Am I Happily Married If I Hobby Secretly?

If I had the person that fulfilled ALL my wants and needs why HOBBY???? Originally Posted by Roman Polanski

I really think that is why most marriages fail in todays world.
NOBODY can be everything to someone!

We all get different things from the different people in our lives, and all those different things are needed to be happy and healthy.
Too many times I've known guys (and girls) that pretty much cut all their friends out of their lives when the "new girl" comes into the picture, thinking she is all he'll ever need.
They nearly always end up wrong.
If you place all your "eggs in one basket", the basket often ends up feeling smothered and over-taxed.

This may not even be what you're talking about, but I just felt like expounding on that one sentence.
If you expect someone to be everything to you then you are just setting yourself up to fail in my opinion.

I met someone through someone in the kitchen of their business. His exact words to me were my real name" I am so fortunate, I never met someone that fills every need and every want for me" These two people are very happy and very successful today. This was told to me several years ago. Yes, these things happen, maybe rare but it happens.

To the OP, let me turn your original question on end:
Is your wife (or SO) "happy" to not provide you a sex life sufficient to keep you from straying? Is she too infrequently "in the mood". I she hot to have you inside of her or does she just "put up with it" as a wifely duty?

Its generally (not always) true that men have higher libidos then women. From what my married friends tell me/joke about, that difference becomes even more pronounced after the vows. A married women should not be required to have sex any MORE frequently than she wants. But EQUALLY, a married man should not be required to have sex any LESS frequently than he wants.

Keep your wife "happy" -- have sex with her as often as she wants it. And don't try to coerce, cajol, or otherwise pressure her to have it more often. That would not be fair to her, and frankly, I cannot imagine having sex with a woman who felt "obliged" to have sex with you would be fun. You are keeping your wife "happy" in this way. And keeping her happy is your main job.

But keeping her happy does not mean you should forego your own happiness. Using an analogy, if your wife only cooked for you once a week, you would be obliged to "eat out", that would not mean you are unhappily married. Just that you like to eat more than once a week.

1) I hobby secretly

2) I am married

3) I am relatively happy

What else matters?

Your marriage is probably happier if you are secretly hobbying. Originally Posted by reese foster

No truer words . . .

Of course if/when the wife finds out . . . you might end up with a dented skull.

I went through several drafts, most sharing more personal info than she was comfortable with, but the bottom line is that if you have to hide what you do from your SO, there's a problem that needs to be addressed.

My opinion, and worth every penny you paid for it.

O.T.B much agreed. I have married friends that hobby and will NOT post reviews in fear that their S.O. may read them. This doesn't sound like a very happy hobbiest, does it???

O.T.B much agreed. I have married friends that hobby and will NOT post reviews in fear that their S.O.'s may read them. This doesn't sound like a very happy hobbiest, does it??? Originally Posted by Roman Polanski

Nope.

Several drafts again, we'll just say A knows and has approved each of my recent sessions while she has been out of the country.

But that copy of "The Lorena Bobbitt Story" my ex-wife gave her for Xmas last year is a little worrisome...

I myself am Married and I am a provider!! so many guys come in that are married and that doesnt mean they arent happy!!Most love their wife but maybe sexually they just dnt get enough attention, therefore they need to relieve some tension!! Its not really cheating if its not an affair (my opinion) its just a little side fun to keep everyone happy!! If a man is horny and cant get relief, then he can be a crabby guy, If I dont get relief I can be a bitch!!! Thats all there is too it!!

Maybe a better question is, "if you need to hobby in secret then why are you still married?" Why don't you just dump that beast that you don't want to have sex with anymore so you can get all the snatch that you think you are missing out on - providers and non-providers?

I am not married but I could only imagine how stressful and unhappyI would be trying to keep up a lie and worrying about giving the SO an STD or something even worse.

So, to answer your question, NO YOU ARE NOT HAPPILY MARRIED IF YOU NEED TO HOBBY IN SECRET - STOP FOOLING YOUR SELF.

I deeply appreciate and sincerely value the many varied opinions from all of you . . . with a special thanks to Chevalier, Black Sedan, and JM68 for causing me to think deeper about this issue.

And to answer Shake N Bake's query - "if you need to hobby in secret then why are you still married?" Simply put . . . although I love sex - sex is not love - at least not for me. And I love my wife something awful, something wonderful. I can't imagine being without her.
Now having said all that - please allow me to digress (or should I say regress) because personally, I just can't seem to get past the psycho/sexualogical yearning and desire to fuck total strangers.

And I wonder just how many of you have actually considered or attempted to give up your upbeat libidos to entertain a life of a little less sex - for more love/commitment/monogamy? Would that be too much of a challenge, or would it be just plain insanity?

Hobbying can be looked at in many ways, its the same if you have a affair with someone at work, its still cheating either way, you don't know, your wife could be banging somebody on the side also. When you go home at night and give her a big long kiss, she may have had a dick in her mouth an hour earlier. Same way you may have had a pussy in your mouth. I would not want to be the one to give my wife a disease.

Reeltalk, only you know what is in your heart. We are outsiders. If I were married and had LUST for another woman people would think that I wasn't in love with my wife, or that I was unhappy. I would be a liar, if I told you that my marriage in the past was perfect with complete happiness. Outside or raising children marriage is the most difficult task that I ever tried. My marriage failed as a result of lack of love. If and when I ever re-marry I will try to be faithful to my spouse. Infidelity is very emotionally painful. I am not judging you as I speak from experience. Many customers at the Amps that I visit I'm told are married, it is obvious that something is missing. I hobby as I have no S.O. and work crazy hours. Sorry to drag this out. Good luck.

I can't say that you can be happily married if you hobby secretly, However, I am confident to say if you inform your wife of your hobby activities you will not be happily married any longer.

I, for one, am not talking about monogamy, and I agree that expecting some one person to be every I could *ever* want is unreasonable.

It's the inherent dishonesty of "secretly" without a clearly negotiated don't ask don't tell policy that's the problem.

If you have to lie to your SO, even by omission, there's a problem