Telling someone you don't mesh and don't want to see them.

Honesty of course. I also feel that rather than just not schedule with a guy, the provider should tell the client in a direct way why she doesn't feel it would be a good mix. Many times it may be for reasons which aren't valid and the guy can present his side. She still has the last say if she feels it wont work but an expressed reason would be helpful and appreciated.

Who is this bananajane? Is she knew? Got a showcase set up yet? And does she mind creepy perverts ogling her pics then texting for a "dinner date"?

Don't keep us behind the 8 ball on this one. Maybe bananajane has some input that would help here. US guys need as much translation as we can get.

I figure no response means "don't bother contacting me again. It's nothing personal, but please see someone else instead of me." Works for me!

a long time ago, i learned from a counselor that when you want to tell someone your decision, just say what your decision is. nothing more.
if you start explaining how or why you've come to that decision, that gives the other person a wide open door to start questioning your decision, derailing the discussion, or worse.


in my 10+ yrs here, i've given "honest" feedback to several providers who gave me a slightly below to def below average deliteful time. i did so, cos i thought they might need to know - hoping that they might see the "light" and change their tune.

based on my experience doing so, i no longer believe that the following is the appropriate thing to do in this crazy little sub-culture we play in, mainly cos real world rules/protocols/courtesies dont apply.

... the provider should tell the client in a direct way why she doesn't feel it would be a good mix. ... Originally Posted by whitechocolate

in my experience, it just doesnt help.
one or the other persons either gets mad or all high & mighty; retaliates in one form or another; starts an argument nitpicking w/ the replies; cant or doesnt want to believe what the other person wrote/said. fortunately, no one has stalked me or outed me over what i told them. [knock on wood]


my bottom line suggestion: if, after a bit of back/forth, either side decides it's not what they wanted, just say "i'm gonna pass on an appt. thanks for your time & consideration." and move on. you dont even have to tell them "I don't think we will mesh".
and no need to apologize or say you're sorry. it's your decision - dont be ashamed of it.



note, this is not for those situations where a provider or client is really giving you a bad time [harassing, stalking, extorting, bashing online, or worse].
in those case, publicly tell your peers [guys, gals, or both] the facts as you know them.

I would prefer a direct, concise "I'm not feeling it," over the no reply at all ones. I don't get that a lot, but it does chap my hide, from a basic manners standpoint.

On those rare times that I tell a guy I don't think we will mesh, I never feel the need to explain why.

I'm short simple and to the point. It's up to him to accept it or not.

Like many guys have said before, there is to many providers to worry about just one. I feel the same, there is to many hobbyist I can have fun with to waste time playing with someone I feel I might not like.

The hobby is meant to be fun. Like the super hot guy who came to see me yesterday. He was yummy!

So on that note and taking it a step further, what factors make you determine that you do not feel it? Are you as a provider looking to be seduced, get your ass kissed or romanced before you see the guy in person let alone before you go BCD with him? What makes a guy super hot so that you would want to see him for a session?

I always thought it was having the required references, being respectful of person and time and when the guy arrives, continue with the respecting, having extremely clean hygiene and of course the proper donation.

So on that note and taking it a step further, what factors make you determine that you do not feel it? Are you as a provider looking to be seduced, get your ass kissed or romanced before you see the guy in person let alone before you go BCD with him? What makes a guy super hot so that you would want to see him for a session? Originally Posted by davidfree986

Hey man I always, ALWAYS kiss my providers ass!

What makes a guy super hot?

Well, that just a matter of personal taste and he fit mine just fine. :-)

And no, I don't feel like I need my ass kissed nor am I willing to kiss anyone's.

Some people don't mesh....simple as that. Accept it and move on.

I like this Kaylee because it shows what everyone knows.....when it's HOT it is like a supernova. When it's not.....I'd rather watch a fucking football game ( and I personally fucking hate watching football)

Not to be crude , but I don't want to make it with some chick that looks like Fat Albert.
And I don't like being bossed around or women that are Uber controlling....makes me weenus shrink...

Hell yes be honest and get on with the gettin on!!

I didnt even need to ask. And I wasn't overly bummed out when I was told no.
I thought we were all adults and could handle it

I didnt even need to ask. And I wasn't overly bummed out when I was told no.
I thought we were all adults and could handle it Originally Posted by cheatercheater

That is the way is should be handled.

To much fun to be had with other people to really worry about just one.

Note to the guys... Don't be a rude asshole and you may get laid more. Pretty simple fellas

It is not a matter of having to tell why or explain yourself. It is also not for the purpose of discussion or debate. It is just nice to know what the providers reason or reasons are. She can say "gut feeling" or be more specific. If she has a rational reason, she can state it simply and move on. That is just my preference as to the way I prefer to communicate in this area or other areas of life. She can just say she has a reason but prefers not to state it.

Great post Kaylee. I was turned down once and I took it as a"good to know". You're doing a favor if you don't feel the "mesh"