most awkward hobby dates?

Ohh! I have another one.. A very sweet, “nerdy”, shy gent visited me & warned me “it may be finished fast”, as he was nervous. I get it: 1st meetings are usually a bit nervous.. He only wanted to cuddle & basically ZERO activity. Fast forward to the grand finale: he wanted me to dirty talk while he completed himself. When he finished, he moaned so loud! I noticed that could not have been jizz.. He then IMMEDIATELY turned red, stood up, started apologizing, showered & apologized more, because: dude peed. He admitted he was so nervous & excited he didn’t realize what was happening until after the fact… I kind of felt bad for the guy, lol. I probably would’ve been mad if it got on me, or if they were my sheets- but, all was clean! Lol

^^maybe he heard squirting was a thing..

hilarious story tho.

Someone I use to frequent. Her pussy was fresh like 50/50 of the time. She looked good so I was like whatever.

Anyways went in for dato and realized I had shards of toilet paper in my mouth. As I spread her ass even further it’s obvious she didn’t rinse and just wiped before a session. I was so grossed out. Literally had particles of poop in my mouth.

Beyond grossed. Almost Barfed. I couldn’t even explain to her the reason for stopping. I had still seen her after as sometimes desperation comes.. but every-time I show up.. I could never forget that moment. She gets mentions on here every now and then… but perhaps she is just lazy

^^yikes..

Last summer I saw youngin that some of these SIMPS on here rave about. Smelliest snizz I've ever dealt with.. . She didn't even need to take her shorts off...I stayed with the session. Started BBBJ and noticed her white tongue (her mouth was even yeasty) proceeded to actually do FS to even completion. ZERO chance she was nose blind to the aroma...scubbing the stench and shame off of myself in the shower, she suggests I write a review....I.DID.NOT
What I did do is get a 10 panel and RNA screening after the window period was up...this shit almost retired me...she has since raised her rates to GPS levels...WOW?!?!

So you’re saying she could be an NIH research project?

Spoken from a true Gentleman that doesn't have to embarrass/humiliate anyone at the expense of a joke Originally Posted by Busty

I have a feeling that your remarks are directed at me. However, it was never my intention to embarrass or humiliate anyone. In fact, the exact opposite is true. Back when you were doing all of your research I was in awe of your researching talent. Yes, I used humor, but that was because I thought your remark about being too lazy was said in a joking manner. If I misread that, then I am sorry. I was trying to keep up the jovial spirit that I thought that your remark was made in. I am sorry if I was not able to make it clear exactly what my thoughts were.

^^Busty is definitely our ace researcher, extremely helpful to everyone, and a tech wizard. by contrast, i'm tech-tarded..

so this was a gal i met on LC, but i would consider her high quality. gorgeous body. but..

so i'm finally at her booty massage, and suddenly, a toot. and then another. with a hydrogen sulfide aroma..

i claimed i had to use the bathroom. i sucked in a bunch of deep inhalations until i was good. i finished the session. and i gave her a..yes.

so how to handle gas? say, i've got to take a piss, and fart until you have no more gas left in your entire body, and then return. thoughts?

PxxxC,
You should start a thread about the dumbest/craziest stories in the hobby world. I can share some really juicy tales.

PxxxC,
You should start a thread about the dumbest/craziest stories in the hobby world. I can share some really juicy tales. Originally Posted by Busty

Busty, since you thought of it, you should start the thread. i love it when providers start threads other than "Best place to stay?" or "Best place to eat ____."

i mean, we get it that providers need threADS, especially with the new rules, but why can't they be entertaining as well? show off your creativity and imagination..

"Is that not why we're here, to be entertained?"

You are the one inspiring these types of threads & I'm not going to be a copycat.
Thanks for the entertainment & your
contributions are appreciated.

my two stories are this:

there was one provider i saw who was fine until she took off her panties. as soon as she did that i was hit with a wall of stank so bad it instantly killed any interest i had in continuing the date. dont think ive ever smelt anything so foul before. i ended up asking her to leave a few minutes later.

the only other awkward thing was i met this cute provider with a tight little body but for some reason jr wasnt having any of it. spent the entire date with a bad case of ED. to her credit she tried her best to get a reaction out of him, but nothing happened. was pretty awkward to sit there for an hour with a limp dick. oh well.

^^folmfao..

thanks for sharing, sir!

so not sure if this is only awkward, or maybe just straight up awful, but, anyway, here goes..

so this was a BP gal, Roxie. perfect petite just like my thing, totally. we agree on a certain donation for a hh session, outcall.

she shows up pretty much on time.
she texts at the gate, and i buzz her in. she comes up and is just like her pics. i ask her if she'd like a frozen strawberry thingee with rum. she said sure. asked her if she'd like a "cigarette", and she days sure.

so after our "get warmed up" facilitators, i asked her if she'd like to get comfortable and get started with the fun. she replied that her tummy hurts, and she needed more time. (i'd already set the donation down, and she'd already picked it up.)

i asked her if aunt flo was visiting, and i offered her some tums, pepto bismol, or anaprox. she said yes to aunt flo but no to my palliatives.

i said no rush luv, take your time. after about 20 minutes of random chit chat, i asked her if she was ready to go. and here's where things went off the rails.

she said, well, you have 10 minutes left, so sure..

i went ballistic. "you're charging me for time when you felt too ill to start activities? fuck that. tell you what. keep half the donation and give me half back, and you can be on your way."

she said she couldn't find the donation.

i said,"did you stick it up your ass? if so, i can retrieve it. lmk."

she said one second, and sent out a text.

i said, "who is that, your pimp?"

she said no, it's my brother. ya sure.

then i hear someone pounding on the locked front door. this shit b gettin real.

i said through the door, "your bitch owes me half back, and we'll call it square."

no reply, but somehow this mofo breaks down my front door and gets inside my condo.

i'm furious, and give 0 fuks. i pick this pos up and body slam him to the floor. unfazed, he gets up, and even with my fast reflexes, manages a glancing blow to the side of my face. furious, i pick him up again and again body slam him to the floor.

roxie rushes out, and i pick up this pos, open my front door, carry this sorry mother fucker down the stairs, and body slam him once again on the concrete.

then i said, "you got 2 minutes to get you and your sorry ho tf outta my complex, or imma call the cops on you for trespassing."

he stumbled to his feet, and quickly ran to his car, where Roxie was waiting for him. they pulled up to the white line, the gate opened, and hurriedly exited my complex.

umm, i gave her a no..