You're not a nice guy from what I've read in your posts.
Originally Posted by Jannisary
What about my posts indicate that I am not a nice guy. I'm puzzled. I go out of my way to be respectful of providers, because I actually do respect them. They are strong women by any definition. Any woman who walks for work is an extraordinarily strong woman. Any women who hangs around a convenience store in the bad part of town in hot pants and heels is a strong women. Certainly a stronger woman than a kept woman in a suburban house.
I have been very careful to use appropriate euphemisms at all times. I don't understand. I have zero respect for pimps or men who use providers for masochistic reasons. But providers? I will never say anything bad about a provider.
You've got an attitude and its not a good one.
Please explain.
Read this article Why Nice Guys are often such LOSERS Then do some honest self-assessment. There is a HUGE difference between being a "good man" and a "nice guy". You can fuck all the pros or civilian women you can handle and if you don't figure out the "good man" vs "nice guy" thing you'll still never be happy or truly satisfied in many aspects of your life.
I haven't read that article, but I have read Dr. Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy book -- twice. I listened to the audio version and than went and bought the hard copy and read that as well. I posted about my older virgin issue on his web site forum. I got much better advice here.
I was a nice guy and didn't consummate my relationship with one of the girlfriends I had in the fundy community even though she ask me to, because I knew I was leaving the community and she wasn't. If it had been found out that she had been intimate with me (and it would have been), we would have forced to get married. But because I was leaving, she would have been single the rest of her life. Nice guy or good guy, either way I ain't doing that to a woman. In fact, I have always assumed that that is why she verbally offered herself to me, she was in love (as much as teens can be) and wanted to keep me. That was often how marriages happened with the community. More fodder for anti-religious people.
"Too religious" is a BS excuse for not having sex.
I have never said that was the reason. I think I have probably always been agnostic, only now I admit it. I have no moral qualms about sex. Never have.
You need to figure and deal with WHY you never got into a relationship that tempted your deep religious beliefs.
You seem to misunderstand. I have no religious beliefs. Not only am I no longer a part of anything fundamentalist, I haven't been inside a church for years. It is not religious BELIEFS that have stunted me, it is the life inside a religion that I didn't even belief in and the fall out from that that has stunted me. It's the childhood beatings (the black and blue variety), the lack of parental affection, the lack of contact with the outside (try being a teenage and not knowing how to order off a mcDonald's menu, see that does for your ability to yuck it up with other teenager). I have, or have had, severe self worth issues. All of these things have held me back socially. I have now reached a place, the college education, the success at work, where I think I could socialize better, if I didn't have the virginity skeleton in the closet that I have to keep hidden at all cost. I would agree that there are complex issues as to why I am still technically a virgin, but that is beyond the scope of this board. The issue for me right now is getting laid and bringing my sexual develop closer to what it should be for someone my age.
If you don't deal with whatever the underlying issue is, having sex with hookers isn't going to really solve your problem. There is a huge difference between fucking a hooker even a well reviewed total GFE one, and being in a true intimate relationship.
True.
Now meeting and fucking providers can give you some experience and some confidence in dealing with women. But it can also be a trap that could lead you to relying on paid companionship instead of seeking satisfying true relationships with women. This is especially true if you don't deal with whatever the issue is that has caused you to reach this point in time.
My entire life has been a journey away from my unfortunate background and dealing with that. I am not comfortable being open about my past because of all the weird questions I get about it. And the weird ideas people have about it. For that reason I never socialized much in college (a prerequisite for getting laid) even though the school was fundy it was a world away from how I was raised. Now my journey has reached a point where I feel like due to my other successes I could socialize better and have more confidence than I used to have (i use to really be a mess, could hardly talk to people) if I could get rid of the V card.
I can't have a true relationship with an attractive, successful woman, till I lose my loner status. But my virginity makes me by default a loner. There is no way to socialize with other men (outside of religion) without talking about women.
The first meeting is nerve racking for most of us - hobbyists and providers. It can take a few times to really be able to relax and have a great time with someone.
This is one of many reasons why providers are strong people. They have my respect. There is not a lot of people who can do what they do.
You might also want to consider other options besides escorts to get you more used to more intimate physical interactions with women. Strip clubs . . .
I have never been in a real strip club. Been to best buns contest, etc in bars. There are some men who feel comfortable sitting in a room full of with other men who have erections and there are men who don't. I fall into the ladder category. Strip clubs seem like they're for losers and its demeaning to the performers. I know thats not always true. I like to worship women (see my other comments) but I like to see them as comfortable and relaxed and happy, feeling as much like royalty as possible, and I don't see that happening in a strip club, although I am sure there are many dancers who enjoy their work.
There is no question I have an intimacy problem. I have been on a few dates with girls in the past. Generally not more than a first date. I have problems opening up to them and have problems escalating sexually, much to the girls frustration. It's partly a nice guy problem, which leads to not being honest, and partly severe self worth issues, and not being comfortable with who I am .. . an ex -- feel in the wacko religious denomination.
Whatever you decide, don't be cheap. If you are looking for a social only date with an escort first make sure you are clear about that from the first. Some do offer social date only rates, others don't. Remember you're suppose to be paying for her time, not the activities. Being cheap and trying to haggle a provider on rates is not a good way to make a reputation. It is a good way to wind up on a blacklist as a haggler and timewaster.
I understand this. But the legal issues make being clear about what I want a problem. I have to, as a newbie, in order to avoid jail, say that it is a social date only that I am looking for whether that is actually the case or not. In my case social it is all I wanted, but there is no way for a provider to know if I am playing it safe by saying that or if I am covering my ass.
I take full responsibility for the first provider I contacted flaking on me. I think it was poor judgment on her part to up the agreed on price. She knew where the restaurant we had agreed to meet was located before hand. However, there were more gentlemanly ways for me to deal with the situation, generosity being one of them. The price was not entirely out of line. My bad.
Originally Posted by sketchball82
photo by Hill & AubreyHere is the perfect parka for the long, dark, and lonely days of winter. "Everybody needs love, don't they?" asks emerging menswear designer Si Chan on his blog. Chan says he designed his eccentric kelly green puffer jacket, which features a row of clasped hands running up the front, to make the wearer feel "warm and hugged."
Courtesy Si ChanChan explains that hugging hands are a symbol of what makes it possible for humans to "express love" and "depart from loneliness" and he insists his vision is sweet, not sinister. A photo from his blog titled "Inspiration" bears that out. It's a sun-washed snapshot of him as a giggling toddler being given a loving squeeze by his older brother. If only a jacket could make one feel that good.
