Speaking as an older woman, if your not comfortable providing DATY there needs to be SOMETHING to replace it. Toys...GENTLE fingering...SOMETHING! I'm almost 45 and at times experience some dryness without stimulation. I can't control it (damn it) and I find that a gent willing to take his time and provide pleasure weather that is through oral or another means is a turn on for me!
. Its your dime, and everything should be done at your comfort level, including something as intimate as DATY!
Side note: Please do not try to stick a finger into the vejayjay WITHOUT doing something to lubricate a woman first! That shit hurts! Lol