I'm just trying to forget about this. I don't want to dwell on it any longer. It's been eating me alive. After I wrote the last several posts above, I had a long dream. I don't remember what it was about, but I spoke to a lot of different people within the dream. When I awoke, I felt reset and like I could move on from this. I don't want to have a negative perspective of women and myself. I wish I could erase my memory. I wish I never met her and none of this ever happened, because I'll remember it forever. I didn't want it to be such an awful experience to look back on. I kept trying and hoping it would get better, but it's not going to get any better. I have to move on.
I agree that I'm a little crazy. Not clinically, but eccentric. I know there is definitely something a little bit odd about me, but if you really knew me, you'll know that I strive to be a good person. I'm a funny guy, but I've never told a joke. I've fought a few times, but I've never thrown a punch. The only person I've ever hit was myself.
I do not understand what I do. What I would, I don't, and what I wouldn't, I do.