Dirty nasty freakiest thing you ever did?

Well I didn't want to type out the whole thing...but here it is.

A guy is planning his next hunting trip and his wife is suspicious that something fishy is going on, so she tells her husband that she wants to join him. He tells her that she shouldn't go because it will be cold and they get up really early, but she insists. He tells her she can go, but she must participate in the hunting activities, and she agrees.

So they all go out to the cabin, and the night before the hunt a big storm blows in. It's freezing cold and sleeting out, but at 4 a.m. the husband wakes his wife up and say's let's go. The wife tries to get out of going...but the husband aint having it. He tells her "I'm going to get the dogs ready, and if when I get back you aren't up and dresssed, I am going to fuck you in the ass like you've never been fucked before"

The wife starts contemplating her choices...she really doesn't want to go hunting, but she knows her husband will fuck her in the ass so hard she won't be able to walk straight for a week....suddenly an idea hits her. As soon as he gets back she'll give him the best BJ he's ever had complete with CIM and afterwards he won't be able to get hard again to fuck her in the ass.

As soon as he walks in the door, she drops to her knees, whips out his cock and starts sucking his dick like it's the last one she'll ever see. As she's slobbing away, she realizes something is off, an says" honey, your dick tastes lick shit"

To which, the husband replies " yeah, one of them dogs didn't want to get up either!!?

There's your joke..ahem..I mean the inspiration for your "dirty story" Originally Posted by boredinsatx

I don't know if you made that up or not but funny joke. Besides the hunting cabin and your dick tastes like shit nothing like my story.

I'd don't know if this is "freaky" but it was outrageous.

Many moons ago, the wife of a friend really wanted to give the Ol' Tiger a try. They were throwing a Christmas party at their apartment. The bathroom had doors to both their bedroom and the living room. I head to the bathroom, not knowing wife had spotted me. She went to the bedroom and came in the bathroom door. Long story short, we fucked and I unloaded in her pussy. She left via the bedroom and I want back to the party via the living room. No one, even her husband who was 20 feet away was any the wiser. Originally Posted by oldtiger

Some friend.

Some friend. Originally Posted by inspector farquar

I think that moral of the story is if your wife is a whore she will fuck your friends. I'd be a hypocrite if I would say it hasn't happened to me. In high school I fucked a friends girlfriend. 6 months later they broke up. If I was to guess I'd say my wife has fucked or messed around on me. And I bet this guy's friend and wife probably are divorced. That's just life now.

Laid my 6 month old sick daughter on her tummy when she had a nasty virus and as I was reaching elsewhere for her diaper, she literally pushed herself up and shot baby poop across the room. Talk about freaky and dirty! I've never experienced any thing like that and hope never to again!

Wow........shit happens......Lmao

Wow........shit happens......Lmao Originally Posted by S'Rae Moniette

You have no idea! LOL It happens and then some! Ewwwww......

Pretty sure my story was not exactly what was intended for the thread, but I just couldn't resist the impulse I had to share with those who enjoy such tales.

You have no idea! LOL It happens and then some! Ewwwww......

Pretty sure my story was not exactly what was intended for the thread, but I just couldn't resist the impulse I had to share with those who enjoy such tales. Originally Posted by MaxiMilyen

Cool! Now I have a contribution for this thread. When my son was about 8 months old, I was lying on my back on the living room floor, "flying" him airplane-style directly over my head while making weird faces at him for his amusement. He was so amused that he "spat up" his most recent meal. It fell directly into my open mouth. Now, that will get your attention, every time!

When my daughter was a similar age, I was preparing her for bathing one evening. Diaper just removed, the fresh air on her bare bottom apparently inspired her to take a mid-air dump. The best I could do on short notice was to position my hand to catch the steaming-fresh turd, to prevent having it fall on the floor. That, too, is an attention-getter.

Cool! Now I have a contribution for this thread. When my son was about 8 months old, I was lying on my back on the living room floor, "flying" him airplane-style directly over my head while making weird faces at him for his amusement. He was so amused that he "spat up" his most recent meal. It fell directly into my open mouth. Now, that will get your attention, every time!

When my daughter was a similar age, I was preparing her for bathing one evening. Diaper just removed, the fresh air on her bare bottom apparently inspired her to take a mid-air dump. The best I could do on short notice was to position my hand to catch the steaming-fresh turd, to prevent having it fall on the floor. That, too, is an attention-getter. Originally Posted by James1588

Cool! Now I have a contribution for this thread. When my son was about 8 months old, I was lying on my back on the living room floor, "flying" him airplane-style directly over my head while making weird faces at him for his amusement. He was so amused that he "spat up" his most recent meal. It fell directly into my open mouth. Now, that will get your attention, every time!

When my daughter was a similar age, I was preparing her for bathing one evening. Diaper just removed, the fresh air on her bare bottom apparently inspired her to take a mid-air dump. The best I could do on short notice was to position my hand to catch the steaming-fresh turd, to prevent having it fall on the floor. That, too, is an attention-getter. Originally Posted by James1588

Excellent! At least for those of us who didn't have to be there. Neither sounds nice, but if FORCED to choose I would suffer the second fate more willingly than the first.

Excellent! At least for those of us who didn't have to be there. Neither sounds nice, but if FORCED to choose I would suffer the second fate more willingly than the first. Originally Posted by Old-T

Thank you, sir. The second wasn't nearly as bad, for sure. But either one could have been much worse.

Now that I think about it, my daughter also put something unpleasant in my mouth, a little later in her life. The family was touring Sea World. There was one spot where you could purchase a paper cone containing small frozen fish, which you could hurl into the seals' tank. I tossed a couple, and then my daughter wanted to do the same, of course. She was small enough that I had to hold her up in front of me, so her throw could clear the side of the tank. She took a big windup ... and put her fish squarely into my mouth. It wasn't fresh. It was plentifully covered with scales. They came off in large numbers. I was spitting them out for the next half-hour. Arrrrgh.

It's a good thing kids are so cute!

Awesome!

Now... this is a thread drift........................

Thank you, sir. The second wasn't nearly as bad, for sure. But either one could have been much worse.

Now that I think about it, my daughter also put something unpleasant in my mouth, a little later in her life. The family was touring Sea World. There was one spot where you could purchase a paper cone containing small frozen fish, which you could hurl into the seals' tank. I tossed a couple, and then my daughter wanted to do the same, of course. She was small enough that I had to hold her up in front of me, so her throw could clear the side of the tank. She took a big windup ... and put her fish squarely into my mouth. It wasn't fresh. It was plentifully covered with scales. They came off in large numbers. I was spitting them out for the next half-hour. Arrrrgh.

It's a good thing kids are so cute! Originally Posted by James1588

Lol....absolutely!

Now... this is a thread drift........................ Originally Posted by lookn4boobies

Gee? Ya think? Surely they don't allow such shenanigans around here.....

However, I'm sure you put a lot of thought into your conclusive statement, so it must be so.

Thread drift? I think not. I can think of few "dirtier or nastier" things than what James described.

I got plenty of these kind of stories I'll share a few with you guys..

I was a lunch one day and this what I called little skater chic came in. She was cute and sexy all at the same time with all these tattoos on her. I remember she had stars tattoos on her neck. 110 maybe 5'0 at the most. Well fast forward a month later I'm in this bikini bar in the same town and it's pretty slow that night, well who do I see come out the back was a chic who look just like that girl. So I went and sat next to her and we started talking. And low and behold it was her. Well she was drinking and so was i we talked for about any hour and I told her I would like to take her out sometime. She agreed and we exchanged phone numbers. After a left and went home. Well about an hour or so later she calls me and asked me a favor. Could I come get her she needs a ride home and no one to bring her. So I jumped up threw in some pants and took out. I arrived 5 mins later and there she was waiting with her drunk cousin. I drove her straight to her house her cousin got out the car and went inside. We talked for a min or two and she asked me would I be interested in doing something else since she didn't make very much that night at the club. I agreed. We went to the atm and then to my home. 100 bucks was the price. We got there and started peeling those cloths of her till I got to her underwear she said on but she would do a bbbj on me. I agreed but keep the lights in the room dim so I could still watch this little sexy body of hers. Now I got a whiskey dick and you know what that means I'm not going to nut this easy. After about 5 mins I told her to lay down which she did and a pulled those panties straight off her she immediately put her hands between her legs and laughed and said "no I'm on my period". I looked down and saw the little string sticking out of her. Well a grabbed the string pulled it out and inserted my dick. She said no then, said fuck don't stop we fucked for about 30 min I busted one good one we cleaned up and left. Afterward we fucked maybe twice more over the next month then lost touch. But that was one of my freakiest stories.