Question for everyone

I don't think I would trust a spouse ever again lol J/K

LOL yeah we girls are probably the wrong group to ask a question like this IMHO. It's kind of hard not to be jaded when you spend any amount of time at this profession. I trust men - I trust them to do what they do, and I believe I have a keen understanding and love for them - just the way they are and not how my 15 y/o self thought they should be. In circumspect, of course, I do what I do - that's what makes this job easy for me....what's good for the goose...well I may as well take advantage of it. I've always felt I'd rather be the one getting romanced than be the one at home with the screaming brood and no dude....aunts and lovers/wives and mothers type of thing...well I felt I did have to choose, and chose to be the more informed and realistic one of the bunch, no matter how much it hurts sometimes.

Some people might think I sound bitter....I guess sometimes there are just those bitter pills one has to swallow in life to come out on the other side and continue in happiness. I have developed my polyamorous lifestyle as a way to find trust and happiness with other humans without the expectation of monogomy getting in the way. I'm over here in left field if anyone is interested in hanging out....kind of just wandered over here with all the people with the big dopey smiles on their faces to see what was up...and I liked it.

"Once a cheater always a cheater"? I disagree. There was a time when I held fidelity & faithfulness in high regard. I can be there once again. If I find a woman who can be everything I want and need in a mate, I will gladly hang up my hobby hat and have this account closed.

Answer to OP's question --- Yes. Many reasons exist for stepping out.

And SillyGirl, I was prepared to disagree with you --- until you added that last line of many exceptions. Originally Posted by am-a-pleaser

Yah I put that in there for people who like to nit pick

LOL I prefer the term flawed over cheater, but it is what it is Silly Girl. If life was only always black & white. But to your point. A course everthing we do is a choice. My question for you is, when you find that man/woman will you tell them of your life as a provider? Originally Posted by growler

If this is what I'm doing when I should meet him, then yes because he is going to need to know why I suddenly have no income lol.

But I don't kiss and tell. I am actually having sex with fewer people now then I was when I was in my early 20s. A blanket "I've been very promiscuous" is sufficient.

But is that considered cheating if both parties are aware??? Originally Posted by Alyssa Nicole

I think that really depends. If everything is out in the open about the it, can both parties trust each other enough to move forward.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Edit-total knee jerk reaction, here is a more thoughtful note. I was recently asked if I would ever date a someone that I met through work. The answer is no because why would I date someone that has already proven that they are incapable of being faithful? I do not have a bf right now and plan to remain single until I am done with this particular job. All the excuses in the world "she doesn't like sex" etc etc etc then why did you marry the frigid bitch?

I bet that most wives/girlfriends of hobbyiests are probably not the ice queens that we are expected to believe that they are. But these women are in relationships with men who are not faithful to them and blaming the wife for the betrayal of the husband is ridiculous. Get divorced, but don't try to make us believe that it is anything but a choice to get your dick wet outside of your home.

That being said, I have no problem sleeping with married men. Do I keep them at a distance? Yes of course, even when it is in my personal life.

Dumbest woman I know? The chick that is engaged to my former fiance. They met while he was on vacation with his buddies and I was planning our wedding. She knows all of this. We have spoken on the phone. She is still going to marry him.

Yes yes, many exceptions I'm sure. But for the most part...... Originally Posted by SillyGirl

I agree with you. Hobbyists (men) in particular are prone to cheating, see the poll I did in the National Main forums.

http://eccie.net/poll.php?do=showresults&pollid=426

There again it is a trust thing. But I am like you, I would not want to be involved with a hobbyist.

Good question.
In my case, I hope to never have to find another SO. As odd as it sounds, I am committed to my marriage. That's why I hobby.

My other options are:

1. Get a divorce and lose my kids.
2. Have an emotionally involved affair. (then get a divorce and lose my kids)
3. Remain celibate until one of us dies.

OR. I can hobby.

I tend to look at it as going out to eat alone. I have a hunger, there's nothing in the frig. I go out and have a nice meal, then I come back home. Originally Posted by 16yearitch

Makes a lot of sense. I really appreciate this response.

"Once a cheater always a cheater"? I disagree. There was a time when I held fidelity & faithfulness in high regard. I can be there once again. If I find a woman who can be everything I want and need in a mate, I will gladly hang up my hobby hat and have this account closed. Originally Posted by Out_of_Bounds

I was 100% faithful for 32 years. Never even kissed another woman. Then for some reason...nothing. 0% emotional and physical contact. To this day, some 3 years later, I have yet to know why, other than it stopped. I even waited, celibate for 18 months til I found the hobby. So, should I have continued to wait until....when?

So I found this hobby, and actually, a particular person within this hobby that I hope to see exclusively. Can I be trusted? Can she really trust me? Well, technically, I'm a cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater. However, I feel I have a track record that shows that faithfulness and trust is an easy thing. Trust goes both ways.

In fact, who is it harder to trust? A guy who has cheated, or a girl who provides? That's the beauty and definition of trust. You have to have faith in that person, and them in you. Trust is a two-way deal.

I was 100% faithful for 32 years. Never even kissed another woman. Then for some reason...nothing. 0% emotional and physical contact. To this day, some 3 years later, I have yet to know why, other than it stopped. I even waited, celibate for 18 months til I found the hobby. So, should I have continued to wait until....when?

So I found this hobby, and actually, a particular person within this hobby that I hope to see exclusively. Can I be trusted? Can she really trust me? Well, technically, I'm a cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater. However, I feel I have a track record that shows that faithfulness and trust is an easy thing. Trust goes both ways.

In fact, who is it harder to trust? A guy who has cheated, or a girl who provides? That's the beauty and definition of trust. You have to have faith in that person, and them in you. Trust is a two-way deal. Originally Posted by wp55285

A friend of mine who got divorced over 2 years go after 3 years of marriage told me that when they dated and lived together it was great, then instead of once a day, it became 2-3 times a week, and from there it slowed down as time went by.

Then when she finally decided to file for divorce, lack of sex was one reason, there were others but she kept them to herself..

Basically it sounded like her hubby got comfortable and stopped paying attention to her as much... in turn, the sex died

Could she have cheated and made up for the sex? sure, but if he found out then it would not have been good for her....


So when she split from him, got her own place she started sleeping with her boss (yeah I know BAD idea, and I told her that) but she was making up on all the missed sex as she put it...

Thing is in Texas where she and I are at, there is no "Legal Separation Clause" you are married till the divorce is finalized.

So technically she was cheating on her ex, I do not blame her on cheating, if a woman is not happy with her sex life and the hubby won't try to step up..... but picking a co-worker...... seriously bad idea

Probably not the best to answer this, because of the profession I am in. However, I am not in or will be in a relationship while in this business. When and if I am in a relationship, I see that person only and want the same for whoever I am seeing. This is just something I prefer for myself. If someone has a past history of cheating, I will not have a personal relationship with them. I would not take a chance or put my heart on the line.

When two people meet and commit to each other, they tend to show their committment. And the past, is past.

SillyGirl and CaliGirl, if you ever meet the right guy, you'll know it. He may be a hobbiest, he may not be. Unconditional love is exactly that - UNCONDITIONAL. I truly believe that what a person does, is not who that person is.

I hope you don't mind me directing my comment to you, but it can be directed to others as well, and is my opinion.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Edit-total knee jerk reaction, here is a more thoughtful note. I was recently asked if I would ever date a someone that I met through work. The answer is no because why would I date someone that has already proven that they are incapable of being faithful? I do not have a bf right now and plan to remain single until I am done with this particular job. All the excuses in the world "she doesn't like sex" etc etc etc then why did you marry the frigid bitch?

I bet that most wives/girlfriends of hobbyiests are probably not the ice queens that we are expected to believe that they are. But these women are in relationships with men who are not faithful to them and blaming the wife for the betrayal of the husband is ridiculous. Get divorced, but don't try to make us believe that it is anything but a choice to get your dick wet outside of your home.

That being said, I have no problem sleeping with married men. Do I keep them at a distance? Yes of course, even when it is in my personal life.

Dumbest woman I know? The chick that is engaged to my former fiance. They met while he was on vacation with his buddies and I was planning our wedding. She knows all of this. We have spoken on the phone. She is still going to marry him.

Yes yes, many exceptions I'm sure. But for the most part...... Originally Posted by SillyGirl

Word~

So then, we "hobbyist's" are all dogs incapable of never straying from the farm? Slaves to our habits? And giving up your "time" for $ keeps your conciensce clean? Good luck with that!

So then, we "hobbyist's" are all dogs incapable of never straying from the farm? Slaves to our habits? And giving up your "time" for $ keeps your conciensce clean? Good luck with that! Originally Posted by Out_of_Bounds

lol

well said...I trust no one completely....

Depends on how far you go with your definition of "trust". There is probably "nobody " that I trust "completely "!!

Hell.... I don't even trust myself , completely!!

Giz Originally Posted by MrGiz