About being married

I have been married for 25 years and hobbying for the last 5 years. For me, it is a result of being bored in my sexual life. My SO and I have sex regularly at least once a week, but it is kind of a "duty" now than spontaneous love making. There are certain things my SO will no longer do, such as BJ or allow DATY, so this is what I seek in the hobby.

I will agree with other posts that once we had children the frequency declined and had to be planned to fit into our schedules. Now that the kids are grown and out of the house, the frequency did not pick up. This doesn't mean I don't love my SO, we are just at a different point in our relationship, which I find very comfortable. She still is my best friend and we share significant history.

With that said, I don't let my hobby life enter my personal life. The hobby is just that for me, a hobby. I seek out some fun times and experiences that I would not normally have. My SO does the same, she has her own hobbies (not THE hobby) and interests where I have no involvement. I think it is important to grow as individuals, while maintaining a loving relationship, and to me that is the bottom line.

If you set your priorities on what is important to you and don't confuse or intertwine your SO relationship to your hobby relationship, you can make both work.

I have been happier these last 5 years and it directly reflects on a better relationship with my SO. All she knows is that I am happier and easier to live with and that is her bottom line.

Good luck on your marriage, I wish you the best.

Congrats on your engagement!

As a young 32 year old lady in the hobby I applaud you, cause hopefully one day I'll be engaged/married too. And because as a single woman all I do is think about what I would want my ultimate relationship to be like, this is what I've got:

Be open and honest. I hope as a 50 year old man getting married for the first time that this is not your 'freshmen mistake', and this is a woman you can open your heart totally to. I also hope that this is a wonderfully accepting woman who is understanding that your needs may change and she is willing to adapt to that change and vice versa. And when that change comes for either of you, you think of each other's needs regardless. Never settle for just being 'there' in your relationship. The only question that should need constant gardening is are your attentive to your love's needs, and vice versa. After that, who cares about how anybody else's marriage came and went?

All the best to you...

Nearly 30 years of marriage.

Love my wife. Great wife, mom, daughter, friend...I'm blessed.

She's always been conservative. Her libido has dropped off the table with menopause. We got married so young I never had the run around the block that single men get and am sprinting before my libido is dead. It's already wounded.

You know what you need to do in your relationship to be the man your wife needs.

Do it.

It's all about variety to me. I get tired of the same snatch day in and day out. My SO will give me whatever I want whenever I want sexually, and I am very attracted to her. However, I still seek out extra curricular activities on a regular basis.

A well known Escort in South Florida and one of my ATF's once told me.

" If more men where happilly married and their wives satisfied them at home, I would be out of business tommorrow"

Good luck with your marriage.

My suggestion is to watch as many reruns of Married With Children as you can and pay special attention to everything Al Bundy has to say on the subject. He is a very wise man.

Maybe some of us are addicted to sex and can't be faithful and some just do not want to grow up.

I do it for the sex obviously, but that aside it is more about having fun and having variety. I love a beautiful woman at the end of my dick.

sadly humans are not monogamous by nature.
Sure we want to believe we are and that we can control those urges but in reality men and women alike will stray if the right circumstances present themselves.
The difference is we feel guilt about it.
I have never been married but I have lived with SO's and always found that the sex tapered off within a year or so.Sooner with some.
As many have said the oral was the 1st to go and then it just becomes longer between times.
Personally I love sex and want it every night so being with someone who wants or needs it just every so often just won't work.
Good luck Npita I do hope it works out for you.

So egbvr.
If we like sex we are either addicted to it or we haven't grown up?
I'm 52 so I think I have grown up.Addicted to sex?Hmm ,I do really ,really like it but would I rob a 7-11 to get the funds to see a provider .I don't think so.

So egbvr.
If we like sex we are either addicted to it or we haven't grown up?
I'm 52 so I think I have grown up.Addicted to sex?Hmm ,I do really ,really like it but would I rob a 7-11 to get the funds to see a provider .I don't think so. Originally Posted by looiecypher

I used to work with an older guy that had been married for "years and years". One day at the end of the day he looked at me and smiled then said, I am going home tonight for my "semi-annual" or is it my "annual-semi"?

I head an old guy tell a story about getting married. He said get a mason jar and a bag of pinto beans. Each time you get laid in the first year of the marriage, put a pinto bean in the jar. Then, after the first year, each time you get laid, take a pinto bean out of the jar. He said he'd bet you dollar to donuts that you'd be dead before the jar was empty. He was a smart old codger.

Hey nipta, I think it really depends on your relationship, I have been with my women for 4 years and I'm still just as happy as ever. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Just try to spice it up every now and then.

(1) Did the sex (quality/quantity) really decline right after getting married? Originally Posted by npita

I my case, it was long ago in the times where they called it "shotgun". So my experience may not be typical, but, yes it does decline for too many reasons to list. I tried books, photos and all kinds of toys to keep it going but she lost interest. I ended up "servicing" her for many years. Which was simply a pain for me....but I did it because it was the "right thing for a good man to do" for his woman....

(2) Do many of you that hobby just do it for variety or is it mostly due to the sex (or lack thereof) at home? Originally Posted by npita

the second, but I grew up in an industrial area where the "ladies" lined the street outside the bank on payday. Back then there was no direct deposit and the meat plant and truck drivers all went to the bank to cash that check on pay day. So I knew about options early...that may have made the cross over easier...

(3) For those who do it for lack of adequate sex aty home, would you hobby if your home sex life was what you wanted it to be? Were there any signs before getting married that you ignored or didn't notice that would have alerted you to what would happen after getting married? Originally Posted by npita

My now ex wanted to escape from a bad home situation, so I guess I was the way out for her. And once she was "out" she did not seem to care that much.....if I could do it all over again?