an easy mark) and he didn't didn't appear to be an ax murderer. To compromise on that for a 'fee' seems like a complete idiotic idea to me... so you compromise somebody's safety for a 'fee'??? It's pretty simple.... "I saw him, but it was x months ago.. no problems at that time."

I always treat the ladies I see with respect. If somebody asks you about me, and I haven't seen you for six months... why not just say that? "He was a teddy bear, but I haven't seen him in six months"?

Is that hard?

If I haven't seen you in 3 years, and you get contacted, tell 'em whatever you want... I was an idiot to use you as a reference. But don't expect a fee for that.

Some of the ladies here only care about themselves. It's them vs the others. Honestly, it's high school BS. The popular kids are always worried some new girl will take their seat as a prom queen.

And like you said, jethro (btw, love the name), it's not that hard.

"Yes I've seen him, it was a while ago and he wasn't a murderer then but YMMV."

paying a ref fee doesn't really help with any of the uncertainty issues of vouching for somebody after a longer period of time.

somebody gone wacko could pay a fee to grease the wheels. doesn't make him less wacko. Originally Posted by notequiteatroll

NQAT, I just gave you a reference that was 5 years old a couple of weeks ago. The provider wasn’t concerned that you were a whacko because my references are solid. But still, 5 years is way too long and that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

There’s only so much time in a day, and if I’m taking up half of my time providing old references... Well, my time is money. I think a small fee is reasonable. Otherwise, feel free to use a more current reference.

So if a reference comes from On High, it's golden? Even if it's five years old?

A reference is to give another some assurance that a dude isn't a whacko. How the hell can a 5 year old reference do that, exactly? Is it Divine from a certain provider? How bout... either say you haven't seen the dude in 5 years or just say he was cool 5 years ago, and haven't seen him since?

If a reference becomes a case for an up-charge, then just kiss my ass and don't give me a reference. The idea is idiotic. If a reference isn't current, you are compromising the safety of others... if it is current, it's part of the adopted method of keeping others safe. It's 10 seconds of your life to send a text. If you want to make a dime off of keeping others safe, then you're not somebody I want to see.

My 2 cents. I'll shut up now.

Yes, certain references are valued over others based on the providers history of reliability, speed of response, helpful details provided, accuracy of contact info, etc.

In any event, I’m not going to let you dictate what’s appropriate in my situation. How about you run your business your way and I’ll run mine my way?

And please... Let’s not act like you were offering your patronage, anyway. Your average appointment runs from 60–200 dollars.

Argue with yourself. I’m done responding.

And please... Let’s not act like you were offering your patronage, anyway. Your average appointment runs from 60–200 dollars.
Originally Posted by Ginger Doll

I don't review everybody I see. Generally, I review those who would appreciate one. Some ask me not to review them. Some aren't even on this forum. If I leave a review, it's generally for somebody I've just seen once or twice (thus, no long sessions) and I think it might benefit them. I won't argue about my being a potential patron, though. Your comment makes it clear why that is the case.

I don't see how the dollar amount a lady charges or the client pays matters but ok. Let's base importance over the amount we carry in our wallets.

So what is the industry standard reference fee? That's what this is all about RIGHT? I realize time is money. Thanks

So what is the industry standard reference fee? That's what this is all about RIGHT? I realize time is money. Thanks Originally Posted by challenger340

I don’t have a specific number in mind. At this point it was just an idea.

Am I the only one that thought this thread was going to be about something completely different after reading the title?

Am I the only one that thought this thread was going to be about something completely different after reading the title? Originally Posted by bigjohn001

Is this a penis reference?