Confessions of a Hobby Junkie

Don't be the nice guy.

Don't be the practical guy.

Don't be the tool.

BE the adventurous guy.

BE the mysterious guy.

BE the dangerous guy.

In other words, BE interesting! BE unexpected!

BUT – don't try to fake the game you don't have, or hunt in a zone you don't belong in. It won't work. That's what the hobby is for.

Good hunting...

L4L

Don't be the nice guy.

Don't be the practical guy.

Don't be the tool.

BE the adventurous guy.

BE the mysterious guy.

BE the dangerous guy.

In other words, BE interesting! BE unexpected!

BUT – don't try to fake the game you don't have, or hunt in a zone you don't belong in. It won't work. That's what the hobby is for.

Good hunting...

L4L Originally Posted by Lust4xxxLife

Very well put - I would add that your handle also further accentuates what you said.
Have a lust for life and don't "need" the girl.

Thank you to everybody for the kind words and advice. I appreciate the encouragement, however, I basically registered an anonymous handle just to do this, so I wouldn't call posting it brave or gutsy at all. Brave and gutsy would be finding a way to successfully change that which ails me, which probably means being honest with some people and getting some help. Those of you that admitted it hit close to home were gutsier than I was.

As far as how to get laid outside of the hobby and not find yourself in the friend zone? People will tell you all kinds of advice, but at the end of the day, either be tall and good looking or have lots of money (or figure out how to pretend you do). There are guys that are neither that still clean up, but that's a God given talent, like a 100 mph fastball or being able to shred on a guitar

I know plenty of guys (myself included at times) that complain all day long about women being shallow and not seeing through their imperfect exteriors to their inner beauty, while only pursuing physically beautiful women. It's funny when you think about it.

I would have to agree with the provider who posted that those who separate themselves from the hobby (be they provider or hobbyist) tend to have negative experiences/emotions overall. I know why I chose to be a provider, a few close to me know of my line of work, and I keep quiet otherwise not out of embarrassment but because society views you as a leper once you have been in most any aspect of the adult world. I have a life outside of the business and serious goals that I am pursuing. This is merely an avenue towards them.

Catharsis is good, but coming clean about why you do something and digging deep into the darker aspects of oneself and coming to terms with those parts often is what is needed to release the negative perceptions of a event or habits.

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.

I also took note of the language used to describe the women seen both personally and in the hobby. It appears to me that some examination of how you view women overall also needs to be taken into consideration because there is alot of objectification there and narcissism all the way around no matter how you slice it. What you did does indeed take balls to write, but it takes even bigger balls to accept feedback on your writings (be it positive or negative).

One cannot serve two masters; and by this I mean you cannot separate yourself in such a way and expect to remain healthy mentally/emotionally. Dig deep, explore your emotional landscape, stop going numb to block yourself from self awareness and talk to some of the women you see (civvy and provider alike) about the hobby--you very well might find some enlightenment here. Sex and intimacy are a beautiful thing and I strive to have each of my encounters be exactly that on some level. If you approach an encounter with that goal in mind where is the shame, the humiliation, the disgust?

I'm here because the Providers flat out do what the civvies won't do.
Chasing the forbidden makes it unspeakably desirable. Or something like that.

I do this hobby business because I absolutely love it.. Paid for my first provider in 1957 and have been doing it ever since..... I have no issues.... Great wife, two super kids but I have never felt guilty about my hobby involvement... I just like pretty young girls and the shit they do.... I'm 72 and as long as "old shorty" will work I'm gonna continue to do this.....The hobby has been great for me!!!!!!!

+1 bkat6049

Alex,

I appreciate your thoughtful and insightful words. With regards to your point about objectifying women...

There is no doubt that in the context of the hobby I have objectified women, and continue to do so. One giant flashing sign of this is that out of hundreds (possibly more) of sessions, I can count on one hand the number of girls I have seen twice, and only one of them have I ever become truly regular with.

This is in stark contrast to my civvie life (at least in the context of relationships), where I have fostered a few deeply loving, caring relationships, and developed deep respect for the women I've been involved with. I am currently in a great relationship with a wonderful woman, and happier in it than I've ever been in a relationship.

It's that objectification that causes the disconnect, and my inability to leave the hobby. I love the deep, loving, caring, emotional sex I have with my partner. It's satisfying, amazing, and I would feel empty without it. However, whether developed prior to or because of the hobby, there is also a part of me that longs for that objectification, and feels unsatisfied no matter how great of a relationship I am in. Because I am unable or unwilling to objectify women in my personal life, I find myself compelled to do so in the hobby.

For instance, I may see an attractive redhead walking down the street one day. That plants a seed in my mind, where I start fantasizing about what it would be like to have her. And the fantasy only works if she stays simply a sex object. The sexual compulsion centers around the ultimate no strings, guilt free (as it relates to my feelings towards her--- my own personal guilt is another story), emotionless sex. In my experience, this is very difficult to find outside of the hobby (I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but it is not readily available, at least not to me). So I search for an approximation of the redhead here, and the itch is scratched. At least it used to be.

It is this need to objectify sex that is at the root of my problem, and what I have been unable to shake. In analyzing my initial attraction to transsexuals, I have come to two conclusions. One part of it is what I referenced; a need to push the limits. The second is that I am able to objectify them even more. With a TS, I don't wrestle with worrying about if they are victims, or if they are doing something they will later hate themselves for (I'm not suggesting this is the case will all or even most female escorts, but it's an ingrained subconscious thought that rises to the surface sometimes for me). I also am able to rationalize that they have basically turned themselves into a sex object, as if they are the ones who have made the decision to objectify themselves.

Please understand, I realize it's all bullshit, and am not defending my actions, nor my justifications I tell myself. It's just where I've gotten to with all of this.

Once again, I do appreciate your insight.

+1 bcat6049. I'm an addict too, but recognize and celebrate it. I'm also in this simply because I really like girls, enjoy the variety as well as the surprisingly deep relationships available in the hobby, and love the fact that in this hobby you can fuck gorgeous, often very interesting girls at will. Some objectification? Yes, but I would argue that's in human nature to some extent (our hardwired conceptions of beauty which drive us to certain "looks"), and if kept in balance and understood is, in moderation, a natural and normal part of the human experience (along with the deeper human feeling that also naturally comes).

I certainly agree that over time one develops tolerance for any activity and so wants to keep it interesting with more and more variety and intensity, but I've found that the span of sexual activities with girls is quite broad enough to keep my attention thus far. Same with wine or any other connoisseurship -- although there's nothing like savoring the nuances of a world-class DTBBBJCIM! Haven't been attracted to trannies, yet. That said, I don't condemn you or anyone for your sexual preferences.

Your guilt is probably mainly about social norms you've imbibed somewhere, and as Alex326 says, realize that you can change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. I guess you do need some sort of professional therapy or help if you're unhappy and can't get that motivation and path to change your view of yourself from just yourself with your trusted friends.

But for me, the hobby is a pretty unabashed good thing so long as one can afford it and is unable to avoid extreme health or financial risk (and if not one needs to develop mental and financial discipline here as in other expenditures or life efforts -- a good meditation practice can actually help here). It's only our narrow view of what's "proper" (from the social norms that some segments of society impose on us, usually without even our awareness or reflection or knowledge it is happening) that suggest this is a bad human endeavor . . . so long as you've got two willing participants in voluntary, truly consensual exchange.

In short, try to lighten up yourself -- don't worry, be happy that you have these great options available! -- and if that doesn't work, get some help to do so! This can be a mentally and physically healthy, fun part of life's portfolio!

Someone just needs taint therapy.

Quote by addict ... And the shit of it is, I know that I’ll probably do them again. This “hobby” is a bitch. And it’s one I can’t control, no matter how hard I try.

Be careful with it, it can eat you alive.[/QUOTE] This is a quote by addict from his first post.
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addict.....I think we can all relate to not having control of something in our life. It can be the simple things to the overwhelming things to the damaging things.
Some things I relate to impulse control....here is a portion from an article I read about it. I think sexual stuff is in there somewhere. Or can be found. You seem to have done some "work" on yourself. Perhaps you have had therapy prior to your confession here. Hence why I share this little bit of deep stuff.....

"As humans, the ability to control our impulses-or urges-helps distinguish us from other species and marks our psychological maturity. Most of us take our ability to think before we act for granted. But this isn’t easy for people who have problems controlling their impulses.
People with an impulse control disorder can’t resist the urge to do something harmful to themselves or others. Impulse control disorders include addictions to alcohol r drugs, eating disorders, compulsive gambling, paraphilias sexual fantasies and behaviors involving non-human objects, suffering, humiliation or children, compulsive hair pulling, stealing, fire setting and intermittent explosive attacks of rage.
Some of these disorders, such as intermittent explosive disorder, kleptomania, pyromania, compulsive gambling and trichotillomania, are similar in terms of when they begin and how they progress. Usually, a person feels increasing tension or arousal before committing the act that characterizes the disorder. During the act, the person probably will feel pleasure, gratification or relief. Afterward, the person may blame himself or feel regret or guilt.
People with these disorders may or may not plan the acts, but the acts generally fulfill their immediate, conscious wishes. Most people, however, find their disorders highly distressing and feel a loss of control over their lives."

that was fantastic,,!!!!!,,,starting to feel the same way,,,,have a girlfriend who could be on the cover of playboy,,,but still wind down at those places,,,there is a program called slaa which is supposed to free you all this which is basically an obsession,,ive been told goodluck

Uh, I'm not flaming. I promise.

But dude, grow a fucking pair. You're alive. You're breathing. You're fucking beautiful chicks! Think about the starving kids is china (do they still have those).

We're men. This is what we do. We work hard, take care of our families, and we fuck hookers (no offense). Why do you think prostitution is the OLDEST profession? That shit is older than fucking farming!

I think that the American male has become so fucking politically corrected that our fucking balls don't hang any more! All these fucking Jimmy Swaggart fucking Michelle Bachman Jesus freak fucking politicians fucking liberal Oprah watching bitches working their ass off to take away a mans god-given right to hot, young pussy.

This shit used to be legal as fuck. Every saloon had a ducking cathouse in it! Now these blackberry carrying no load fucks have got us at fucking garage sales and fucking antique shows.

Look dude, my FIRST piece of ass was a hooker. I wasn't ugly, just a late bloomer. And in country Podunk E. Texas, I was a black guy in the 80's with all white friends. So the black girls didn't like me and I was too geeky to hook of with the white girls AND that shit wasn't like it is now.

And let me say for the record...and the money (I heard a pimp say that on a movie once)... I FUCKING LOVE HOOKERS!!! You chicks are the fucking bees knees!!

Dude, you've confessed at the alter of the hobby gods. They forgive you. We've all done crazy drunk shit. Shit, I was a sailor. I'm sure I've had my dick sucked by at least 1 tranny somewhere between the Caribbean and the Southeast Asia. Let that bullshit go and have some fun. Have some fucking fun!

Fuck it!! I'm gonna go have some fun!!

Started on a business trip to florida many years ago. First experience was a bad experience as she stole my money and ran off. Thankfully, I tried again and the rest is history. I had a rule, never hobby in the same town while I live but I broke that one too some 8 years ago.

Always remember that one controls their own destiny....Do not worry what the other guys and girls are doing in a sense as to slack off on your goals in life, push yourself to what you want to achieve yet always take the time to smell the roses....