Married Man Guilt. Does it exist as a Hobbyist?

I have become bitter over my wife’s request for a sexual vacation over 9 years ago. Now as I age I find it more difficult to get an erection. Feel like I have waisted much of my sexual life. I feel that being with escorts over the last few years is a way to keep me from hating my wife.

That's something i always find strange. IF the wife goes 5+ years without 'putting out', and is that irksome that she would fly off the handle at the mere suggestion of you boinking an escort, WHY DO so many husbands stay with them??

If she loves you, she will want to satisfy your needs even if for any reason she no longer enjoys it. Does she still do laundry even if she does not enjoy it? Does she still take care of some errands even though she does not enjoy it? She should take care of her husband's needs, if not she no longer cares.

Knowing she no longer cared for me I would want to leave. Divorce would be my solution. Being alone is much better than feeling alone in a relationship. No good can come from staying with her, all she can do is catch you and make the divorce worse.

Most people think they are smart enough to get away with it until they get caught. She already knows you cheat but she like you lives in denial. She does not want to face it and she feels unloved. Talk to her, do not come clean, but tell her your needs and if she refuses let her know you will he leaving. It is scary, but it is best.

I never felt enough guilt to post a dopey thread about it on a hooker board... if that's what you mean.

Not enough that it bothers me. I may have back in the day but I don't recall. LOL
A guy can only deal with dealing with NO or not tonight so many times!
I have told her more than once that if she wants it she has to do the initial move because I won't deal with NO again! I have even caught her on the bed masturbating but she never asked me!
Then awhile back we took a trip, when we got home she asked why I didn't make a pass at her on our nights away. Well she never made the 1st move! I won't do it!
I could probably tell a couple other stories also but I will save the time. I think it has been at least 10 years now I don't recall.
O and she knows I play sometimes.

Speaking from the P.O.V. of the wife with a Hubby (now ex) that would hobby....

If he had ever ONCE told me there was an issue and/or he was not satisfied with what he had at home, I would have listened and done what I could to make him happy. Because I love him.

But he didn't. It turns out that it wasn't a lack of sex that made him stray. It was an addiction. NO...he is not addicted to sex. He is addicted to being "naughty". To doing something that is against the "rules". LOL So after he was caught and after A LOT of counseling, and I gave the go ahead to do want made him happy, he wasn't interested anymore.

But then, that could have been because I told him that if he was allowed to his fun, then I would be having mine as well.


I am not saying this is the case for all married men that hobby.

My personal opinion is this....
If a married man is not happy with the sex (or lack thereof) at home, but is happy with all other aspects of his marriage....then it's better to hobby than to have an affair.

Don't confuse sex with love. Just because She has a problem with Her body and sex....that does not automatically mean she no longer LOVES you!

As you can observe from the posts here, those of us who hobby and are married, most of us anyway, have needs that for various reasons are not being satisfied. Much less chance of high drama when pursuing those needs through hobbying than through an affair. Strictly business, no expectations.

Right you are, Krystal_RoseBBW, we are happy with the rest of the marriage just not the sex part.
My 1st time we were having a snow storm. I asked this gal if she would like a ride. Took her to her apartment, and she offered me a BJ in return! I never asked or anything!
I guess the rest is history.
But it wasn't because I was disinterested I just can't be told NO so long! I told her she cheated me 1st!

That's something i always find strange. IF the wife goes 5+ years without 'putting out', and is that irksome that she would fly off the handle at the mere suggestion of you boinking an escort, WHY DO so many husbands stay with them?? Originally Posted by garhkal

Most men do not hate their wives. Some women just have very low libidos. Sexual frustration makes our relationship very on edge. When I relive that frustration we get along very well. She does not know I hobby. She has committed to me that I am much more enjoyable to be around in the past year. So in a way this may be better then counseling as long as you don't get caught.

Make no mistake you can love your SO deeply and still be sexually frustrated. Sympathy sex is over rated by the way.

How much would it hurt your SO if she caught you? Is it worth the risk? Would she leave you? Where does she think you go?

I could not stay married to a woman if she was unwilling to perform sexually. Her mouth, her hand, something! If she continued to refuse for her own selfish reasons, I am out the door. I have enough respect for myself to get out of a bad relationship. If she wants to be friends, we can talk about that. But I will not sneak around, lie, scheme, con, just not for me. And that is not a loving relationship. A man cheating because his wife will not fuck, and oh they are happy. Please!!

Want to be jappy, leave or tell her.

I was DEVASTATED when I found out.

But, I should not be considered the "norm". He was my client before he was my Husband. I knew he was in the Hobby. And I was a pretty successful provider....But since he didn't want a wife that he had to share, we agreed that we would both quit.

What hurt me so very badly was not the fact that he was fucking other women. It was the that I gave up the lifestyle that I loved to make him happy.

I kept my end of the bargain, he did not.

So, if you have a wife that is doing absolutely EVERYTHING you ask of her, then yes....in my opinion, you should have some guilt.

But how likely is that? LOL

Does she feel guilty for not having sex with me? NO! Originally Posted by Warptcuck

Would you?

That's something i always find strange. IF the wife goes 5+ years without 'putting out', and is that irksome that she would fly off the handle at the mere suggestion of you boinking an escort, WHY DO so many husbands stay with them?? Originally Posted by garhkal

Too pussified to deal with her or get a divorce.

Not enough that it bothers me. I may have back in the day but I don't recall. LOL
A guy can only deal with dealing with NO or not tonight so many times!
I have told her more than once that if she wants it she has to do the initial move because I won't deal with NO again! I have even caught her on the bed masturbating but she never asked me!
Then awhile back we took a trip, when we got home she asked why I didn't make a pass at her on our nights away. Well she never made the 1st move! I won't do it!
I could probably tell a couple other stories also but I will save the time. I think it has been at least 10 years now I don't recall.
O and she knows I play sometimes. Originally Posted by tinman483

I bet she would be pissed if she caught you choking the chicken, too.

My wife suffered a spinal injury during our fourth year of marriage, the nerve damage caused atrophy of her reproductive organs. Our marriage became celibate at that time. We have been together for 36 years.

Since my wife can not perform sex, I so no reason for 'guilt'. Though I do prefer to be discrete, as I think it would be rude and un-gentlemanly to do otherwise.

Surprisingly no. Originally Posted by Sir Axl

Since this thread went deeper than I thought I’m going to elaborate on my original statement.

I’m the type of asshole that was getting plenty at home, but got tired of the routine and wanted to experience someone different. I’d only been with her and we’ve been together since high school and I do love her. I really thought I would do it one time and would feel really guilty to finally get that crazy idea of fucking someone else out of my head.

Guess what happened? I enjoyed it more than I thought and I did not feel guilty at all. Not one bit. I then started hobbying about once a week on average. There were times I would see a provider during the day and turn around and fuck my wife later that evening.

My wife did eventually find out. Yes, we are still married. She has been devastated, but I still really don’t feel guilty, more annoyed with her constant outbursts and angry I can’t really hobby anymore. She is practically demanding sex nearly everyday now, but it really is starting to feel like a dreaded chore and the routine I was getting bored with in the first place is becoming worse. Not sure where it goes from here...

Listing justifications for poor behavior, like cheating on a s.o., serves to assuage guilt. "I wouldn't have had to do it, if not for ... blah blah blah."

It's not a surprise so few mongers admit to feeling guilty. From what I can tell, they don't FEEL guilty. I expect it's because they've so well conditioned themselves to not feel it.

Doesn't mean they're not guilty. Of course they are. And so it takes its toll whether they "feel it" or not.