Being friends after....

I have very few friends. I am very cautious about friendships, and have none in the hobby. Doesn't mean it is impossible. Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Very well stated. I'm the same way. I am always friendly with those I encounter in the hobby-- providers and fellow clients. However, it takes a lot for me to become friends with someone regardless of any affiliation with hobbying. As of now, there's no way I could be be friends or hang out with providers unless it was on the clock. If circumstances changed, I could possibly become friends but it would take a long time to reach a true friend status, but it would be difficult based on the nature of the relationship because at some point the line between friendship and business is going to come into play. As a friendship evolves (especially between two people who have been intimate), one thing will lead to another which could lead one party to take advantage of another or for a big misunderstanding to occur. I think both parties need to be aware of this. Guys need to understand that a provider friend may or may not offer a "friends with benefits" arrangement. Gals need to understand that a client friend at some point may knowingly or not knowingly seek an "off the clock" arrangement. Both parties need to be aware of this.

I agree.
Friendships comes with the good/bad & ugly. True friends will be there through the good/bad & ugly times. And they like you for you and don't expect you to be someone your not. Fakes ones wither away.
Like, Eccie Addict, I have over a handful of NON hobby friends I've known for 15-20+ years. Some of the most wonderful folks I know.
And the hobby friends I've come to know,adore and hold dear to my heart for 7+years are beautiful souls that I'm LUCKY I met.

^ I will say that true friends and friendships that stand the test of time are tough to find. You're lucky when you can look back and have one true friend. I've been very lucky over the course of my life to develop at least 3 or 4 friendships that have lasted 10+ years. At least 1 over 20 years..... Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

I have very few friends. I am very cautious about friendships, and have none in the hobby. Doesn't mean it is impossible. Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

May I ask why are you cautious about friendships? I can understand being cautious about emotional attachments or folks latching onto you for financial gain. (yeah there are plenty of greedy takers out there). They're easy to spot.
But friendships are good for the soul.

And it's OK to form bonds & friendships with folks in this adult lifestyle. In fact many adults *here* in this arena, have MORE in common than folks we may meet in the RW. There comes moments in our life where one forms friendships in the most unlikely of places and this hobby life is no different. We never know how another adult *here* may impact our life in a beautiful way. Would you throw away that blessing, just because you met them in the hobby?
I sure as hell won't. I don't place labels on friendships. Whether non hobby or hobby wise. True friends are a blessing & ones to cherish.

If things click and we have things in common I could be friends with them even outside the hobby factor. Friends are where you find them and are greatly valued and never rule out anyone as a possible friend.

Top

I'm confused by your comments. How is that "buying friendship"? Providers sell their time and companionship. Hell I have seen some that even charge for phone conversation. It is the business! If I'm so in like with a guy of course I'd have dinner and drinks with him for free but he would still have to pay me for BCD activities. It's an individual thing. Maybe that's why you don't understand. Originally Posted by Naomi4u

True friendship doesn't involve money otherwise it's just an adjusted business arrangement. Not saying it's bad to do that but it's just not friendship.

I have very few friends. I am very cautious about friendships, and have none in the hobby. Doesn't mean it is impossible. Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

May I ask why are you cautious about friendships? I can understand being cautious about emotional attachments or folks latching onto you for financial gain. (yeah there are plenty of greedy takers out there). They're easy to spot.
But friendships are good for the soul.

And it's OK to form bonds & friendships with folks in this adult lifestyle. In fact many adults *here* in this arena, have MORE in common than folks we may meet in the RW. There comes moments in our life where one forms friendships in the most unlikely of places and this hobby life is no different. We never know how another adult *here* may impact our life in a beautiful way. Would you throw away that blessing, just because you met them in the hobby?
I sure as hell won't. I don't place labels on friendships. Whether non hobby or hobby wise. True friends are a blessing & ones to cherish. Originally Posted by Wicked Milf

I am a loner by nature. I don't have any close friends...no one that I talk with regularly or share personal POVs with. It's probably a part of being shy or not being good at interpersonal relationships. I have more deep interaction with other persons on this board that I do in RL. I know, that's pretty sad. But I am not confident that I can be a valuable relationship to another person in RL.

I'm cautious about relationships both because I have been severely hurt in the past, but also because I'm not confident that I can be a good or true friend.

I'm cautious about relationships both because I have been severely hurt in the past, but also because I'm not confident that I can be a good or true friend. Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

I see relationships and friendships as different in this context and find your statement very sad in regard to avoiding friendships.

True friendship doesn't involve money otherwise it's just an adjusted business arrangement. Not saying it's bad to do that but it's just not friendship. Originally Posted by burkalini

I am friends with a lot of guys that I won't have sex with.

"True friendship" has nothing to do with sex.

A hobbyist that befriends me hoping for free sex would be in for a rude awakening.

I truly hope that changes for you in the future, for the better.

We've all been hurt in some form or fashion, by another. I know I have. In which I've lost all respect for said person. But I don't allow those hurts keep me from the friendships I've made before or after being hurt. Being hurt is part of being human and it's a learning tool in how you move forward with your life and enjoy other friendships along the way.

Having friends in your life is good for the soul!! Being lonely is not.

I am a loner by nature. I don't have any close friends...no one that I talk with regularly or share personal POVs with. It's probably a part of being shy or not being good at interpersonal relationships. I have more deep interaction with other persons on this board that I do in RL. I know, that's pretty sad. But I am not confident that I can be a valuable relationship to another person in RL.

I'm cautious about relationships both because I have been severely hurt in the past, but also because I'm not confident that I can be a good or true friend. Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

All friendships have to begin somewhere and take time to develop and grow I believe most people have a difficult time with really trusting people. I know I do. I know alot of people but can count on one hand how many true friends I have and not use all 5 fingers....

It can happen. As with anything it depends on both people. My current lady friend I've seen over a year every week and we have grown very close. We both have said without delay that we will always stay in touch. Some people want to be quick to put a label on a relationship and 8 out 10 times they are right, but there is that 20% that is something special (but it takes time!!!!). I also have good friendships with strippers that are no longer living that lifesstyle.....best of luck.

I am friends with a lot of guys that I won't have sex with. Originally Posted by Naomi4u

This sounds like an SO. LOL