SHAKE DOWN--REAL LIFE, NOT HOBBY

MTABSW--not taking her side for damn sure, but if THIS was the game all along.. 18 months is a LONG time to stay invested, and $10K is nearly too little to make it worth a person's while. Originally Posted by txirishman

Good point, probably closer to reality - I just reacted to the extortion (not a lawyer - not sure if that's the right term)

I guess we shouldn't be surprised, but before the threats, why not just ask for a "severance package"?

Having outed myself, I still recommend bringing the wife in sooner than later, but we're all different. He has to weigh the odds of being divorced and odds of discovery.

My sense is his odds of discovery are high, I don't think the lady moving to Austin will go quietly.

Where I come from, and with my Italian family heritage, Uncle Vincenzo would have paid her a nice visit. No harm usually done, but the fear factor would typically be enough to displace the "upper handed blackmail" disposition, and right quick! Just think real life "Soprano's."

A good indication though, that fear of prison might have the same quelling effect.

Interesting comment about the severance package...though how could she possibly have worded it, since she wasn't an employee? I mean--we kid about paying provider's to leave. But-how could she have worded such a request to Harry, to express her disappointment in the way things went, request her "severance" --imply the disclosure--without sounding as though she were blackmailing him?

He has no reason to pay at all. Say he gets the phone and emails. Can he be sure deleted the evidence? Are all of the texts really there or did she copy some/all to an SD card? Did she forward copies of everything?

In short, she is asking him to trust her to go away and she won't. The next time she needs money he's going to get another email.

As for not wanting to bring a lawyer in to the picture: no offense to you, but he's already brought in a third party. At least the lawyer has a legal obligation to keep it to himself. If he was willing to confide in you he should be willing to confide in a lawyer.

Hmmmm...<weighing things visually in my hand for all to see>

Friend he's known for years, who he mustered up the courage to tell over the course of a week--for FREE...VS...telling an attorney he doesn't know can help him for a fee?

I guess it boils down to human nature. When kicked in the balls-you're first instinct is to curl up. How many times here has a SO found out about the hobby and first thing you see is a guy withdraw totally? [Please delete my account and posting ASAP] He's in that mode-and finally (after a week) loosened his grip up on his balls-to share his misery. And the clock is ticking on her offer to "sell" the package.

Good points about the SD card though...YIKES!

It's nothing personal against you, but the simple fact is telling you is more likely to result in the wrong person finding out than telling a lawyer. The odds are the lawyer wouldn't know any of the same people and, as I mentioned, he has a lot more to lose by saying something. If I had a major secret I wouldn't tell a friend and then also say I was afraid to tell a lawyer. It's just an honest assessment of the relative risks.

I think ShysterJon's comments are the most useful. Harry needs help from someone who has been in this situation before and knows how to navigate it.

Another factor I have not seen comments on is the nature of your adversary. The ex-SB's age, background, demeanor, life situation, financial standing and other factors are vital inputs to decide which direction to take next. I recommend approaching this as a negotiation in which Harry must carefully consider his opponent's best alternative to no agreement. In the absence of an agreement, a vindictive, spiteful, careless blackmailer or a hardened criminal will fire off Harry's sensitive information to his wife in a heartbeat. A thoughtful, deliberate person with no criminal record in the same situation, after learning what constitutes criminal extortion, will head for the hills. Know thy enemy.

My $0.02.

Good luck Harry.

Erudite-some great points. To clarify-THANKFULLY she's not MY problem. Harry's relationship was never a SD/SB relationship-so no gifts or cash changed hands. She's just feeling angry and used and at the end of her rope as far as options. Her office apparently closed-and rather than join her family in mid November, she held out for what she thought would be an ongoing relationship. True-from what he's told me--Harry DID infer it would become more romantic and regular-though no plans to leave his wife. So--she had THAT to rely on--and that might be feeding her fury.

Bottom line-my buddy screwed the pooch. Was careless with email and texts (like Tiger)--and MAY have to face a consequence he never imagined.

If he pays the $10K--that's some expensive "tail". If he doesn't and thinks its all gone away--he'll never know for sure. I can't imagine either--paying or the "not knowing" and would have far too many sleepless nights.

Fuck-I'd probably pay.

You know, the more and more that I think about your friend's situation, the more I think your friend is not happy in his marriage to begin with or he would not have sought comfort elsewhere! Maybe it's worth losing everything for him to be happy! Just a thought!

Lana-first of all--MERRY CHRISTMAS! A pleasure to under you one way or the other!

Second...if you've thought about it and come up with that assessment, couldn't you make the same for every married hobbyist? I know he risked it all for some "strange"-and agree he would have been better off "hobbying" carefully-but he didn't.

Just my two cents worth--and BTW--you're no Old Hag!

Do not pay. Seek an attorney. In my experience the $10,000 payment would not make her go away, but would just be a down payment for future attempts. The main reason to hire an attorney is to make her permanently leave you alone and cause the fear to subside as I know from experience, living with the thought of fear when the phone rings, thinking it may be her with another extortion attempt is not living.

Lana-first of all--MERRY CHRISTMAS! A pleasure to under you one way or the other!

Second...if you've thought about it and come up with that assessment, couldn't you make the same for every married hobbyist? I know he risked it all for some "strange"-and agree he would have been better off "hobbying" carefully-but he didn't.

Just my two cents worth--and BTW--you're no Old Hag! Originally Posted by txirishman

Merry Christmas to you too, txirishman!

Oh, what the hell do I know.....I'm just a woman! We think WAY too deep! LOL!

AND, thank you for saying that I'm not an old hag........here's your twenty, sweetheart!

isnt this what happened to david letterman and to that guy who runs the church up in lewisville {?}

yep, suggest he talk w/ a lawyer NOW.

She is a parasite. Sorry its happening to your friend.

I have just glanced over most of the responses about your friends dilema, so I hope my suggestion hasn`t been mentioned already but I WOULD HIRE A LADY TO ACT AS IF SHE IS YOUR FRIENDS WIFE. I`M SURE YOU COULD GET SOMEONE TO DO THIS FOR $500-$1000. I WOULD HAVE HER FIND THE BITCH AND GO OFF ON HER! SAY THAT YOUR FRIEND CAME CLEAN AND SHE`S PISSED AT THIS BITCH BEING A HOME WRECKER ETC. HAVE HER CATCH HER IN PUBLIC AND EMBARASS AND SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF HER! ...MAKE HER THINK THE WIFE IS A BIGGER WACKO THAN SHE IS?