Tell your best jokes!

Little Johnny is a bad kid with a foul mouth!

LOL!

Yoo mama so fat, scorpion said “stay over there”

Q: Why do tampons have strings?

A: So you can floss your teeth after eating!

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically starts taking off his heavy hiking boots begins to put the sneakers on. The second guy says, ‘What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.’ ‘I don’t need to outrun the bear,’ the first guy says. ‘I just need to outrun you.’

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?”

A Old Lady goes to the Dr and tells him I’m a 80 year old Virgin and I have Crabs so the Mystified Dr says well let’s take a look and he tells Her no no those aren’t Crabs there Fruit Flies your Cherry’s Rotten.....

little boy and little girl are on the playground, little boy says "I got something you aint got!".. little girl says "what's that?" little boy shows her his bicycle.. little girl goes home, tells her mom, and comes back in 2 hours with a bike.. little boy says "I got something else you aint got", and shows her his toy truck.. little girl goes home, comes back in 2 hours with a toy truck.. little boy is dismayed, and says "I know I got something you aint got and can't have"! he drops his drawers.. little girl runs home crying, comes back in 2 hours, empty-handed. little boy drops his trousers and says "see I told you you can't get one of these".. little girl drops her drawers, and points.. "no, but my momma say if I got one of these, I can have as many of those as I want"!

disclaimer: Mods, this is a joke thread, not aimed at anyone, so ignore any RTM you may get.. stupid that I have to say that, but anyway..

young boy has a Jewish Mom and Black Dad. he asks his Mom, "am I more Jewish or more Black"? she scolds him.. "that is a dumb question, go ask your father".. the young boy goes to his Dad.. "am I more Jewish or more Black"? Dad says, "you're equally both, what makes you ask such a question?"


the boy goes, "well, the kid down the street is selling his bike for $20, and I don't know whether I should try to get him down to $14.95, or just steal the Motherfucker"!

Not joke but a pic. A dancer sent this to me. Thought it as funny

<The Lesbian Cowboy


A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to a lesbian
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1qg1ad/the_lesbian_cowboy_matthew_mod ine/


if U want to read it

https://www.liveabout.com/lesbian-cowboy-joke-2171283

disclaimer: Mods, this is a joke thread, not aimed at anyone, so ignore any RTM you may get.. stupid that I have to say that, but anyway.. Originally Posted by Chung Tran

If you assumed you were going to get RTMd for possible guideline violations, then why did you decide to post it? Doesn’t that tell you something about your decision making process?

<The Lesbian Cowboy


A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to a lesbian
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1qg1ad/the_lesbian_cowboy_matthew_mod ine/


if U want to read it

https://www.liveabout.com/lesbian-cowboy-joke-2171283 Originally Posted by BossyWillson

LMAO, I have often told people I was a lesbian trapped in a mans body

What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face...

If you assumed you were going to get RTMd for possible guideline violations, then why did you decide to post it? Doesn’t that tell you something about your decision making process? Originally Posted by Wakeup

nope.. just because I think someone would RTM the post, doesn't mean it is valid.. it is not, obviously.. to most intelligent people anyway.

2 Guys were in a bar, drinking to their hearts delight. the bill kept growing, the guys wanted to keep drinking, but worried about the high cost. one said to the other, "I'm going to put this small flashlight in my zipper area, and you crouch to your knees and take it your mouth.. the bartender will freak, and throw us out, so we won't have to pay"! the 2 guys were indeed thrown out, and went to bar #2, rang up a huge bill, and went through the same sequence.. tossed out again.. next bar, the guys were sloppy drunk, and once again went through the motions and got ejected from the bar.. they hit bar #4, same action, then bar #5.. the guy who had been sucking the flashlight said "why don't we switch places this time, I'll hold the mini flashlight in my crotch, and you be the Sucker"..


guy #2 looked at him and said, "that would be impossible.. I threw away the flashlight after bar #2"..