Happily married, an oxymoron?

How then to explain the man who marries 2 or 3 times after already having the children etc.? Originally Posted by John Bull

Hope. I've always said everyone wants someone they can call home.

Pressure from the woman. Unfortunately, many women won't believe a man's sentiments are sincere if he won't put a ring on her finger.

I once danced at a bachelor party, while the groom and I were alone I asked "Why the hell would you want to marry?"

His frank and simple response: "Two incomes are better then one."

How then to explain the man who marries 2 or 3 times after already having the children etc.? Originally Posted by John Bull

The triumph of hope over experience!

There are men and women alike in this world who are serial monogamists. They are co-dependant and can not live alone. I know many people like this.

Aside from just the societal, and peer pressure to get married these people also fear dying alone. And even with a husband or wife many people die alone, after their spouse has already passed.

I know many guys who are not happily married. But I know a few who are. I can not speak for women.

Some of the unhappily married guys got there because of religious reasons, and are stuck there for the same reasons.

Marriage in the US is very different than it used to be. There almost seems to be no point in it. Women will insist on it, then when divorce time comes for many, the man is stuck with the consequences of getting married. I see no real benefit for a man to get married unless he truly wants to spend the rest of his life with only 1 woman, and raise children.

I have no desire to have children and I do not want to be locked down to 1 woman for the rest of my life, so why would I get married?

People in Europe get married much later in life, if at all. The attitude towards marriage is very different there, and guess what? Divorce is not as prominent.

Marriage in the US, like many things here is affected by our "go big or go home" lifestyles. If you get married you have to spend $30k minimum on the "party". You have to get married quickly, there is a lot of pressure from women. Women want to start having children quickly. The ring has to be a certain size, and most women pick out their own engagement rings nowadays. Many women go to college and have their families pay all that money for an education only so they can meet a man while in college, get married after graduation, work MAYBE a year, then oops a kiddo! Now they are stay at home moms who drink a bottle of wine a day to wash down the prozac. They drive their giant SUV's to Starbucks to meet the other trophy houswives who hate their husbands for working so many hours they are never home, but that is the only way to afford the brand new house, all the prozac, the 2 new cars, all the kids piano dance french math private tutoring bills. Not to mention the stress that caused the man to have 2 DWI's in 4 years so he has to pay the state an ungodly amount of money. And the prozac and all the plastic surgeries have killed the wife's sex drive so he has to come on Eccie and use the paltry $200 extra dollars a month he has to find someone who will pretend to enjoy having sex with him for an hour. And then that is a crap shoot sometimes.

So yeah, no marriage for me...

Saw this thread early this AM. Been wondering about it ever since.

I guess my take on it is that "happily married" is NOT an oxymoron.

I think a lot of people are happily married...for the most part. And a lot of people are miserable in marriage.

Like everything else, there are upsides and downsides to everything. For instance, how many people love their jobs...everything about those jobs? If you are lucky enough to to have a job you mostly like, there are still some things about it you don't like.

I think marriage is mostly the same way. Upsides. Downsides. If you generally like it, that's a plus. If you're miserable...well, that sucks.

But I don't think you can make generalizations like the OP did.

Just my .02.

There are men and women alike in this world who are serial monogamists. They are co-dependant and can not live alone. I know many people like this.

Aside from just the societal, and peer pressure to get married these people also fear dying alone. And even with a husband or wife many people die alone, after their spouse has already passed.

I know many guys who are not happily married. But I know a few who are. I can not speak for women.

Some of the unhappily married guys got there because of religious reasons, and are stuck there for the same reasons.

Marriage in the US is very different than it used to be. There almost seems to be no point in it. Women will insist on it, then when divorce time comes for many, the man is stuck with the consequences of getting married. I see no real benefit for a man to get married unless he truly wants to spend the rest of his life with only 1 woman, and raise children.

I have no desire to have children and I do not want to be locked down to 1 woman for the rest of my life, so why would I get married?

People in Europe get married much later in life, if at all. The attitude towards marriage is very different there, and guess what? Divorce is not as prominent.

Marriage in the US, like many things here is affected by our "go big or go home" lifestyles. If you get married you have to spend $30k minimum on the "party". You have to get married quickly, there is a lot of pressure from women. Women want to start having children quickly. The ring has to be a certain size, and most women pick out their own engagement rings nowadays. Many women go to college and have their families pay all that money for an education only so they can meet a man while in college, get married after graduation, work MAYBE a year, then oops a kiddo! Now they are stay at home moms who drink a bottle of wine a day to wash down the prozac. They drive their giant SUV's to Starbucks to meet the other trophy houswives who hate their husbands for working so many hours they are never home, but that is the only way to afford the brand new house, all the prozac, the 2 new cars, all the kids piano dance french math private tutoring bills. Not to mention the stress that caused the man to have 2 DWI's in 4 years so he has to pay the state an ungodly amount of money. And the prozac and all the plastic surgeries have killed the wife's sex drive so he has to come on Eccie and use the paltry $200 extra dollars a month he has to find someone who will pretend to enjoy having sex with him for an hour. And then that is a crap shoot sometimes.

So yeah, no marriage for me... Originally Posted by rekcaSxT

I think co-dependence is associated with BPD.


Tell us why you're mad, RekcaSxT?

In essence, I see the valid points you made. Marriage nowadays is basically a business contract until one party finds a fault, and is ready to call everything quits.

I've walked away from a few rings, not because the men weren't capable of being wonderful husbands, but because I didn't want to end up being one of those miserable women you mentioned living life with yet another regret.

Am very, very particular when it comes to marriage, worse yet a divorce.

God, I can empathize with you men at times.

Though improbable as stated in an earlier thread, it is possible to have a wonderful marriage.

I think co-dependence is associated with BPD.


Tell us why you're mad, RekcaSxT?

In essence, I see the valid points you made. Marriage nowadays is basically a business contract until one party finds a fault, and is ready to call everything quits.

I've walked away from a few rings, not because the men weren't capable of being wonderful husbands, but because I didn't want to end up being one of those miserable women you mentioned living life with yet another regret.

Am very, very particular when it comes to marriage, worse yet a divorce.

God, I can empathize with you men at times. Originally Posted by Nicolette Morgandy

I wouldn't say I am mad. It is a soap box issue for me though. So many people want to talk about the sanctity of marriage, and those same people are just as likely to get divorced. It is mind boggling.

I also have some family members that are in this viscous cycle right now.

In a perfect world everyone would be like my mom and dad, but it is not a perfect world. And it is a VERY different world then when they got married.

A vasectomy costs $700. It is just like spaying a neutering your pets.... Keep the population down people...

vicious not viscous.... sorry

Kinda funny when you think about what that could have meant...

Though improbable as stated in an earlier thread, it is possible to have a wonderful marriage. Originally Posted by Marcus Aurelius

It *IS* possible, for some people. It's not easy and there are compromises to be made. There are days when one of you may want to stab the other in the eye with something dull; if you're lucky, on that same day they'll make you laugh and you'll put away the cereal spoon.

Nothing worth anything is ever easy.

A marriage is only ever happy if the parties involved always remember that they are only ONE HALF of a whole.

MHO, of course.

Happily married, happily single, happiness is transient and relative. Loving someone doesn't mean you like them all of the time or want to be near them all of the time. I think "happily married" would roughly translate to, "all other things being equal, I choose to stay married."

A better question, I think, is, "would you do it again." Because that would presuppose that the bond had not matured for years and so all other things would not be equal.

Happiness in marriage is a lot like the weather, it not only can change, it will.

Regards,

It has to be said that we need to recognize, and discard (I would argue), the implied modifier 'perfectly' in front of 'happily married.' I know lots of couples who seem happily married, but I doubt many, if any, would say theirs was a perfect relationship. For one thing, we all need to find fulfillment in more than one person. I don't necessarily mena that in the obvious context here of sex, but in the range of things we enjoy. My SO might not be a hunter/jazz lover/whatever, but that doesn't mean I can enjoy those apart from her. And the same holds true for her.

So often today we want it ALL, for ME. That's a sure recipe for unhappiness.

Happiness in marriage is a lot like the weather, it not only can change, it will.

Regards, Originally Posted by Iaintliein

Well said

So often today we want it ALL, for ME. That's a sure recipe for unhappiness. Originally Posted by Willen

Those are the ones that think they can have it all !

I was always a take what ya need and leave the rest kinda guy.

It *IS* possible, for some people. It's not easy and there are compromises to be made. There are days when one of you may want to stab the other in the eye with something dull; if you're lucky, on that same day they'll make you laugh and you'll put away the cereal spoon. Originally Posted by Bella_HHD

You watchin' my home life? Hoo, spooky.

A marriage is only ever happy if the parties involved always remember that they are only ONE HALF of a whole. Originally Posted by Bella_HHD

I try. Nice thought, though.

About 1:35 in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4Xd3YZj2N0 Originally Posted by Iceman

Funny, are you married or are you happy. Good thing I wasn't drinking anything.

What part of this by now that people don't understand?